Blogopolis

Bite 2

2011-07-12T16:05:00.000-07:00

Onto other children and such.

Alex is only a few days away from turning 12. He is now as tall as me so sometimes I pinch him. A few months ago he decided he wanted to show everyone how the Gospel has transformed him by being baptized, as one of 6 people from our church also taking the plunge. Yes, that is a cattle trough. No, the water was not heated, even though it was February. Yes, it was a pretty amazing night.

He keeps getting better and better playing his guitar and has started lobbying for an electric. He has spent the summer on his favorite website, google translate. He sometimes gets an urge to write a story in another language, as we all...never...do. Right now he is reading a book on Uzbekistan and if you knew him you wouldn't have to ask why. He and Jeff are working on building an Adirondack chair. Next week he is going on a camping trip with his dad and they are going to sleep in a lookout tower. After that will be junior high camp, family camp, and seventh grade.

Abby has turned 13 despite my most earnest pleas for her to just stay 12. This is a picture from birthday party #1, which included a fancy shmancy meal with her two closest friends, followed by civic theater's "Beauty and the Beast". A good time was had by all. On her actual birthday she requested Marlboro Man's Favorite Sandwich which we shared with a whole slew of relatives. Then she unwrapped her presents, which included her very first cell phone. There was a lot of shrieking...more for the idea of having it than for anticipated use. This was a couple weeks ago and she has thus far made 2 calls and sent maybe 5 text messages. I think she fears wasting minutes, which she has to buy.

Last week she had a piano recital and played her pieces wonderfully. If I had my act more together I would post video but...alas...

She too is looking forward to junior high camp at Camp Spalding in a couple weeks,and family camp after that. And the BIG adventure will be her school trip to Washington D.C. in September. Yes, as an 8th grader. I'm highly upset about the whole thing.

Church...aka, our fourth child, is doing well also. In the past year God has grown us, deep and wide, which is the best way to grow. We started a women's group, launched a new community group, got a wonderful visit from Gabriel and Lily, our missionaries in Kinshasa, DRC. Our children's ministry has boomed since it is apparently a requirement for new members that you have many small children. We have outgrown our current location and may be very close to signing a lease on a new space which will allow us to grow. More important than all of that, lost people are being saved, people are being discipled, and we're learning better what it means to live on mission. All of grace.

Summer: We've had a summer full of travel and fun. We kicked off with a trip to Spokane to see Wicked with the big kids...which was a big hit and inspired the downloading of EVERY single song onto the ipod and the purchase of the sheet music.

Jeff and I got to go to Vail, Colorado for the annual Acts 29 church planter's retreat. It was beyond description. I'm sure I'll write more about it later, but for now I will just say it was wonderfully refreshing and we came home renewed and inspired and reveling in the love of our Father.

The very last week before the big kids head back to school we will be packing up to head to Montana to attend a family camp that Jeff was asked to speak at. We won't know anyone there, but are excited.

And of course the home projects. Our garden grew this year by one raised bed, and is doing really well. We added snow peas to the mix, tried again for blueberries, and the carrots we only wished would sprout last year are flourishing. And we finally finished the deck to the great celebration of all concerned.

But summer has not been without some trying times...Jeff's mom's cancer showed up again despite a winter's worth of chemotherapy. So she had surgery a few weeks ago to remove a tumor and is home recuperating. We are all hopeful that God is healing.

So, there you go. All caught up.

Elephant Bite 1

2011-07-05T11:36:00.001-07:00

When you don't blog for like a year, the idea of updating can seem daunting. But, how do we eat an elephant? Yep, one bite at a time. So, for update 1: Some news from me and the newly update resume of Mr. Silas.

New with me: In 2005 God (with a smirk I am sure) led me to break yet ANOTHER one of my "I'll never..." statements. It's one of His favorite hobbies. I once said "I'll never marry a pastor." and "I'll never prefer hard ice cream to soft-serve." Back in 2005 the never statement that got stomped on was "I'll never send my kids to Christian school, nor will I ever teach in one." (Nevermind that my major was Christian elementary education.)

I had been happily home schooling my two littles for a couple of years and loved everything about it. Loved sitting on the couch reading together, loved teaching them to read for themselves, loved the flexible schedule of doing school when it worked for us. And in the middle of all the love a friend of mine had the nerve to start talking about how much SHE was loving the Christian school her boys were going to, and that she was teaching at. Pff. Well, that may be fine for her, but, as I had already decided (at the wise age of 19), I would NEVER send my kids to Christian school. They would learn at home until they were a bit older and then truck happily off to public school. No child of mine would succumb to the elitist, snobby, lost-all-sensitivity-to-Jesus-because-I-learn-the-bible-as-a-textbook-instead-of-a-love-story mentality that every Christian school I had been exposed to had somehow manufactured.

Pretty sure that is where the smirking began. He just WOULD not let it drop, and before I knew it and quite against my will I was sending a letter off to a person I had never met asking could I come work at her Christian school so we could afford to send my kids. Turned out, she needed a part time teacher.

And,sidebar, as far as my notions and fears, if you've not read my blog long, take some time to poke around and discover how I (now) feel about this school. Pretty much one of the top 10 gifts God ever gave me.

I taught happily for a couple of years, and then we adopted Silas. So I brought him to work with me, toting him in a front carrier for the first year. The next year I cut down my days working by almost half so he could spend most of the time I worked with Jeff and then one day a week with grandma. The next year that wasn't working out so well because of Cathy's chemotherapy. Jeff was ABLE to keep Silas with him while I worked, but nobody was doing too well with it. If you can imagine, trying to work multiple jobs with a bouncy three year old climbing on your head is a bit difficult. So around Christmastime, I stunned Jeff by throwing out the question "Maybe I should take a break from teaching?"

We prayed about it a lot and determined that it was the right thing to do for the family. So right now the plan is to take 2 years off, by which point Silas will be ready to start kindergarten, and then head back. We will see. The big kids are staying, of course.

There were tears that last week of school, but even then there was the overwhelming sense that this was the right thing for now. So come August when Abby and Alex go to school they do so, for the first time, without me. Silas and I will hang out at home. I will also be teaching language arts to a young lady who is a CCS graduate starting her home school career. An hour or two twice a week. The perfect thing to keep my brain occupied but still give Silas the attention and training he needs from me. Plus, it will provide enough money to off-set the kids' tuition. God is kind.

Silas' Resume:

Strengths:

1. Leadership:

He tries hard to convince us that he is the leader. It is a direct quote, actually, yelled as he races in front of us. So far it's not panning out for him real well.

2. Energy

It may be humanly possible to run, spin, jump, dive, climb, kick, twirl, and somersault more, but we're not sure. It would likely require a longer nap.

3. Determination

Some people wish things would happen in a certain way, others make them happen. Silas is in group two. Can't reach the toy he wants? (Because, say, his mother put it on the top shelf of a cabinet?) No step stool, chair, or sturdy ladder nearby? Not a problem for our friend here. Obstacles that would stop regular children merely slow this one down a bit. All he needs to do is stack a doll house on top of a wagon, and a few chunky books on top of that (including, ironically, his Bible story books), stand on tippy toe and voila! Success!

4. Quick Learning

Sometimes this skill set manifests itself in alarming ways, such as when he was two and we left him unattended with a screwdriver for five minutes only to discover him dismantling the door knob and dead bolt. We all like it better when it is less exciting, such as with letters and numbers. Letter identification? Easy peasy. We've long since moved onto sounds.

Weaknesses:

1. Emotion Control

"What's that mom? I can't have a cookie four minutes before dinner? Clearly the appropriate response here is to dramatically flop on the floor wailing like a war widow. Alex absently picked up the toy I set aside moments ago? Obviously warrants a scream of rage and violent assault. I get a new car? Glee unimaginable. Giggles of adulation. Smiles so large my eyes disappear." And these events may well happen within a sixteen minute period. It's a lot of fun. We're working on it. Roughly 9 times a day. I keep telling myself that dogged consistency will win the war. Yep. That's what I keep telling myself. Roughly 9 times a day.

2. Church

Maybe it's the hectic schedule, or the crowds, maybe it is something else altogether...but Sundays are not fun-days in Silas-land. This, I'm sure, is how he would tell the tale.

"Things were fine until the spring when mom suddenly decided I was too old for the nursery. So rather than play trucks and go down the slide all morning now I only get to for ten minutes before church starts. Then I have to go in the room with all the chairs and hold still and be quiet while everyone sings for several hours. It's soooo hard. I want to be on the stage. I want to go sit with Kate. I want to go tell Willie something important. I want to stand on the nice bouncy chairs and jump in rhythm. But I most of all do NOT want to stand quietly in front of my parents. So I squirm and whine until mom picks me up because it is the ONLY way I can survive the long hours it takes to sing 4 songs. Besides, I think deep down she really likes the extra snuggling time even if my feet do dangle at her knees and even if she is wearing heels. Plus, this way she is also real handy to chat with since her ear is so close by.

Then, when the singing time finally ends they send me to children's church which is okay except that I have to sit and NOT play with trucks like I do in the nursery. Sometimes I sit for a while, and sometimes I spin around real fast so they let me go to the nursery. But once it a while I actually have an opportunity to escape like two weeks ago. Somebody left the door wide open and as soon as my teacher turned her back I made a run for it. I thought about heading to the nursery but there is that pesky gate. So I bolted for the auditorium. Alex started chasing me but I was too fast for him. I ran right up to the stage where my dad was talking, across the front rows of chairs and found my mom and was all excited only she didn't seem very excited. She picked me up and told me I had to go back, so I wailed really loud "I don't wanna go back to children's churchhhhhhhh!" Everyone was laughing except my mom. She made me go back but first we had to make stop in the bathroom. The whole thing seemed really unfair to me.

Eventually they let the kids go from children's church and I get really excited because I'm free. Sometimes I like to run up and down the super narrow hallways while pushing my favorite toy grocery cart that mom almost never lets me play with. It's kinda tricky because there's so many people in the hall, but I find if I go super fast and yell "BEEEP BEEEEEEEP!" it works out okay. Other days I like to play hide and seek with all the other kids my age. One or two kids hide and then the rest of us stand on the stage and count. We have to count really loudly because there are lots of grown ups talking in there and otherwise we might not hear ourselves. Then in no time at all dad is scooping me up saying it's time to go to the other church where we do it all again."

Jeff naps on Sundays because he is tired from preaching. I nap on Sundays because I am tired from all this.

Before I forget THESE ones...

2010-12-30T13:05:00.000-08:00

wanted to add these to the list of books read in 2010. Since I forgot I was doing this...I am likely skipping some, but we're all used to that, right?

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand

How People Change by Timothy Lane and Paul David Tripp

Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas

Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney

Same Kind of Different as Me by Ron Hall

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

and I finally finished (after two renewals) Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy.

How I'm Spending My Summer Vacation

2010-06-30T16:03:00.000-07:00

by: Kim B.

I guess that was just out of habit from my school days. Particularly since I haven't been Kim B. for 13 years.

Summer's arrival this year was sort of like watching the previews at the movies. They're okay...entertaining to a point. But not really the reason you came and you start to wonder if the main attraction is ever going to show up. We got out of school on the 28, and as is our custom, spent the next few days watching NAIA baseball and wishing it would warm up and stop raining so much.

Not long after we headed out for MN...where we spent about 10 days wishing it would warm up and stop raining so much.

Finally, it warmed up and stopped raining, so at last it feels like summer. Tardy, since it is now July, but summer all the same. So I figured some updating was in order.

MN Trip: Despite the incessant rain, we had a lovely time. It had been two years since our last trip and it was good to see family and friends. Lots of friends, as it turned out, because the church where I grew up was celebrating its 50 Anniversary. There was a weekend with some celebratory services, so friends from afar made it back for that. Jeff got to preach...I got to sing with some of the girlies I grew up with. Jeff had to re-learn how to wear a tie. Good times.

We also got to pull off some ticks, perfect our mosquito-swatting motions, and double our time spent blow drying. Jeff's big first for the trip was going coon hunting with my brother. My first was attending turtle races. The kids only got to fish one day because of the weather, but they caught a lot of fish so that was okay.

Garden: The carrots and peas never survived. I think I planted too early, in a deceptively warm weekend in April which seemed to promise "Look! Warm weather is here for good!" Not long after we got a very cold and wet reminder that April likes to lie. However, the corn is nearly taller than me (though it gets a head start because it is in a raised bed), the tomatoes are flowering, basil and cilantro have flavored many dishes and sandwiches, and the onions look promising. I am not a pepper expert, but mine look sort of small and anemic, but they are green...so my neighbor insists they are doing just fine. Some critter, small enough to get through the netting we have over the bed, is chewing on my watermelon leaves rather rudely.

Potatoes remain a mystery. I seem to read conflicting things about the clues as to when to harvest these. They have grown tall, lush foliage that is quite impressive considering how humble potatoes themselves appear. However, they are yet to start flowering, which seems to be a milestone that nearly everyone agrees needs to be reached before harvest time.

Strawberries are making me crazy. I was, again, deceptively tricked from my original plan. My list clearly said "Strawberry plants...from Hays." But then I went to that sneaky Home Depot and there they were, pretty and green in their pots, tempting me. Reminding me how very far away Hays is, and how much time I could save. So here I am, a couple of months later, and my plants, while green and growing...don't seem to be producing. Worse, the little information card that they came with has turned out to be amazingly UN-informational. It doesn't so much as tell me the name of the variety, let alone whether they are June bearing or ever bearing. So if you happen to be a strawberry expert, please rescue me from my ignorance. If they were June bearing, would they have already produced fruit? We have yielded one or two sad looking berries, but that is all. And, if they are ever bearing, when will they start? And should I be clipping the runners and flowers to encourage fruit?

One of my raspberry canes is on life support, the other really should be cremated. The other four seem to be doing okay. Mr. Blueberry is covered with tiny green leaves...his wife, however, is ailing. I have been using coffee grounds to add acidity to the soil, and she has recovered a bit, going from 5% of her leaves being green to now perhaps 20%...but she is still rather sad. Am I correct in assuming neither raspberries or blueberries will produce much if any fruit this first season?

Big Kids: Right now Alex is away at camp...his first time. I am hoping the lack of "Mom come get me" or worse yet "Lady come get your kid" phone calls means he is having a good time. Camp was huge in my life, and in Jeff's, so we are really grateful our kids get to enjoy this too. Abby will get her turn at camp in August.

Abby turned (gulp) 12 last week. She celebrated by having two friends sleep over, and we went to Toy Story 3. Alex will turn 11 in August.

Silas: This child, who was a decidedly stoic, quiet baby...has turned the tables on us in a dramatic fashion the last few months. The thought terrifies us a little, that he may be our most talkative child. He processes EVERYTHING aloud...which makes him great fun to take to the movies. ("Oh, wook, mama! A mountain and some stars! Oh! Dere's Woody Mama! I like Woody!")

Adding to his vocabulary was one exciting word in particular....ALEX! It only took hims 2.5 years.

Right now we are in potty training mode. It is actually going quite well...only been at it for about a week and he is very nearly trustworthy in his Lightning McQueen's. The important step of telling me when he has to go has not yet been reached...but I hope to get there before I go back to school. But his chattiness is particularly noticeable now that he and I spend large amounts of time in the bathroom together with no other diversion for his little mind that speech. After lots of talking I usually end up saying:

"Okay Silas, let's just be quiet and try to go."

Silas:"Be very quiet? Try to go?"

"Yes."

Silas: "Okay mama," switches to whisper. "I be quiet."

"Thank you."

Silas: "Is dad sleeping?"

"No, dad's not sleeping, I just want you to be quiet."

Silas: (whisper volume escalates)"Abby sleeping?"

"No. Shhh."

Silas: (back to whisper) "Jack sleeping?"

"Nobody is sleeping. Quiet."

Silas: (sits quietly for about 12 seconds.)

Silas: "Jack with Tina?"

"Yes. Jack is with Tina. Shhh. Try to go pee."

Silas: "Yeah. I like peep."

"SHHHH!!"

Repeat that, about 7 times a day, and that is a pretty good look at what I have been up to.

Summer Reading

2010-06-30T15:56:00.000-07:00

So, I sort of forgot I was doing this...but here are a few more books to add:

Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns

The Cross Centered Life by CJ Mahaney

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden

A Town Like Alice by Nevil Shute

(I also recently started Anna Karenina but I don't want to give myself credit for it since I am nowhere near finishing it.)

Yay for summer and more time to read!

Two More Books (or, a post with lots of slashes, parentheses and links)

2010-04-29T07:21:00.000-07:00

1. Two Part Invention by Madeleine L'Engle.

Somewhere around sixth grade I stumbled upon a copy of A Wrinkle in Time. From that point on, I probably re-read the book twice a summer until I became far too cool for children's books. Thus began my fandom of Madeleine. I like how she thinks...out of the box and often, seemingly, on a different planet from the rest of us. I don't necessarily agree with all her ideas (or certainly her theology) but I admire people who don't see faith as a reason to abandon all imagination. Plus, I think she's a good writer. And that's kind of an important quality.

So when friend Beth passed along this book, I was all too pleased to begin another journey with Madeleine. This is the story of her marriage to Hugh Franklin. They had a long and loving marriage, and I always enjoy hearing those peoples' stories.

2. The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller.

When you spend the first 29 years of your life or so thinking and believing one way, and then that shifts, even just a little, there are discoveries to be made. I grew up Baptist, then went to a Baptist Bible college...possibly the most Baptisty Baptist college of them all. Then we were thrust into pastoral ministry at Baptist churches. And for the record, I love a Baptist...I just don't happen to be one anymore. That changed in about 2002, when we pulled stakes in MN and headed west. Joined, and eventually went on staff at a non-denominational church. Lots of discovery.

The change in theology/philosophy/methodology was far from over yet. Because six or so years later, we found ourselves in different circles again...circles that aren't necessarily easy to label or define, but if I were pressed, some labels I would give it would be reformed/missional/gospel-oriented-ish. Sort of. Except I wouldn't say we're hard line/poster people for these groups. Like, were IN Acts 29, but we're kind of fringe members since we don't serve beer at community group and Jeff doesn't have facial hair.

And of course, when you make a change like that, it changes who your authors/speakers/theologians are. For example, at college, we spent hours pouring over systematic theology books by Charles Ryrie. (He even came to the school once, and dozens of kids lined up to get his autograph in their Ryrie Study Bibles. Even at the time, that felt wrong.) Now, we read systematic theology by Wayne Grudem. Our favorite speakers to listen to then (on the RADIO...since ipods weren't around yet) were guys like David Jeremiah and Chuck Swindoll. Again...nothing wrong with those guys...God is using them. But now, well, we listen to guys like Mark Driscoll and Matt Chandler and John Piper (okay I know I know, he's technically a Baptist...but most Baptists I know won't claim him)...Tim Keller. (If you scroll back up you'll note that he is the author of the book I am writing about. I'm here to help.)

In fact, as one of our conditions for joining Acts 29 we were required to listen to a series of sermons by Tim Keller, who we had previously never heard of. After listening, we could see why it was required. We sort of think it should be required for everyone. Anyway, thus began another fandom for me. I listen to Tim Keller a lot while on my treadmill, and he always makes me think.

So when a co-worker saw my facebook status about a sermon of his I'd recently listened to, she offered one of his books. Books?! I hadn't even considered the idea that he was an author as well as a pastor. I was seriously intrigued. So when the little book (literally, it's a quick read) showed up in my box at school yesterday, I had finished in within an hour of being home.

If you think you understand the parable of the "Prodigal Son" (or even what the word prodigal means, which I did not. I thought I did, but turns out I did not) or even the heart of the gospel itself, I bet this book will challenge you. It certainly did me.

It's about two ways of running from God. Two ways of rejecting His love and provision. And one of them is pretty startling (here's a hint, it's not the way of the wild and hormone driven younger brother). So, read this book. Particularly if you are a religious/moral person.

Springing Forward

2010-03-13T13:51:00.000-08:00

There is something about spring time for us. Fall, winter and summer seem to plod along at a manageable pace. There are periods of manic feeling activity at times, but they are the exception and certainly not the rule. For the most part they keep to their routines and schedules. Then spring comes and it's as though for every burgeoning bloom there is a very important activity going on that must be handled now. Past springs have seen us busy about adoption home studies, major scale home remodeling projects, preparations for intricate Easter productions, significant school events. All cropping up right around March. I've taken to calling this phenomenon March Madness.

March 2010 has certainly followed suit. Here is some of what we've been busy about.

1. Our African visitor:

this is Gabriel Kisanga. He lives in Kinshasa, in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. When we started our church we knew that we wanted missions to be a big part of it, so before we had a building, we were praying that God would send us a missionary to support. Before we had any money to support them with, we were praying that God would send us a missionary to support. God laid Africa on our hearts, and we got in touch with the Acts 29 director of Africa, whose name is JD. When we were asking JD who might be in need of some support for their kingdom work on the continent of Africa, he didn't hesitate a bit before naming Gabriel. In JD's words, Gabriel was "legit." He told us Gabriel was a church planter in the Congo who had been doing it for years...long before Acts 29 was in Africa, long before Acts 29 existed in fact.

It just so happens that in March of 2008, when Jeff and I went to A29 Bootcamp in Seattle, Gabriel was there too. We had hopes and made plans to take him to dinner to talk to him about his ministry, but due to some scheduling glitches we had to settle for giving him a ride to his next event and a 40 minute conversation in the car. Still, though we weren't able to find out all about his ministry, we were impressed.

We went home to pray about supporting Gabriel and did some more research on the Congo. We were surprised to learn that over 68 million people call the DRC home...making it the 4th largest nation in Africa. Because of it's strategic and central location in Africa, as well as its substantial natural resources, it has a history of being the nation oft coveted by war lords and power hungry politicians...so it has a bloody history, hosting the deadliest war since WWII. We learned that Kinshasa, Gabriel's home town, has been listed as the single most dangerous city for a woman to live on the plant. We learned that when the perpetrators of the Rwandan genocide were driven out of Rwanda, they moved to the Congo...which was good news for the Rwandans, bad news for the Congolese. Clearly this place needed the Gospel. Our hearts grew more and more burdened as we learned and prayed and spoke with Gabriel and JD, and not long after our church voted to begin supporting Gabriel with our whopping $150 a month missions budget. We knew it wasn't much, but we were so excited to get involved in what Gabriel was doing, and we figured what we lacked in financial support we could make up in prayer support.

Still, though, we longed to do more. Jeff and I grew up in churches where "the missionaries" weren't just some faceless group of strangers that checks were written to each month...they were people we knew and loved. They stayed in our homes and told stories of their culture and how God was working, and everyone got a burden for what God was up to in other areas. When Gabriel told us he might be coming to San Diego for a conference, we just knew we had to get him up here. We may not be able to afford air fare from Africa at this point, but we could afford air fare from San Diego.

Over meals together and prayer times together and Bible studies together we got to hear of all that God is using Gabriel to do. He currently has 7 churches that he has planted. Yeah. Seven urban, growing churches. Just in case that wasn't enough of an impact, he has recently begun his second seminary to train pastors. This, of course, is in addition to his five children, and various orphans who he cares for in his home. We were amazed to learn that because of the Gospel he has fallen out of favor with his family. In the Congo, one hopes to be able to send ONE of their children to university...so parents typically pick the child that has the most potential to send...with the understanding that once that son was established in his career he would care for his parents and siblings financially. So Gabriel's decision to leave his established career as a civil engineer in order to go to seminary in Paris was not met warmly, and much less his decision to return to start churches in the Congo. In the mind of the Congolese, if someone in the family gets the opportunity to travel to Europe or the USA, they should stay, earn money, and eventually send for the rest of the family so they can have a better life.

When Gabriel gave up a good paying job in engineering, then went to seminary, he was frowned upon. When he decided to come back to the Congo instead of staying in Europe or America, he was all but renounced. At first it was just his parents and siblings taking this view, but he shared with us that his eldest son, who is in his early 20's has been harboring resentment at his father's decision to be poor and remain in the Congo rather than taking his family to the states where his children could get a good education and make a comfortable living for themselves.

Yet he spoke with excitement about all that God was doing in his country. About all the young pastors that are being trained in the seminaries, who will then go out to plant more churches that will take the Gospel to his fellow Congolese. He spoke of some of these young pastors walking for miles to the next village to copy some passage of Scripture (because they didn't have Bibles in their language) which they would take back to their village and preach on for about 6-8 weeks before making the next journey for a new passage. He told us the astronomical prices that are paid in his country for even basic things, and how several of his seminary students go for weeks at a time with no income. We learned from another A29 pastor that Gabriel typically eats only once a day because funds are low. But far from complaining, we saw this rock solid faith that God was going to provide for their needs, and an excitement about what the future would be.

It was inspiring. It was an amazing gift for all the people of our church to get to meet him and break bread (or goat) with him and catch the burden for someone who only a week before was only a name they'd heard at church. Suddenly he was a real person with a real family who was their friend. Most churches our size could never bring in a missionary from that far away...we were so thankful for the opportunity God gave us.

2. Operation make-a-church. It's this really cool thing where you find a building that was once an auto shop, an herb shop, and a random office suite and turn them into a church. The very long process of finding a suitable building that we could afford to use culminated last month when we signed the lease on a building. Then began the fun stuff...like taking down the giant garage door and replacing it with regular human-sized doors...

and creating fun kid spaces...

...and general clean-up/drywall/stage-building/sound-booth creating activities. We're not finished yet, thankfully there's still some March to go.

3. A project called "sure, it may be EASIER to get your produce at the store...but what fun is that?" We're planning our very first garden.

Seeds have been started indoors (basil, peppers and tomatoes) and we even have some cute little baby sprouts poking up out of the dirt. Our raised beds are built and expectantly waiting for the arrival of soil and seed. It has been a fun so far. What we lack in knowledge or experience we make up for in ignorance and enthusiasm...so we'll see how it goes. Silas likes that there is dirt involved. Alex likes that there is record keeping involved. I like that there is food involved.

You can expect to hear far more about our gardening expedition than you probably care to. Just giving you fair warning.

4. Three funerals and a school porch...

God sometimes has very interesting answers to prayer. For the past few months Jeff and our elders at Culdesac have been praying that God would give them opportunities to share the Gospel in that very needy community. We were expecting the answers to come through packed Easter services, or maybe even a well attended VBS this summer. But so far it's just been through people dropping off. Three people (who we didn't know) passed away in the Culdesac community so far this month, and being the only church in town means you get to do all the marryin' and buryin'. So throughout the services Jeff has performed, we estimate about 100-200 previously unknown citizens of Culdesac have been confronted with mortality and then given a Gospel presentation. It will be interesting to to see what fruit comes out of God's word going out.

The school porch is the never-ending volunteer project that Jeff signed up for back in the days of only having one job. It's taken a while, but it has picked up speed in the past few weeks.

So...if you've seen my frenetic facebook status updates about busy-ness or disappearing weekends...these are the sorts of things I've meant. All good things...but all happening, when else, but in March.

The Silas Six

2010-02-15T13:34:00.000-08:00

When you have two children thirteen months and a week apart...well, things get a little blurry. The first four years or so are sort of whiz by in a fast forward of waking up in the middle of the night, changing diapers, doing laundry, and scraping food off various surfaces over and over and over again. (Megan if you're reading this I'm totally kidding. It's the easiest thing EVER.) As a result, you miss some of the funny little things these little people do and think and say. Or maybe you see them but you're too sleep deprived to find them amusing.

So while there is much to be gained having kids so close together, I've come to highly recommend that you try for having at least one kid that you can enjoy without morning sickness or a sibling to burp/wipe/bathe/chase every minute of their young life. Because it's quite entertaining. Here are 6 things Silas is doing these days that I find entertaining and or mortifying.

1. Silas really likes 101 Dalmatians...known to him as simply "Puppy Dog Mowie." As a result of repeated viewing, he's come to refer to all mealtimes as "Tea time." It makes me smile every time I hear a black/Latino toddler call down the stairs to his sister, "Abby! Tea Time!"

2. "Guy" has evolved. You'll remember from this post that Silas doesn't say Alex. Never has. He's been "Guy" for the past several months...but apparently Silas decided it was time to upgrade, and at some point in the last couple weeks he's decided to call him "Achoo." At first we thought he'd heard him sneeze or something, but the name has stuck and Alex's cold is long gone. So now it's "M'on, Achoo, sgo side ana kicka the ball." We really are trying, I promise, to teach him to say Alex. But he sees no problem with naming his brother after a sneeze.

3. Lots of Grandmas. Lately we've noticed him identifying a LOT of random people/pictures in books as "Grandma" and we were at a loss as to what his criteria were for this one. Finally we put it together....it's glasses. Anyone (usually women, but that seems a less important detail) wearing glasses who is clearly not a child is Grandma. So about twelve times today at the grocery store I heard "Wook momma-kim, ana Grandma with the eggs ina box." in the egg aisle and "Heh-whoa Grandma!" in the check-out aisle. Some of these women were maybe 40, so I was offering frightened smiles and feeble explanations "er, he, um, calls everybody that."

4. Lots of singing. The boy is obsessed with music and singing. A few days ago Jeff was home with him and Silas insisted that they listen to "I Luv Rap Music" about 12 times. I'm building a strange little repertoire with him as well, so at night before bed I take requests and dedications that sound like this:

"Donkey Song?" (a goofy two line ditty that Abby played on piano in first grade. we recently read a book about animals and I made the mistake of singing it for him when we got to the donkey part. now I get to sing it at least 7 times a day)

"Stoppy-Sign Song?" (he became enamored with stop signs a couple months ago, so when he found a little paddle Clarkston Bantam sign in Alex's room he proudly pronounced it his very own stoppy sign. So, being raised in the golden ages of Sunday School songs, I taught him the Stop and Let Me Tell You song. It's a big hit. Especially if he's actually able to hold the sign while we sing.)

"Rain Song?" (the wise man built his house upon the rock. he's getting this one down pretty well and manages to hit most of the nouns as we sing..."...man....house....wock...man...house...wock..." but his favorite parts are the "stood firm" ((said very manly with a furrowed brow and flexed biceps)) and "went CRASH!" parts.

"Ree-tard song?" this one gets weird looks when he asks for it in public, as it did from his father and sister until I translated...it's "Goodnight Sweetheart" and it's a bedtime staple.

5. Another favorite movie is Aristocats. Tragedy struck a couple months ago when our upstairs dvd/vcr combo died, holding his beloved "Kitty Cat Mowie" captive. Jeff resolved to take it apart at some point and at least retrieve the tape, but in the mean time we hauled up the other vcr since he does most of his movie watching in our room. A couple nights ago we entered our room to find that a booklet on the floor. It was the owner's manual of the vcr/dvd player that he had pulled out of the drawer. Jeff cracked a joke something like "Guess he got tired of waiting for me to fix it!" and then, to our great surprise, we realized the power light was on...(we hadn't been able to turn it on before, and that's why we couldn't get the tape out). He hit eject and out came the Kitty Cat Mowie.

6. Flirting 101. Apparently playing hard is a tool that works on toddler boys. If someone takes notice of him in a store or something and says something genial like "Oh, aren't you cute! And how old are you little guy?" he promptly hides his face and cowers like he's been assaulted. However, if that same person were to pay no attention to him whatever, eventually he would likely say "He-whoaaa!" with a big cheesy grin on his face. Then when they actually DO engage him he smiles very coyly and confesses that he is "Shy!" while batting his eyes and trying very hard to act shy. What a turkey.

Girl Power

2010-02-13T14:06:00.000-08:00

My latest book is Radical Womanhood by Carolyn McCulley. If you have two X chromosomes, you need to read this.

My friend Melane, who I work with, read this book, and found its message so compelling that she bought 14 copies to hand out to the rest of us. It appeared in my box near the timing of the tumor tale so I shoved it into a backpack and promptly forgot about it for the next month. Had a few things going on.

But over Christmas break I rediscovered it with great joy, the way you feel when you put on your winter coat for the first time of the season and find five dollars in the pocket.

The author spent the first 30 years of her life a man-bashing feminist. She even took women's studies courses in college and learned all about how our patriarchal society was the root cause of all her problems. But when she went to visit her sister in South Africa, she somehow found herself at church on Easter Sunday. A church that was pushing for racial reconciliation. She saw people who should have hated each other because of the color of their skin, instead loving one another and worshiping together. The preacher talked about sin and separation and redemption and restoration and she gave her heart to Jesus almost unwillingly.

As she begins her new life, she somehow has to make sense of everything she'd been taught and used to believe about gender roles and what it meant to be a woman with what she now saw in the Christian church. She started doing some heavy duty research into the history of the women's movement as well as what the Bible said about women. What she came up with is the message of this book...which, in my opinion, may be the most balanced and studied look at the feminist movement and its repercussions on the world (both evangelical and secular) that I have seen.

These are the things that stood out to me, in no particular order:

* How little I knew about the history of feminism. I knew some of the big names, like Gloria Steinem and Margaret Sanger and some of what they did, but I hadn't even heard some of the names that were fairly huge in this movement. This was particularly interesting to me in light of...

* How far reaching the legacy of feminism is. I was literally saying things like "So THAT'S why there are so many laundry detergent/feminine product/cleaning supply commercials!" and "I always wondered why home economics was a required class in public education!" and "Well THAT explains why feminist groups aren't doing more to fight the porn industry!" While I read. I was struck by how our lives and culture can be so heavily influenced by something even though we don't realize how or why the influence is there. If you think that because you grew up seeing traditional gender roles or going to church and would never consider yourself a feminist that your thinking and values have not been at least somewhat influenced by it...I bet this book will prove you wrong.

* Darwin thought women were lower on the evolutionary food chain than men. I found this interesting given how Darwin is practically worshiped on the same college campuses that scream for the feminist cause. However, even though The Origin of Species was originally a setback for the movement, all was eventually forgiven because

"Darwin helped promote the secularization of American society, and thus served to further undermine the religious role of the home. All of this eroded the interest of American intellectuals, including women, in domesticity."

* Feminism has played a MAJOR part in the devaluing of motherhood. I found this ironic, because most women will at some point be a mother.

*A recent study suggests that there are 100 million "missing girls" who should have been born, but were not, due to gender specific abortion. 50 million Chinese girls and 43 million Indian, the rest in other Asian nations. UNICEF released a report that stated that India is losing 7000 girls a day. The social implications of this are legion...but perhaps the most startling is the fact that India leads the world in sex trafficking...because for every female child aborted, there are male children who will one day desire a wife, who, will likely be kidnapped from her home and shipped across the sea or across the country. This figure also does not take into consideration the vast number of Asian girls who have been adopted out of the country.

* The messages young women are getting from schools, television, magazines, even their doctors about fertility and family planning are colored by feminist agendas. Women are told to finish college, and get established in their careers before having a family...only to find out that by the age of 35 fertility rates have already dropped dramatically. As of 2002 there are 26.7 million women aged 15-44 who are childless...44% of all the women in that age group. It's a record high number, and it's 10% higher than in 1990. Obviously, some in this group are too young to responsibly have children, and some have chosen childlessness, but a large number of this group wanted and intended to have children, but were not able to, and a large number of THAT number finds themselves unable to have children because of the risk factor of age on fertility. We're being told that we can have it all...we can go to graduate school and take ten years to build a solid career and buy a house and then, when we're really ready....we can start a family. Only, as many women in their late thirties and forties are being told in fertility offices every day, sometimes we can't have everything.

* How the church ended up being a testosterone free zone.

If you've spent much time in churches in your life you've probably noticed that it's not exactly 50/50. Recent studies put it more around 70/30. There've been all kinds of books written about how to fix that, and books about things that are currently contributing to this problem...but I've never done any reading that offered an explanation as to its origins. Which of course is really interesting to people starting a new church and all, but I think anyone who's ever been tempted to think that somehow women are more sensitive to the Lord or intrinsically more spiritual would do well to find discover some of the history of evangelicalism in regards to gender roles. Fascinating stuff.

Well, there's more...like I said it's a really good book. But this post is quickly approaching the length of the book itself.

Adding to the Stack

2010-01-13T06:59:00.000-08:00

Just As I Am, the Autobiography of Billy Graham

(Though I think I should get double credit for this because it was really really long. Just a suggestion.)

The Tumor Tale

2010-01-03T15:01:00.000-08:00

This will likely be long. Hope you have some tea or a snack close by. Here goes.

My husband tends to be very physically...intense. What he lacks in frequency of exercise, he makes up for in effort. Which means that rather than create a graduated regime of activity, he will take a notion to exercise and immediately go bike for 3 hours in the mountains. Rather than simply join in the game of middle school soccer, he'll take on all the kids singlehandedly. It also applies to physical labor. It's why he gets covered in mud and grime whenever he does anything even near dirt....he's just, really INTO whatever he does. So it wasn't anything new or surprising when over the summer he would mention a pain in his leg...right near the quad muscle. We both chalked it up to an over zealous bike ride or lifting a hay bale goofy or general stiffness from digging footings.

By fall though, the pain seemed to be more frequent...and not at all connected to any strenuous activity. Still, though, it was more an annoyance than anything. It wasn't really enough to impede his behavior or cause much concern.

I knew it was getting to be a bigger deal when he started preaching sitting down. If you've seen him preach you know he's pretty mobile...pacing a lot and what not. My boss is married to an orthopedic surgeon, and one day in the office the topic of random bumps and lumps and pains came up and I mentioned Jeff's leg pain. She said she'd have to ask her husband about it.

The week before Thanksgiving her husband encouraged Jeff to come in and get an x-ray. This revealed a tumor, but didn't give much information. Our doctor friend didn't seem too concerned, said he'd seen lots of benign tumors and that this was, in all likelihood, one of them. Still, he wanted to get a better look, because if it was causing pain it was probably going to need to come out, so he ordered an MRI for the following Monday.

We weren't too concerned, partly because HE wasn't very concerned, and partly because we had quite a bit going on. My mom was flying in to spend Thanksgiving with us, so we made a trip to Spokane to pick her up and spent some time shopping while we were at it. Besides, it gave Jeff ample opportunities to make jokes about them finding a spinal column and hair in there. ("yes. it was my twin.")

We went for the MRI, a less than pleasant experience for Jeff. Turns out he doesn't mind at all climbing into a teeny tiny crawl space that is dark and dirty looking for mice or snakes...but something about the teeny tiny space of the MRI tube was unsettling. That the procedure took about twice as long as they had told us made us wonder, but of course they couldn't give any information until our doctor had seen the results. With it being the week of Thanksgiving we didn't expect to hear anything until the following week.

That Wednesday afternoon were beginning the Christmas decorating...which is a several day process for us. Jeff was busy winding hundreds of lights on our tree, and we were listening to Christmas music when our doctor friend called us...and entirely different tone in his voice. The MRI had shown the tumor to be growing into (or possibly out of) the femur. That didn't mean much to us, but to our orthopedic surgeon friend it suggested an aggressive tumor...making it far less likely that it was benign.

He told us he wasn't comfortable doing a biopsy himself because of the unique placement and the precision that would be required to get into the bone to get a proper biopsy. He was referring us to a colleague of his in Spokane. His specialty? Orthopedic Oncologist. (gulp) He gave us this doctor's cell phone number (double gulp) which we were to call on Sunday night (office hours had passed by this point and it was officially the holiday weekend) and make an appointment for Monday (triple gulp).

It was all moving so fast it seemed and we were trying to make sense of all the information we'd been given. Jeff asked "So, could this still be benign?" and our friend paused, then said weakly, "well...it COULD be....but..." which we took to mean "No." (quadruple gulp).

It's so weird how things like this actually go down. When you picture getting these types of calls, with this type of news...time always stops and you take a good amount of time to process. But here it was, the night before Thanksgiving. We had our kids and my mom in the next room laughing and talking. We had plans to meet my in-laws at Locomotive park to look at the lights. I had food to make for dinner the next day. Silas wanted supper. It was a strange blend of the mundane ordinary sort of night with an 'our life just changed' sort of night.

We decided not to talk to the kids right away, they knew Jeff had some pain and that he'd had some tests. But as I said there were plans already made and we wanted to take the time to fully explain and answer their questions. We told my mom, and discretely told Jeff's parents at Locomotive park. Then for some strange reason we all went to Starbucks and sat around uncomfortably...not knowing what to say, all the adult minds consumed with the same thing, while the children chattering happily about the lights and Christmas and their favorite cookies.

When it was time to talk to the kids we wondered how to best handle it. One of our cardinal rules in parenting is that we are dedicated to never be less than truthful with our kids. This sounds easier than it is, I think. Because sometimes it means we've had to say things like "Yes, this is going to hurt very much." when we'd rather say "It won't be that bad." or "No, I can't promise that nothing bad will happen to me or dad or anyone else you love." when we'd rather say "Everything will always be okay, now go back to sleep." We've tried to be wise about not over burdening them with information they won't be able to process until they are older...but it's a fine line. In this instance, we knew that it was "big enough" that they would hear it being talked about, and we wanted to make sure that they heard it from us before they heard it from someone else.

So we sat them down, and basically told them what we knew...pointing out that God was in control...there was no reason to fear...blah blah blah. When we finished our shpiel the response we saw was typical for our two older children. One of them said "Okay." and then asked to resume their activity. The other...well, the chin began to tremble a bit. Then for whatever reason I had to leave, can't remember if it was a phone call or what, but I left the room, and...after dealing with whatever had called me from the room, gave Silas a bath. When it was over, I heard a child sobbing in their dad's arms.

I immediately knew which child, not from the sounds... just from knowing this child for over a decade. I never stop being amazed at how two children with the same dna and the same parents who are even practically the same age can be so different. This child feels things a bit deeper than their sibling. Is more prone to anxiety and fear. Jeff talked and prayed the kid through it, and they went to bed that night feeling better, but as the days went on this child seemed "far away" to their teachers and had unexplained bouts of physical sickness. My heart broke for this child, and I prayed that God would comfort the little heart in whatever the future held.

The next day was Thanksgiving. A very strange Thanksgiving, for many reasons. Of course the biggest reason was because one of the dinner guests was a probably malignant leg tumor that no one had invited. But to a lesser degree it was just really quiet. Just us, my mom, and Jeff's parents. We didn't even need to put the leaf in the table. After the feast we watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding, probably because Jeff had made so many twin jokes. We found out via twitter that Matt Chandler, one of the men on the board of Acts 29, the church planting group we're apart of, (and someone we felt we knew because we listened to his podcast religiously) had a seizure and an MRI found a mass in his brain, but they didn't know what it was. It felt weird knowing another family was facing the same kind of circumstances on the same day.

The next couple of days are mostly blurry. We were mostly trying to prepare for being away. We knew we would see the Orthopedic Oncologist on Monday morning, and that they would likely want to take some immediate action, but had no idea what to plan for. So I spent some time at the school getting things prepared for a sub, and did laundry so the kids would have clean uniforms, and arranged rides for them to and from school. We packed bags to go and left lists for my mom who would be staying with the kids. Again, this odd mix of the completely mundane (reminding the kids that the trash pick up day is Monday) and the life-changing (wondering if my sub would be for the week or the rest of the year).

Monday morning came, we kissed the kids good-bye and got in the car to leave. In the busy-ness of the weekend with family and long lists of things to do this was the first time we'd really had to talk, just the two of us. We compared notes and found that we were both thinking pretty much the same thing...that Jeff had cancer. Surprisingly, we also discovered that we were both at peace. Or maybe not surprisingly. It seems that the times people find themselves at peace are the times when they begin to grasp how little control they exercise over much of their future. Either way, it was nice to know we were both on the same page...sort of "It's our turn to face difficulty, but we know God is in control and that He is good, so let's just take it from here."

I don't mean to imply that there were never moments in that long 4.5 day weekend of panic. There were. Mostly in the middle of the night when there was no activity to distract the mind. Brains go to dark places in those moments and the fear would prickle its way up the back of the neck and wrap its tentacles around your head asking all the fearsome questions. But I can honestly say that there was never a moment when either of us felt cheated or misused by God. And in the daylight hours we knew He would carry us on whichever path He was asking us to travel.

It was also nice to be able to laugh with the nervous energy. Jeff and I both have a tendency to crack a lot of jokes when we're in tense situations, but we'd been around people nearly all weekend and other people think it's weird when you do this. In the privacy of our car, though, we could easily drift from joking to talking about an article we'd read about radiation and not have to explain or be given strange looks. We particularly employed this for the TWO HOURS we waited for our appointment. We made jokes about the papery shorts they made Jeff wear, and about how revealing his x-rays films were. And how modesty is the first thing to go when you've got cancer.

Finally the physicians assistant came in and viewed the "Tumor Movie" with us...the dvd of the MRI he'd had. She showed us the tumor, which was a lot bigger than we'd thought...about 7cm in length. Then she left for a while and we took pictures of the tumor on the screen and sent them to John with more jokes. Finally finally the doctor came in, shook hands in an all-business way and sat down to look at the films, muttering. It was kind of weird. His PA was there too and we weren't sure if he was talking to us or to her, but he muttered to no one in particular, something that sounded like "hibrushsplaysha". Then a little louder, (but still not in a way that made it clear he was speaking to us) he said "Yeah. That's not malignant."

We glanced at each other and said "Huh?"

"Yeah, pretty sure it's fibrous dysplasia. It's benign."

"And...you can tell that just by looking?" (for six seconds?!)

"Well, I could be wrong. But I don't think I am. We'll have to send it to the lab for sure. But lets take it out day after tomorrow."

And with very few other words, he whisked out of the room leaving us rather stunned. In the eight minutes he spent with us we'd gone from having cancer to not. Or at least probably not. We laughed incredulously as Jeff got dressed and we left the building. We knew it wasn't a sure thing until it got tested, but we also knew enough about doctors to know that they almost never say stuff like that unless they're fairly positive. And since we knew this guy to be the leading orthopedic oncologist in the eastern half of WA...we figured we could trust his judgment.

From the parking lot we made a few calls to family who, we knew, had been waiting and praying for the last two hours (and eight minutes) to hear from us. Then we went to a fellow Acts 29 pastor's house and spent nearly an hour in prayer together, thanking God and asking Him to guide in the coming days.

Then we left, ravenously hungry and euphoric. We had a celebratory meal at Olive Garden, even though we spent nearly the whole time fielding phone calls from more friends and family. Then, we went Christmas shopping. We knew Jeff would be laid up for quite some time after the surgery so we figured we'd use the day and a half in Spokane to knock out as much shopping as we could. It's amazing how un-grinchy Christmas shopping feels when you don't have cancer. We were guardedly giddy.

It just so happened that one of Jeff's elders from Culdesac was having his own trying season physically...he'd had a stroke a few months prior and having not been given a satisfactory answer as to why from the doctors in town, he decided to seek a second opinion with a connection he had with a neurosurgeon in DC. He flew out of Spokane the next morning so he and his wife took the whole family (Jeff's dad was already working in Spokane, and his mom came up to spend surgery day with me, and his grandparents already live there and were hosting us) to dinner to celebrate the good news.

Wednesday morning we made our way to check in for surgery. Again the nervous jokes resumed while he was prepped and we waited for his OR time. He finally got wheeled back just before noon. I joined his mom in the waiting room. A couple hours later the surgeon called to let me know all had gone well. That he wouldn't be able to say for certain until pathology came back in a few weeks, but that the tumor looked exactly as fibrous dysplasia always did under the microscope, and he was all but positive there was no malignancy. He'd drilled into the outside of the femur, scraped the majority of the tumor tissue off, refilled the hole with cadaver bone graft, and then put in some hardware for stability since the tumor had eaten enough of the bone tissue to make fracture a big risk. A large titanium plate went over the bone, and several gigantic looking screws in a region just high enough to ensure that he will be strip searched in airports for the rest of his life.

Once out of recovery we met Jeff in his room and discovered that morphine Jeff was highly entertaining. Unfortunately, our friend the morphine pump had to be taken away early the next morning, and then we were left with practically comatose Jeff for the day. More unfortunate yet was that the day after, we were left with racked-with-pain-Jeff. It was a long couple days in the hospital, but finally Saturday we were released to make the challenging drive home with someone for whom sitting upright was pretty much agony. His grandparents set up an air mattress in the back of his parent's Suburban and I hauled him home to see his kids for the first time in six days.

It was wonderful to be home, and to be back with the kids...but it was a hard first week as Jeff tried to stabilize his meds. We thought it was unfortunate that the hospital did not explain how to wean one's self off the heavy duty drugs. When he started having some nasty side effects, like seeing goats in our living room...we decided to scale back. So I charted out a dosage for him where he would take the meds every 3.5 hours rather than every 3...thinking we'd gradually over the next 2-3 days stretch to 5-6 hours between doses. It was a good plan, in my opinion.

It should be noted here that he was sleeping downstairs because it was easier for him to get around and believe it or not I DIDN'T want to sleep with the window open in December. So I would set alarms for him and leave his meds out for him.

Yeah, apparently people ON heavy pain meds aren't in the best position to follow some of the instructions. After I went to bed, he...determined to get himself off the stuff as quickly as possible...thought "If a half hour is a GOOD amount of time to stretch it, imagine if I could stretch it out even more? Like, say, 10 hours?" Unbeknown to me, he went that long without one of his heavier pain meds. That's when things started getting really interesting. I couldn't understand why he was getting so sick...almost unbearable nausea and tremors and sweating and mood changes. Until he finally told me. I was very tempted to beat him with his own crutches at that point. But I didn't. (See? Growth.)

We got in touch with the doctor who gave some excellent advice for gradually weaning off the heavy meds, and prescribed some less intense ones to cover the pain. Eventually he was off the scary ones, with a newfound passion for the war on drugs.

Within a couple weeks he was back to work, and now, only a little over 2 months post-op, he's basically back to full activity. No crutches, no cane. He has gone biking (slowly, on flat surfaces, and with great exhaustion) and running. The only activity that still gets him is, ironically, sitting. The tumor was close enough to the hip joint to make that a bothersome movement.

And here's what we've learned about Fibrous Dysplasia:

It's fairly rare. This explains why a bone/joint specialist with over 20 years of experience didn't recognize it. He later told us he hadn't seen it since he studied it in medical school. He saw an aggressively growing mass that was eating through bone and was totally convinced (he told us later) that it was cancer. It is caused by a gene mutation that happens in-utero but is not genetic. So Jeff had this thing since before he was born, though it was probably teeny tiny small. It took 32 years to grow large enough to start causing symptoms and pain. They didn't remove all the tissue, it will likely grow back, but if it's at the same rate we should be okay for a few decades. He will need to have semi-annual x-rays to watch its growth, however, because even though it is completely benign, any sort of growing tumor cell can mutate into cancer over time. So they'll take careful measurements and watch its behavior and if anything starts looking suspicious they'll take a biopsy.

We also learned that it's also not a cheap thing to fix. Our bill is unsettlingly near the 30,000 mark. Also unsettling is the fact that our insurance company is denying the claims because it was pre-existing. We're contesting that, because while we don't have formal medical training we're pretty sure it's hard to have an insurance policy while still an embryo, which is the only point that Jeff didn't have this condition. We're in the appeal process, which is really fun. But, we still have peace that God will work it all out. If it doesn't get paid for by insurance we know God will provide another way.

Here's what we've learned about God/life/trials:

I heard someone say that trials prove your theology. We can intellectually believe all kinds of things about God and His care for us, but in many ways it's not until we've been tested by the fire that we really know what we hold true about Him. What we both saw in the midst of this whole thing was a good God at work on a good plan much bigger than us. When we were both completely convinced Jeff had cancer we stood ready to receive that from our Father's hand by faith. I say this not to boast in our spirituality...certainly another "testing" would have come as we lived in that reality day after day like so many have had to. I say this to boast in the cross, because that was where the ultimate questions of "Is God really good?" and "Does God really love me?" were answered with a thunderous and resounding yes.

And He's been teaching us that all our lives. So that when the phone call comes that shakes your whole world...it can't shake your faith. That's what James and Peter mean when they have the audacity to tell us to rejoice in trials and suffering. We found that to be true.

I mentioned Matt Chandler, who found his ominous tumor within days of Jeff finding his. The similarities were striking. He's a pastor. Jeff's a pastor. He's in his mid-thirties, Jeff's in his mid-thirties. He has three kids, we have three kids. While we were living in a hospital separated from our kids and wondering what the future held and holding onto grace, he and his wife were too. I prayed for them often while Jeff was recovering. His pathology came back much worse than Jeff's. He has brain cancer...the kind surgery doesn't remove. He's just now finishing his first round of chemo/radiation.

And to God's glory, he's saying the same things I have here. It's easy for us to praise God now, now that it's over and good health is restored. We are praising and will continue to praise Him for that. But the truth of the Gospel is that God is good when the news is good AND God is good when the news is terrible. This time, for us, the news was beyond good. But let's face it, bad news is in the future. Nobody gets a pass here. So one day, when the news is bad...I'm confident that Jesus will give us the grace to face it with peace and thanksgiving. And He'll be just as good then.

So that's the story of the tumor. I'm putting it here for mostly our my own benefit. Lessons learned during difficulty are far too precious to squander with fleeting memories. Maybe it will bless or encourage someone else as well who is going through something, that would be nice too.

More Silas Speak

2009-12-31T15:19:00.000-08:00

This is my favorite picture of Silas from Christmas. There was a board game being played (by a group which included my lovely sister-in-law Tina, clearly) which he took as an invitation to climb up on the table for a closer look (not to mention easier access to the dice/cards/game pieces he would likely snatch), pilfer some goldfish cracker and look deceptively adorable. See, if I hadn't told you what he was doing you may have thought he was saying something sweet like "God bless us...everyone!" or "Jesus is the reason for the season!" or something like that. But no...I'm too committed to truthfulness. He was messing up a game.

But, in all actuality he wouldn't have been saying those things anyway, being, as they are, complete sentences with fully formed sounding words. He's more likely to be saying one some convoluted combination of the following:

"Momma-Kim": A couple months ago Silas discovered it was fun to call me Kim on occasion, even though he'd been saying momma for months. I'd say he called me 'momma' 90% of the time, and Kim 10%. I figured he'd grow out of it. Then my mom came to visit the week of Thanksgiving, and we all spent said holiday at my in-laws. Then my mom's visit became unexpectedly longer when Jeff and I had to be out of town for a week, staying with yet another of Silas' grandmothers. "Grandma" has not yet been a word he has successfully said with any consistency, so when Grandmas 1 and 2 drove him up to see me, at the home of Grandma 3...he naturally got a little confused. We were all standing in the kitchen in a semi-circle and he went around giving names, they were all "Momma" and I was "Momma Kim".

Since then, every woman who is or looks to be someone's mother is called Momma...whether it be the mother in a book, in one of his movies, at a family gathering, or in the grocery store... and I am Momma-Kim. It's awfully cute every morning to hear "Hi Momma-Kim."

"Guy": So...turns out Abby is a really easy name for babies to say. So we weren't surprised when Silas picked that one up before any others...we figured "Alex" or at least some attempt at Alex would follow shortly after. Then a couple of months ago it became clear that Silas' best attempt at "Alex" was....Guy.

I think it happened because each day when the big kids left for school I would tell Silas "Say Bye guys!" and he dutifully did. Evidently, if the two of them together are "guys" then surely one along must be a "guy".

In any case, poor Alex has been "Guy" for months now. My mother made it her personal mission to get Silas to say "Alex" for the two weeks she was here...and failed. So if Alex gets him a toy he can't reach it's "Nts, Guy." or if Alex is playing with his cars it's "No no, Guy!"

A couple of days ago Jeff took the kids out to play in the snow and Silas had lots of fun throwing snowballs at the house, his father, and his siblings. So earlier today he asked Jeff..."Ohside, pyay, ina snow...snowballs Guy head? ana Guy tummy? ana Guy back?" which, translates into "Can we go outside and play in the snow and throw snowballs at Alex's head, his tummy, and his back?"

"Fees!": His sign for 'please' had gotten so incredibly sloppy that we started insisting that he say the actual word, and this is what he came up with. As in, "Fees paste?" when he wants to brush his teeth for the fourteenth time that morning, or "Fees poppa n corn?" when he wants Jeff to make him popcorn. He's satisfactorily learned that if he wants something he has to say 'fees'...now comes the harder part...teaching him that saying 'fees' does not mean he gets what he wants.

"Hmmmm, lets see.....oh! dare is!" This one cracks me up. When driving around this time of year we like to keep a look out for Christmas lights to keep him occupied since he's not the most long suffering passenger. We'll say "Silas, can you see any lights?" and this is his response. Not sure where he picked up the hmmm let's see part.

"ana go? movie?" Silas has a checkered past when it comes to the cinema. At a couple months of age we took him and the older two to see the Veggie Tales movie. He was a gem and spent the whole time staring at the walk-way lights on the aisle. This initial experience gave us false hope...and his subsequent movie performances were less than exemplary and usually involved Jeff leaving the film altogether in favor of letting him crawl or run through the lobby. He spilled a giant bag of popcorn at Bolt. He chose The Tale of Despereaux as the perfect time to fill his diaper. He squealed and screeched through a few others before we gave up. Jeff declared, and I believe this is a quote "I'd rather not go than have to manage Silas. In fact I'd rather not go, stay and clean toilets with my toothbrush than have to manage Silas." I know because I just heard it less than a week ago when the idea was presented to the in-laws of going to see Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. So, the womenfolk and the over-three children went and the men stayed home with the napping babies. But it was SUCH a fun movie that I really wanted Jeff to see it...and since it was still at the dollar theater I suggested it, quickly adding that since I'd already seen it, if anyone needed to wrangle Silas I would volunteer for the job.

So, we all went, and wouldn't you know it...Silas sat still and quiet and captivated for the entire movie.

Now every time we get his coat on to go somewhere he asks hopefully if he can go to a movie. I told my friend Beth that he and I may become regulars at the dollar theater, even if I'm not interested in the movie, two bucks is a small price to pay for two hours of calm and quiet sitting.

"NO FITS!" We believe in giving simple labels to unwanted behaviors as part of the discipline process so the kid, for one thing, knows WHY he's being punished but also is reminded what to avoid in the future. So once he got to fit-throwing age, when we corrected him for it we would say "No fits, Silas." and encourage him to repeat after us after the discipline was carried out. He's learned the lesson well, apparently. A few weeks ago he had to share a toy with his cousin and in fine two year old form launched himself onto the floor in a pile with much screaming. Jeff picked him up and started down the stairs for some privacy when Silas promptly swats his OWN bottom and shouts "NO FITS!" Of course, lest we get too excited for the comprehension, he says this EVERY time he gets into trouble, not just when it's for throwing a fit. But it's a start.

Stacks

2009-12-31T15:00:00.000-08:00

I'm starting a new thing. Hang on to your hats. Or, as my friend Jamie always said, your butts. Hang on to your butts. It's that exciting.

I've always been mystified by volumes of...whatever...in a life. Like I've always kind of hoped that part of heaven is where you get to see a huge stack of all the food you've ever eaten in your life. Or see the tally of words spoken in your life. All sorts of things like that...lots of stacks. Then you could compare it to other people's stack just for the curiosity of it. I think that would be highly interesting.

Of course one stack I'd really like to see is the stack of books read in a life. But since I don't have any firm biblical support that such a feature actually does exist in heaven, I've decided to take this one into my own hands.

Unfortunately, because I didn't have this brilliant idea earlier...I'm not going to have an exhaustive list. My stack will have a nearly 32 year deficiency. But, better late than never, right? Plus, I often have people asking me for book recommendations, at which point my mind goes blank and I can't seem to recall the last few books I've read, let alone know who the author was. This way I have a place I can find it.

So here's how it will work. I'm going to list every book I finish. (Key word being finish. I give a book a solid 3 pages to suck me in, and if it hasn't yet, too bad so sad.) Starting about a month ago when I had a lot of time in waiting rooms to read.

The rules:I can't retro-actively add a book that I've already read...unless I re-read it. Which, I've been known to do. Compulsively. So, if it's a repeat, it gets red letters, if it's a never been read, it gets black. Books of the Bible do not count. Books read to children under 10 don't count. Reviews/commentary may or may not be included.

So, beginning in late November 2009:

Black by Ted Dekker

Red by Ted Dekker

White by Ted Dekker

The Color of Water by James McBride

Ellen Foster by Kaye Gibbons

Ladies Auxiliary by Tova Mirvis

Old Year's Clean-up

2009-12-31T12:48:00.000-08:00

Since tomorrow is New Year's Day...that makes today Old Year's, doesn't it?

I'm feeling like a guest writer on my own blog. It's been a while, and I feel I owe the blogosphere an explanation...if not a true apology. I don't want any cyber-negativity following me into 2010...so I wanted to clear a few things up.

1. I Peter.

Ugh, the rackings of guilt. Remember my last year's resolution to do an in-depth study of Peter, blogging all the while? I got off to a great start. (At least I like to think I did.) But then the following things happened...

A. I started leading a Bible study with some friends. This ate up a good chunk of my time allotted to studying...but it also gave me deadlines. After all, the group was showing up at my house once a week whether I had anything to say or not...so when I had moments to dig deeper in scripture...they got devoted to whatever topic we were studying as a group. Less time for friend Peter.

B. (And this is by far the weightier contributor) I had gotten to some tricksy areas. I think Peter's got a lot of nerve saying that some of the stuff Paul wrote was hard to understand when he goes through Noah and spirits in prison and how it all relates to baptism. Not going to lie...this was a little intimidating. And more than that I guess I wasn't highly motivated to study it out because I didn't feel that it was going to speak to me all that much even if I did know what the heck he was talking about. It wasn't addressing nuts and bolts topics like marriage, and it wasn't an inspiring and uplifting discourse on the reason and value of suffering.

So...for mostly those reasons, I decided (it turns out) to take a break from Peter. I know these aren't great excuses, but they're the ones I've got. Trust me, any judgment you come up with in your mind for my inability to finish something I started pales in comparison to my own.:)

I do intend, at some point, to dive back in and get over the hump. But it will likely have to wait a bit. Till then rest assured that I have not given up on reading the Bible...even studying the Bible. Just on blogging about I Peter...for now at least.

2. Photos.

Or the lack there-of. Of my children, in particular. I'm the place cameras go to die. Every camera I've ever owned has suffered an ill fate...though I guess the reason may have something to do with the fact that I've never had a new camera. They've all been hand-me-downs...which are great, I mean, you definitely can't beat the price. But at some point you have to question to rationale that says "What? You have an old junky camera that you're so fed up with that you are replacing it? Heck YES I want it!"

So, my last camera started its slow and painful death over the summer, and by September had signed a DNR. Whatever pictures we wanted had to be taken with Jeff's blackberry..which...while a wonder of technology when it comes to phone calls, texts, and the internet, isn't a great plan A for all our photography needs.

So when Christmas began to loom in the future I didn't mess around. I decided the time for coyness, subtle hints and hoping someone would catch on had passed. I sat Jeff down on more than one occasion and said, "For Christmas all I want is a camera. Nothing else. Please get me a camera."

Somehow, my subtlety worked! I was presented with a wonderfully compact and cute camera of my very own...as in, it had NEVER been owned by someone else. It was from a STORE. In a PACKAGE. And while I suspect that Jeff felt a little cheated out of the gift-giving process...I couldn't have been happier.

All that to say, pictures will be coming. Maybe even on this post...if I leave myself the time.

3. The tumor.

I can't imagine how, but there may be some among my readers who did not hear about the adventures we recently experienced with Jeff's leg. Not to worry, I do intend to bore you incessantly with the details/life lessons of our journey...mostly for my own benefit since I don't have the self-discipline to journal. All in good time.

Okay. I feel so much better with all that off my chest.

Silas Speak

2009-10-13T06:46:00.000-07:00

My boy turned two on Sunday. If you ask me, and let's just pretend that you did, a child between 2 and 4 is hitting their cuteness peak. They're figuring out language, which always makes for some good stories, yet they still NAP. Which is, frankly, incredibly important so that said language development doesn't cause a mother to take up drinking in the early afternoon. They still have the baby thing going for them enough so that it's cute (rather than annoying) when they say goofy things and behave like, well, toddlers. (Trust me, toddler behavior is decidedly UNcute in an 8 year old.)

The unfortunate thing is that this cuteness peak also happens during the "life-is-so-busy-one-day-melds-into-another-and-days-turn-into-months-overnight" season, and if that weren't enough, it also happens to be smack dab in the middle of the "parental exhaustion vortex". (Which, if you've seen the graphs, you know happens frequently during the first 4 years, and then again once 14 hits.)

All that to say, kids tend to be saying and doing the most entertaining things at the very time in which their parents are least disposed to find them entertaining, AND at the very time when their parents are least likely to remember anything but the Go Diego Go theme song. It's actually why camcorders were invented. Maybe.

Sooo, before I forget details of this wonderful season, I'm going to record some of them. On my blog. Because it's faster than scrapbooking and doesn't make my blood pressure rise.

This installment, as you saw, I call, "Silas Speak". I will include translations because without them this makes little sense.

Most Often Heard Phrases:

"Go Go?"

Translation: Can I watch Go Diego Go? For the 11 time today? And I'm asking as a formality because even if you say no I'll just meander into your bedroom, turn the tv on myself and hope that it shows up. If not, I'll enjoy a bit of Frasier or Judge Judy.

"Bat, uhBall? Ball naBat?"

Translation: Several meanings. 1)I see a ball and or a bat. 2)We've recently driven past a field where Alex has played baseball, where other people are playing baseball, or where it looks like at some point in past or future, someone may play baseball at some point. 3)I want to go put on Alex's batting helmet. 4) Alex is wearing his baseball shirt and or hat. 5) I am breathing.

"Caww?"

T: Water.

"Some? Caww?" (violent waving motion)

T:Can I please have some water? (Then, when given...)

"Nts"

T: Thanks.

"Mo? Mo naDog?"

T: Mo is a dog.

"Oh Mo!"

T: Mo is eating my toy.

"Hiii Mooo!"

T: Hi Mo! (with a cute factor of a bazillion)

"Mo poot? Good poot?"

T: Is that Mo's food? Is it good food?

"Mo naDog na Mo na Eyes?"

T: Mo is a dog and Mo has eyes. (this statement must usually be repeated rapidly 4 times before pausing for an answer.)

"Gickees?"

T: Can I have cookies?

"naSad."

T: I'm sad. Because you have denied me cookies.

"MOM! ahnaEYES?!"

T: Look at how funny I am, mom. I'm plugging my ears, and then shouting at you really loudly because I can't hear myself. And to be even more hysterical I'm claiming to over my EYES when I know full well I'm covering my EARS because I am just that witty. I will now throw my head back and laugh wildly.

"NO NO!"

T: Alex is touching, looking at, or thinking about one of my toys, or some other random object that I have deemed off limits to him. (Like the water pitcher.)

"Cheese"

T: I see a camera. Or am holding a camera.

"Bye guys."

T: Farewell, random person at Walmart, the park, or in the car next to us at the light.

"MOM! I'ma Stuck!" (heehee)

T: Excuse me, mom? I know that it's my room time, that precious bit of the morning when I play in my room and you do...whatever it is you do when I'm not around...but I have yet again crawled into my crib because it is just SO amusing...and now I can't get out. I know how much you enjoy this game of taking me out twice a day. You're welcome.

"isa Beh-bees?"

T: Where are the babies? Perhaps I mean Jack, or Kate (who may be two years older than me but is still classified as a baby), or perhaps I have seen an infant seat in a vehicle. In any case, I must know where the babies are.

"nun, two, nun, two GABAH!"

T: I am counting something important, like the stairs as I walk up them, or the crackers on my plate, or the markers I have found despite the best attempts at 4 people (all of whom are bigger than me and smarter than me) to hide them.

"ts That?"

T: What is that? I swear I have no recollection of you identifying that object ever before. Like the lamp in the rec room. I know you insist that you tell me every single day of my existence, but I think you're maybe just kidding and that it's new.

"Moot"

T: I see the moon. Or some stars. Or something that, when you hold it at the right angle and squint, could possibly look like a star shape.

mo

2009-08-10T17:20:00.000-07:00

I'm always doing these hypothetical social experiments in my head. They never come to anything but they create an enjoyable mental diversion from changing diapers and folding laundry. Here's my latest.

What would happen if we took one day and prayed about every decision we faced?

That's right...every. What's for breakfast, God? The tee shirt or the tank top? Which park should I take the kids to? You get the idea. What would happen, if, instead of just making decisions automatically using only our brains, emotions, task-list...we prayed about everything first?

It all started with a conversation we had at our "I've got a male child under 2" Bible study. (Ok, so that's not the real name, but it could be...because we all do.) We were talking about how easy it is to autopilot through life and not pray, even about the bigger issues (...like should I buy house A or house B? Or, should I take a part-time job?) let alone the small, mundane decisions of life. Eventually we got around to asking where's the line? Because none of us really felt like God expected us to pray over the decision to have toast or cereal. Assuming we have a functioning brain in our heads, I think it's safe to say we can make that call on our own. Yet, obviously I think God does have opinions on what house we buy or where we work. So, when it comes to prayer requests, how small is too small?

And before you get too excited, I didn't take on this hypothetical challenge. Maybe someday.

But I did make a decision to turn a specific matter over to God entirely and not move forward until He said so. It wasn't a huge life altering decision, but for whatever reason, I decided not to take matters into my own hands. (for once.)

It was this decision to get a dog. See, I've wanted a dog for most of the summer. So have the kids. In fact the whole household was in agreement on the issue except for one person. Jeff.

And Peter keeps irritatingly reminding me to submit. So while I knew that I probably could have gotten my way on my time table using various well-honed skills like flattery, cajoling, pestering and my personal favorite, Bambi eyes...I decided, just this once , to be quiet and wait. Well, as quiet as I know how to be.

Then one day before Jeff left for the Man-U camp out, he followed me down to the laundry room (one of the few that our children usually don't frequent) and said something that made me very happy. He said "I want you to get a dog." Not "Fine! I give up! Go ahead!", not " I suppose." but a wonderful, generous expression of him WANTING me to get a dog. Grin.

The hard part over, now I just had to find myself a dog. Now, my impatient and prayerless flesh, far more likely to go with Dog Right Now over Dog Right wanted to head to the shelter and grab the first one I saw, but I remembered how I had surrendered this one to God. So I let him know that I would really like to get a dog before summer was over so that the kids could bond before going back to school...and let him know I'd be checking the papers and the internet, and asked him to let us know which one was for us. Turned out looking for a dog can become a part time job. I was emailing shelters from here to Walla Walla and Spokane inquiring about dogs I'd seen on their sites. I scoured Craig's list. A few seemed like they might be the right one...a good breed, age, disposition...but then they'd get adopted by someone else, or I'd find out they weren't housebroken...etc. It was tiring, but I knew that God would show us when the right dog came along.

Then I found an ad on Craig's List for a sweet lab. Emailed the owner, who, it turned out, wasn't really the owner...she found the dog wandering around a couple weeks before, and picked him up to find the owner. Advertised, checked the shelters, all that, and nobody claimed him. Her name was Bonnie.

We sent three or four emails back and forth exchaning information. She wanted to be sure the home she was finding was a good one, so she had some questions for us just like we had questions for her. And in my heart I knew God had brought us the right dog. He sounded perfect. She graciously offered to let us take him for a week, and told us if it wasn't a good fit we could return him to her and she would find a new home. We agreed and started discussing arrangements with her to pick him up from her in Coeur d'Alene. As we emailed back and forth about schedules and what not we got to know each other a bit...she mentioned in passing that her grandfather had passed away a few days prior so certain days she would be unavailable. I also learned that even though she had no responsibility toward this dog, she took it upon herself in the two weeks she had him to have him neutered, got his shots, and had a microchip planted in his neck so he would be trackable if he got lost. I was impressed by her care for him. Eventually we figured out a day and time that worked for all of us, and we headed north to pick him up.

The meeting was good, though she was younger than I had supposed. I have an aunt named Bonnie so I guess by default I had imagined her as my aunt's age. She was much closer to my age. She sent us with some of his food and a packet of his health records. I emailed her the next day to let her know how the dog was, since she had obviously developed an attachment to him.

And for whatever reason, the emails just kept bouncing back and forth. I had a question about flea/tick control...she had a question about the information to register the chip under. She mentioned that they have a cabin here on the Snake where her husband fishes. Just friendly small talk...but I was enjoying getting to know her. Then she said something to the effect of "I've been going through a lot of the details of my grandfather's death, and have been have been really down today."

So I told her I would pray for her. In the initial emails I'd told her what type of work Jeff and I do...so she knew where we were coming from. The floodgates sort of opened after that and she had all sorts of questions about what happens when someone dies, what the Bible says about heaven etc. Without ever trying, I was finding myself in a golden opportunity to share about my faith. I recommended a Randy Alcorn book that was really encouraging and helpful to me after I lost my dad. (Later on I told my friend Beth about Bonnie, and she just happened to find that exact book at a yard sale for like a quarter, and bought it so I could send it to her.)

So what started out as me wanting a dog has kind of morphed into this new friendship thing. We've had the dog home for almost a month now and Bonnie and I are still in touch. We're finding lots of things we have in common, but I know one thing that is different about us is that she doesn't know Jesus. So I've been praying for her and just trying to be a friend...trusting that God will give me opportunities in the future. I've also been in a little bit of awe at how God's plans unfold. How this one small decision of mine to surrender to Him has spun into this completely unforseeable relationship that may someday become the beginning of someone's faith story. All centered around a dog.

So when I see this cute-faced, incredibly co-dependent, and slightly over protective pooch, I hope I always remember how much cooler it is to do things God's way than to push your own agenda. I don't think I would have been in sin to just get a dog the way most people usually do. But for whatever reason, God was asking me to let Him lead this one...and for whatever reason, I said okay. And it's been really cool. I know I've said that before but it's the word that keeps coming up in my head.

I'll not ruin this happy feeling by dwelling on how many opportunities we miss because we choose to make decisions based on pure logic or practicality or good planning. Instead I just want to focus on the positive side...that sometimes, when we yield our plans to His, we find ourselves caught up in something that's...big, and exciting and just...cool.

Here Goes

2009-07-20T15:24:00.000-07:00

"Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way,

showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel,

since they are heirs with you of the grace of life,

so that your prayers may not be hindered."

I Peter 3:7

I almost skipped this verse and moved right along to verse 8.

I don't mind speaking as a wife to other wives. I can relate with the struggles and challenges. I've been there, I am there, or I will be there. I count it a privelege to take the things God has taught me through His word, other women (who have played the same role for me), and life experience and pass that which is worthwhile on in the hopes that it might help someone else in a similar situation.

But now, Peter's talking to the dudes. And it gets kind of complicated. I've got the theological part of my head telling me that it's not proper for me (being female) to teach men. I've got the pragmatic part of my head telling me that there probably aren't any men who read my blog anyway besideds my husband, so why bother. I've got the theoreticist part of my head saying that I could discuss the ideas in their conceptual/literary realms and just avoid the "preaching" part. I've also got the "do a sister a favor and set him straight" part of my head telling me to assist my brothers in Christ in their marriages. But quick to reply to that part is the part that is HIGHLY reticent to become a resource or feeding ground for discontented wives. Lastly, I've got the lazy and kinda hungry part of my head that tells me this is future Kim's problem and to go have a piece of cherry pie. See? Who do I listen to?

And it's all interesting timing because when I started studying these verses it was just a few days before the guys of our church took off on a camping trip to talk about what it means to be a man of God...how it impacts things like marriage (among other things). I've been helping Jeff do some research and get his materials together. I've also been leading a Bible study among good friends, all of whom are wives. Through these events I've become terribly burdened for men. All that to say I'm still not entirely sure where this post will go, but I'm hoping it's some place profitable or at least not detrimental.

So, here goes. As I see it, Peter is making the following points.

"...live with your wives in an understanding way..."

We tend read a word like "understanding" in this way as being a character trait...like, "Oh my kid's teacher was so understanding when I explained why he didn't get his homework done." It's what I sometimes call lip-biting and head-nodding reponse. Your girlfriend is feeling nauseus with the pregnancy and her toddler kept her awake all night. We grimace sympathetically to show that we are understanding. But that's not really what this word means. This phrase could also be translated "live together according to knowledge"...so it's not so much understanding sympathy as it is understanding knowledge. Like, you hope your doctor has a vast 'understanding' of your condition.

Mark Driscoll uses this text to claim that men are to be perpetual students of their wives. And the knowledge that they gain they are put to use each day as they live with their wives. So, using Driscoll's theory, a husband studies his wife and discovers that she is prone to become overwhelmed and anxious when they have lots of people over for dinner. So when Thanksgiving is coming and they invite the 28 relatives over, he should live with this understanding by offering extra help and support...(or perhaps by suggesting they not invite all 28 to begin with). The husband's understanding (knowledge) impacted how he interacted with his wife as they lived together.

I really like Driscoll's take on this, but I feel it may be somewhat limiting to make this body of knowledge exclusively about the wife. I think a man is to employ understanding of many things in his daily living with his wife. Understanding primarily about God and how he wants us to function as believers and then in our marriage and family would be of even greater use to the marriage than the husband simply knowing his wife's personality. Either way, there is a connection that Peter makes here between theory and practice. Husbands are to learn, yes, but not only learn, they are to affect their learning into every day life.

"showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel..."

The showing honor part is simply enough understood, (though perhaps not simply enough applied) to mean that a husband is to actively assign value to his wife. I find the study of economics simultaneously intriguing and revolting. (I know, I'm odd.) I remember in junior high having what seemed at the time a very mature and theoretical conversation of value and how certain things come to have value. The teacher asked us which we would rather have, a 5 karat diamond or a loaf of bread. Not surprisingly we all chose the diamond because it had greater value. It was worth thousands of dollars. Bread was worth about 98 cents. He agreed, that in the current state of life, yes, the diamond was far more valuable. "But what if circumstances changed?" he asked. We raised a collective eyebrow, wondering what sort of circumstance could possibly be considered which would change the value of the diamond. He said to imagine we were stranded on a desert island with no food in sight, having not eaten in 4 days. THEN, what would our choice be, bread or diamond?

It was the first time I'd stopped to consider the somewhat randomness of value. Few things are intrinsically valuable...and those that are tend to be less valued in a prosperous nation (like bread). In some ways, most stuff is only valuable because we say it is. This is us, assigning value. Choosing to make something prized. Most people have some posession that to the rest of the world is junk. A crayon decorated card drawn by a three year old...a movie stub from a first date. Those things are valuable to the owner not because they are worth money, but simply because someone says "This is precious to me." That's what Peter's telling his guy friends to do with their wives. Assign them value. Not because she's the prettiest or the funniest or the best cook or the best mom...that would be value based on behaviors or traits. Traits that can change over time. This value is to be based in identity. You prize her because of who she is and not what she does. Intrinsic value.

So, how does one treat things of value? Up in my closet is a wooden box that is not very pretty at all, nothing ornate or decorative. It's too new to be an antique and too old to be contemporary...the sort of stuff found at yard sales all the time. But it sat on my parents dresser for years and somehow was passed along to me. This box contains some of my treasures. A pink Starburst, an old pocket knife, a pig made of sculpey, lots of other strange trinkets...an odd assortment for sure. But they are things I want to keep because they have value. So I put them in that box for safekeeping because I don't want something to get accidentally thrown away or ruined. I don't want them lying around haphazardly where they may get damaged or lost. I take care of these things that I have assigned value to. Peter's asking his friends to do the same with their wives. Well, the taking care of and assigning value part, not the shoving into a small wooden box in your closet part.

As for the weaker vessel part...again, theories abound. Some wax poetic and think that it may be a way of speaking of something delicate and precious...like fine china. Like, if you're going to move you pack the crystal goblets differently than you pack the thermos. Others think he's just pointing out that as a rule, women tend to be physically weaker than men...and reminding men not to use their size and or strength to dominate their wives. Either idea seems to work. The emphasis of the imperative is not the weaker vessel part but the showing honor part.

"since..."

Here Peter gives a reason for the learning and honoring...because wives are heirs with their husbands of the grace of life. There is no room for spiritual chauvinism here. Peter is reminding these men that their wives are not simply their wives...they are God's daughters.

Because of their role in society, women have had some tough roads throughout history. While some erroneously attribute that to Christianity, I believe without question that nobody ever learned to demean, marginalize,mistreat or mistrust women from Jesus. In a day when most men of his race would have. Instead we see Jesus engaging women, teaching women, healing women. Still, historically women have been an easy target. Physically weaker, often unable to financially support herself or her children without a man, women often found themselves at the mercy of men...often considered inferior to men, even property of men. Peter nips this idea in the bud. In those days women would not have been considered co-anything...here Peter calls them co-heirs to the grace of life.

In our post-womens-lib era perhaps this reminder seems less needed. Maybe that's why most messages on this passage focus solely on the learning and honoring part. But I do think that waking up each morning and seeing your wife as a daughter of the Almighty would help a husband ascribe greater value. We could say the same in reverse (wives to husbands), the same of our children, friends and co-workes.

"so that your prayers may not be hindered."

For me this is the most shocking part of the passage. The idea being communicated is that God is so determined to see husbands honoring their wives, that He will at times choose to withhold answers to prayer in the life of a man who is not doing so.

Ho-ly...mo-ly.

I spent a lot of time in someone else's car riding to church as a kid. It was there that I was introduced to Steve and Annie Chapman. If you have no idea who they are, look them up. (Jen, Jamie, Jonna, I know you're probably like "who hasn't heard of Steve and Annie?!" but trust me, we were just THAT lucky.) My 14 year old self loved Steve and Annie. They sang country-esque melodies about loving God and family. One song has the refrain that hauntingly (if not twang-ingly) says to a husband "You left a hurt in the heart of your woman, now God is not listening to you."

If we're ever prone to minimize the importance of marriage to God...this verse should correct that.

One commentator I read thought that the "prayers" in the verse meant the collective prayers of the marriage. But everyone else was quite sure that since Peter is talking exclusively to the husbands here, the prayers in question are those of the husband. I don't know exactly how this works, I don't know if it works the same way in reverse (a wife's prayers being hindered by poor treatment of a husband), but we have no scripture to suggest that it would. Perhaps this is just another way God, understanding the somewhat vulnerable position of a wife, takes care of His girls. Sort of like the old jokes about a young man showing up to pick up his date to find the girl's father cleaning a shotgun.

Now, if I were a husband, at this point I would be taking a look at my prayer life, and asking if there's anything there to cause me to take a look at my marriage. I'd be struck at the weight of these words. But that's just me.

Instead, as a wife, I am humbled and touched that the omnipotent God of the universe would care enough about the heart of a wife to say to her husband, "If you want the fulness of my blessing, the unfettered power at my disposal, the intimacy of knowing that I listen when you speak...take care of the daughter I gave to you."

True Beauty

2009-07-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

"For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah,

who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters

if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."

I Peter 3:5-6

I broke these two verses away from the four before it, not because it is a different thought, but simply because I had already droned on and on and knew I had to show you mercy and cut it off at some point. It makes much better sense to look at these in their context with the rest, but, well...you'll have to sort it out on your own. The real quick review is that Peter is reminding his friends who are married women to submit to their husbands. He even claims that submission to a husband will draw the husband's heart to Jesus. Then he tells them that true beauty comes from a gentle and quiet spirit. Now he gives an example of this.

Sarah was a woman that Peter's readers would have been very familiar with, probably much more so than we are today. Here's the short version of what the Bible says about her. Sarah (meaning princess appropriately) was the beautiful wife of the great patriarch of Israel, Abraham. God called Abraham and Sarah to leave their homeland and travel to a place that God would eventually reveal. God further promised this Abraham that he would give him descendants as numerous as the sands of the seashore...which was a remarkable statement considering that they were as yet childless. God made a covenant with Abraham promising to make him a great nation that would receive God's blessing and would in turn be a blessing to the entire human race. Admittedly, God's fulfillment of that promise began a bit slower than Abraham and Sarah may have liked, years later they were in fact blessed with a son (not many, just one) who was named Isaac, which means 'to laugh' because when Sarah heard that she would bear a son at the age of 90 she laughed...and knew that everyone else who heard of it would laugh as well.

Abraham and Sarah had many adventures and misadventures that we can read about in Genesis. Most of us who grew up going to Sunday School will recall the flannel-graph picture of poor unsuspecting Isaac on the altar with Abraham wielding a daggar over his head..."but just in time..." our teacher would chime, drawing our attention the the ram in the bushes nearby. Shortly after this event, Sarah dies at age 127.

The Talmud goes further in its description of Sarah's physical beauty, claiming that "She was so beautiful that all other persons seemed apes in comparison. Even the hardships of her journey with Abraham did not affect her beauty."

It seems that while on the topic of beauty, the Spirit led Peter to choose Sarah as an example

because his readers would have instantly made the connection between beauty and this woman. A woman so beautiful that over 200o years after her death her name is still synonomous with beauty.

It's like when you see Cindy Crawford on tv at 3 in the morning selling her new skin care products. I'm sure that the people who buy the stuff do so hoping that it will work its magic on them, that they may be as beautiful as Cindy. She's the face of the product. When it comes to a wife's beauty emanating from a submissive spirit...Sarah is the face of the product.

So, God's beauty regimen? Submit to your husband. Repeat as needed.

I used to think this reference to Sarah somewhat odd. After all, the thing that always stood out to me from Sarah's track record was when she grew tired waiting for God to deliver his promise and told Abraham to sleep with her servant Hagar. Because of this I never saw her as a model of faith and submission. It's possible though that I judged Sarah too harshly. Consider the following.

1. When God makes his promise of many offspring to Abraham, he never mentions Sarah. God promises that Abraham will have a son...

2. It was not uncommon for a man to have more than one wife in the days of Abraham. Scripture is oddly quiet about it, never endorsing it, yet never speaking against it in the Old Testament. We know that godly men in Scripture (like David) took multiple wives and were not rebuked. But we also see how sometimes having many wives had negative consequences (Hannah's situation, Solomon, etc)....therefore...

3. it was not necessarily an act of faithlessness that Sarah suggested what she did. Infertility was often assumed to be a defect of the wife in those days, and it is possible (if not likely) that Sarah believed herself to be serving her husband in encouraging marriage with her servant Hagar...furthermore...

4. Even after the fact, God never condemns Sarah or Abraham for the Hagar situation. It simply says that the Lord was gracious to Sarah and did for her what he had promised. Later on, when trouble arises between Sarah and Hagar, she encourages Abraham to send her and the son away, which God confirms. But then meets Hagar in the desert and provides for her and Ishmael, and makes him into a great nation as well.

All that to say, I'm not prepared to pass as harsh a judgment on Sarah that I once did. Perhaps she acted out of a lack of faith, perhaps not. Either way, God worked things out. It seems that there were negative and long lasting consequences from that decision (watched cnn lately?), but God has a way of letting his opinions on people's actions be made known, and since He doesn't rebuke Sarah for this action, perhaps I'm not right to either.

In any case, the Holy Spirit, through Peter, picked Sarah as the one woman to point to as a picture of a wife who submitted to and obeyed her husband. Ignoring the whole Hagar part, there were still times when Sarah had to follow her husband.

Imagine, fellow wives, if your husband shows up after work today and says "Honey, we're moving!" Upon further questioning you realize he doesn't exactly know WHERE you are moving or even WHY you are moving...let alone what life will be like after said move. How many of us would be willing to go along? Sarah had lived a life of wealth and ease to that point. Following Abraham meant giving much of that comfort up to be a desert bedouin. There would be difficulty and even dangers ahead of her, yet she followed her husband.

I believe the heart of a woman must be ever watchful for the idol of "security." We long to rest in the knowledge that our needs will be met, that our children's needs will be met. And there's nothing inherently wrong with that...but if we prize that security above obedience to God or obedience to our husbands, it becomes an idol. Sarah gave up the comforts of home, friends, family, stature in her community...she yielded to an incredibly uncertain future...all because her husband received a vision from a god she had likely never heard of before. I wonder how many of us would be willing to do the same?

I love when Peter writes about women and marriage...there's a tenderness and an understanding there that Paul lacks. I think God chose Peter to write these particular bits of truth because Peter was married. He knew the heart of a woman. In just these few verses Peter has touched on some of the greatest insecurity-driven questions women (both in his day and ours, it's amazing how little things change.) ask. He answers them well.

1. Q:Must I really submit to my husband? (A: yes.)

2. Q:What if he doesn't love Jesus as much as I do? (A:your submission will help him with this)

3. Q:Is my beauty enough? (A: true beauty is a submissive, quiet spirit. and it's permanent.)

4. Q:Can I trust him? (A: can you trust Him?)

He knew something about the insecurity, the craving for security, and he knew the temptation to "give way to fear" when that security is threatened.

Friend, what are your fears? What holds you back from trusting your husband...from trusting your God? Do you fear abandonment? Rejection? Loss of security? I'm sure Sarah faced those fears. She didn't give way to them. That's what makes her a true beauty queen.

I've failed here in a million different ways...but I'll never forget one of the few times I got it right...and the affect it had on my husband. It was when he told me he thought God was leading him to quit his job and start a church. I thought of my comfortable lifestyle that would evaporate. I thought of health insurance flying out the window with three kids in the house. I thought of the crooked teeth that we'll need to get fixed, and the vacations we would miss out on. I thought of the long hours and demands that pastoring a church requires, especially when you're doing it while working 40 hours a week somewhere else. I thought of the friends I'd leave behind at our old church. I thought of the kids and the friends they'd leave behind. I thought of the future babies I wanted to adopt and how much money that all cost. I had no idea what the future would hold for us.

But then, for one of the sadly few times, I remembered that God was my security...not Jeff. That ultimately, God was my provider, not Jeff. That God was the one who held my future, not Jeff. And so I trusted God...which meant submitting to Jeff.

And, I'm not trying to sound like a self-sacrificing heroine here...in reality there was not much risk. I wasn't being asked to give up my earthly posessions and move to a third world nation. In fact, for some, this exact scenario may not have required much faith or have been a big deal...but for me? It required a LOT of faith. Loads. And God was gracious and gave it to me.

Quite a while later, a few months into the "new life"...Jeff took me to dinner and gave me a card and a present and made a little speech that I'll never forget. He talked about how much it meant to him that I'd said I'd go where he went. It bolstered his confidence...made Him even more sure that God would provide for us and lead us on. Knowing he had my support and my faith buoyed his own faith. Somehow seeing me trust God for our future stoked his fire to trust God for our future and move forward in faith.

I've said it before, I'll likely say it again: I don't know why this works. I don't know why a wife saying "I'm behind you honey" draws a man's heart toward her and toward God simultaneoulsy. It doesn't make any sense on paper. But God says it does. And I've seen it happen in my own life and in the lives of others.

Submit....thoroughly...joyfully. Without holding back peices of your heart or your trust. Cultivate that beautiful, quiet spirit that can only come from a surrendered heart entrusted to God for its care (thereby freed from having to seek its own well-being). And watch the miracles happen.

Sum-Sum Summer...

2009-07-01T15:11:00.000-07:00

Like sands through the hour glass...my summer is slipping away.

And since this blog is about the only form of journal/scrapbook/memory keeping thing I do, I decided I better jot down some of the more memorable parts of the last couple weeks.

Our Anniversary:

When you're a church planter you don't have buckets of cash laying around, nor do you have vacation days sitting around waiting for you to use them up. So our anniversary was kind of low-key, we went to Spokane and pretty much the whole trip was centered around buying some bookshelves for Jeff's home office. We decided to make an overnight trip of it and dropped the kids at grandma's house. We stayed at a charming little Bed and Breakfast we like to frequent on the South Hill...a little place we like to call Grandpa and Grandma Tanner's. It was even empty since they were down here visiting so we got the run of the place. Sunday we went to church at Vintage Faith, an Acts 29 church plant in Spokane. Jeff and Steve (the pastor) have been chatting on the phone about church planting stuff for several months now and it was fun to finally get to visit another church plant. They're a little older than we are, 5 years old. Just starting church kindergarten where you learn your letters.

After that we headed to Target to buy the bookshelves. Then to Outback for way too much lunch. Then to walk off said too much lunch at Riverfront Park. I'd never been there in the summer when everything is up and running and there are lots of people there, it was fun. That's where this photo was taken.

It was low key but lots of fun. Plus my gift from Jeff was a trip we'll take in a few months to go to Seattle. We're going to see Wicked and watch a Sounders game. Can't wait.

Wedding Week:

(and I have no idea why this photo is so small)

When you have a big family, and some of that family is from far away, you don't just have a wedding, or a wedding weekend, you have a wedding week. I think it's like the weddings in the Bible. A week of feasting and drinking and revelry. That's what we had the week before Jenny and Ben (my husband's little brother) got married. Prepared a LOT of food (for the rehearsal dinner). Ate a LOT MORE food. Played some games. Had some laughs. It was great. But after a solid week you naturally feel a little hung over and stuffed and sort of feel like staying home for three days straight, drinking tepid tap water and eating only vegetables, which is what I've been doing this week...except for the water and vegetables.

Abby's Birthday:

Abby turned 11 right in the middle of wedding week, which made it both more fun and complicated. We had everyone over for a smorgasboard of desserts (because when you invite 20 people over a simple 9X13 cake isn't going to cut it). She and her cousins and friends were involved in some very intense dramatization where people were jailed after visiting the "interrogation room"...which at one point included friend Mary and an aluminum bat. (I promise, I don't let my kids watch 24. For real.) A good time was had by all and no one was injured.

Silas:

If you are the one who is supplying my 21 month old with uppers...please stop. We're all tired. The house quakes every morning when he yells "MOM!!!" from his crib.

We're quickly losing the only advantages we have over this boy. A while back all we had to do is keep things more than 3 feet off the floor level and we were okay. Then, in a moment I look back on with extreme regret, a whole new world was opened to him and it was all my fault. I was hanging up new drapes in the living room, standing on a chair. He just looked at me for a full minute, and I could see the wheels turning.

Now he is frequently spotted in various locations in the house, dragging or pushing a chair. Meaning he can now reach the jar of pens, the ipod speakers (and turns out he likes his music really loud), the knife block, and his personal favorite...the microwave. It took him about 12 seconds to figure out how to open the door, insert whichever object he liked (preferably something metal like a steak knife from the block) and press the right combination of buttons. Awesome.

His new found height, however, has not diminished in any way his love of finding new things to push down the stairs. Thank goodness.

My friend Beth, who had four incredibly busy children herself, gave me hope to carry on by saying that her busiest 18ish month old settled down exponentially by the time he was 2 and a half. I'm hoping for the same.

Despite the fact that he is a little brown pinball bouncing from destructive activity to dangerous activity, he continues to be among the most charming children I know. But maybe we're biased. You'd have to hear him say "Hiiiiii" with his little inflection to understand a glimpse. He may also be a great advertisement for our church because lately he stands on the steps while we jiggle the key just so in the infernal lock and to the cars 15 feet away at a stop sign says "Bye guys!" and waves.

And speaking of church:

Last Sunday Jeff preached and 4 people gave their lives to Christ. It was pretty much the best.

We're also getting ready for the Man-U camp out. There have been a flurry of meat/firearm emails bouncing among the campers, so I'm sure they will enjoy themselves.

On the horizon we've got God Print...the cadillac of vacation Bible schools. Both kids are extremely eager to go cook and paint and act and all the rest. Alex's birthday will also be here soon but we're kind of ignoring it for now because once August hits we know school is just around the corner.

Tonight we're going to have dinner with a man who introduces himself as "Old Bill" and his wife. They are in their 80s and have been married for over 60 years. They were adopting cross culturally before it was ever trendy. Can't wait.

And how is YOUR summer going??

A Word to the Wives

2009-06-29T12:47:00.000-07:00

"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without a word by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

I Peter 3:1-4

Peter just finished telling citizens to submit to their government, and servants to submit to their masters...now he's moved his sights toward wives. There is SOOO much to be said here...about the text itself and then more practical applications that we can unpack from it. Don't think we'll cover but a third of it, but here we go.

"wives...."

Peter here is speaking to wives and not women in general...which is important to note. This passage is not about men being in authority over women, it's about husbands and their authority over their wives. Big difference. Huge in fact.

"in the same way..."

As already mentioned, Peter is referencing what he's already written about regarding the submission of servants to masters. Interestingly enough, the word Peter used here was the word "homoios" which means "in a similar way"....okay, maybe that part's not interesting, but what IS interesting is the word that he chose NOT to use. A stronger term here would have been the word "kathos" which means "in the same way" or "in every way".

Meaning, of course, that Peter is not assserting here that the relationship a wife has to her husband's authority is the same as a servant/master relationship. There are similarities, but it's not the same. Again, word choice is so critical in Scripture...surely had Peter wanted to communicate unquestioning and total obedience/submission he would have used the stronger term.

"be submissive to your husbands..."

The word translated "be submissive" is the Greek "hypotasso". Obviously, the meaning of that word is rather important since it is the crux of the imperative. Some have poorly taken this word to mean 'be thoughtful and considerate; act in love toward one another', which, honestly, is rather easier to swallow. However, further study of this word and how it appears in the New Testament will not show this to be a legitimate meaning. When it elsewhere appears, it always implies submission to an authority. Here are some examples:

Lk 2:51: showing how Jesus, as a child, submitted to his parents' authority

Lk 10:17: showing that the demons were subject to the disciples (I doubt the demons were acting in love or being thoughtfully considerate)

Rom. 13:1, 5, Titus 3:1, I Pet. 2:3: citizens being subject to government authorities

I Cor. 15:27: the universe is subject to Christ

and several more that could be listed if I thought you cared. In none of these passages will the "be considerate and loving" definition work.

Some others have hold to idea of "mutual submission". This is usually based on Ephesians 5:21 which, in fact, says "be subject to one another". However, when examined in its context the meaning is clearly "be subject to others in the church who are in authority over you." Paul then goes on to describe that order of authority, children to parents, wives to husbads, etc. In these instructions, the relationship is never reversed...children should submit to parents, but parents are never told to submit to children. Same with wives and husbands...nowhere are husbands called to sumbit to their wives. So clearly the "mutual submission" interpretation of these passages is not legitimate either.

However more pallatable it may be, the text will not allow us to believe that wives submitting to husbands is anything more or less than...wives submitting to husbands. It's not just "being considerate" or "submitting to him just like he's supposed to submit to me". It's fairly exclusive and completely one sided.

Grudem says that submitting means "willingly to submit to your husband's authority or leadership in the marriage. The idea of willing obedience is involved in this submission, as is clear from verses 5-6." In other words, submission is manifest in both attitude and action. In a few verses down Peter will give an example of the kind of submission he's talking about by citing Sarah who "obeyed Abraham and called him her master."

The beautiful and freeing part of letting the Bible (as opposed to culture or our preferences) interpret the Bible is that we also get a great idea of what submission does NOT mean. For example, lest you think that wives are being painted here as somehow inferior because they are called to submit, consider that Jesus himself showed submission, both to his earthly parents, and to God the Father. Yet Jesus was in no way inferior to His parents and is one in essence and value with the Father. Nor does it detract honor when we consider that as believers we have high honor in God's sight, yet we are asked to submit to even the most depraved and twisted earthly rulers...not because they're better or more valuable than we are, but simply because that is the order that God has set up. Peter later will affirm the priesthood and spirituality of wives by saying that they are "joint heirs of the grace of life". Clearly, neither God nor Scripture views women as second class, inferior or less spiritually wise than men...no matter what the world thinks. Consequently, the world often gets it wrong here, in my opinion. One of the most hated-by-feminists-men in Seattle is Mark Driscoll because he calls men to leadership in the home and in the family. But if you listen to his sermons you will hear the heart of a man whose heart is zealous for the protection and honor of "God's daughters."

"so that..."

Again, there is reason given for a wife's submission...the evangelism and discipleship of her husband. Peter is claiming that the logical result of a truly submissive wife is a husband who is so totally attracted to her purity and respect, that He is won to God.

Holy. Cow.

A couple of weeks ago we visited an Acts 29 church in Spokane. As part of its service they took prayer requests from the group, and one woman shared through tears that her unbelieving husband was filing for a divorce that she very much didn't want. The man who volunteered to pray for her said something incredibly beautiful in his prayer:

"God, may you be so at home in this woman's heart that when her husband sees her, he is made homesick for you."

That man knew his Scripture in a way most don't. He knew that this husband needed Jesus and that, for whatever reason, Jesus often shows up for married men in the person of their wives. I don't pretend to understand the whys or hows, but I believe that it's true. For a husband, a submissive wife is beautiful to the point of being irresistable. And unlike physical beauty, this beauty beckons the husband not only to the wife, but to the wife's true master.

I know a lot of Christian women. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that probably 3/4 of them wish their husband was "more spiritual". That he read the Bible more, that he prayed with her and the kids. That he was as into church as she is. Dedicated to serving, giving, whatever. And anyone who spends much time in churches will tell you that there is nearly always a higher proportion of women in the pews than men. I don't know why this is. Part of me thinks that we have so feminized church that the only people who want to come are women, and they drag their sons along until they get married at which point their wives drag them along. Part of me thinks that as a society we have relegated men to hunting, fishing, watching sports, drinking beer, playing video games and chasing females...and very little else. Part of me wonders if it isn't part of the curse...the "your desire shall be for your husband, to rule over him" thing. But regardless of the cause, I think this passage gives a really really good cure.

Submit.

What if all the books you push on him to read, all the sermons you force him to listen to, all the nagging to pray with the kids and the cajoling to lead family devotions simply don't work? But what if God's answer really does work (imagine that) and all we really need to do is submit to our husbands and watch the magnet pull him in?

" Your beauty should not come from outward adornment..."

Some people take these verses to mean that women shouldn't braid their hair or wear jewelry or nice clothes. It's a poor reading of the text. Peter doesn't forbid any of these things, he's just telling women not to rely on these things to create her beauty.

In fact, he's focused more on inner beauty than making rules about what to wear. If I were to paraphrase I would say "Don't think you're attractive just because you have done your hair, accessorized and look great in your new jeans. What's truly attractive is the inner you...a beautiful spirit that is gentle and quiet."

I'm all for beauty 'helps'. I say if the barn needs paintin, ya paint the barn. Men are visual so to serve our husbands we should make ourselves pleasant to look at. But I do wonder what the result would be if we spent the time and energy making our inner selves attractive that we do getting our hair done, make-up on, etc.

When we were teenagers, my girlfriends and I used to read verse 4 aloud, and then pantomime shoving a knife into our hearts. None of us were what could be called 'quiet'. We thought that this verse was calling us to be the shy wall-flower women who never let their opinions be known. In our feigned rackings of guilt we didn't realize that this verse has little to do with how much one spoke. Rather, it means "not insistent on one's own rights" or "not pushy, not selfishly assertive" or "not demanding one's own way". Unfortunately, we would have been equally condemned.

A gentle and quiet spirit is attractive to people. Even unbelieving husbands. Not hard to see why. This woman is nice and considerate and caring... they aren't complainers or gripers or whiners. They are easy to be with and laugh a lot. They care about the needs of people around them. They make sure you have a comfortable seat and a cool drink. They aren't forever freaking out about every little thing or demanding attention. Whether they talk a lot or a little, introvert or extrovert, doesn't matter. Who doesn't like that person? More importantly, these are very precious is God's sight. Why? Because the only way a person can posess a gentle and quiet spirit is because they are placing continual trust in God to supply their needs. To care for them now and in the future. God delights in being trusted.

I wish I wrote this as someone who was even remotely close to getting it. But I'm not. Especially that gentle quiet spirit thing. But it's a goal I want to keep reaching for. I want to have enough faith to trust God with my heart and soul, so that I don't have to expect or wish other people would fill me up. I want to be more free to serve others and forget self...but I'm not there yet. Making progress, I hope, but definitely a work in progress.

I love this passage because it shows the beauty of working within God's desired set up. When we as wives, regardless of what our husbands do, choose to submit to God by submitting to our husbands, and behave with a gentle and quiet spirit, not onlydoes it please God very much, it makes us truly irresistable to our husbands...and even pulls them toward God.

Makes me wonder why we spend so much time then pushing our husbands, nagging and cajolin them to be what we want them to be... insisting that our needs be met... all the while trying to stop the hands of time on our skin and hair, diet our way into a smaller size, and find the perfect jeans. It's no wonder most women are so frustrated. We're trying to maximize our beauty and happy marriages, only we're going about it all wrong.

Suffer Like Jesus

2009-06-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

"Slaves submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable, if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. "He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth." When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead he committed himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sin and live for righteousness, by his wounds you have been healed For you were like sheep going astray, but no you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls."

I Peter 2:18-25

I've heard of books called "Pray Like Jesus" or "Lead Like Jesus"...even an "Eat Like Jesus". I've never heard of one titled "Suffer Like Jesus." I was wondering about this...thinking about the various Bible go-to concepts. In times of difficulty I've been reminded of God's love, His perfect plans, His presence with us. I've been told that all things work together for good, I've been told that those who wait on the Lord will mount up with wings like eagles. But I've never been told to reflect on Jesus's suffering or to follow his example...nor have I shared this thought with others. But when Peter desires to encourage his friends who are suffering (and whose sufferings will only increase given the political/social climate they lived in) he points them to Jesus, and not in the ethereal, abstract "just remember Jesus love you" way...he points them specifically to the suffering of Jesus and gives them an example to follow.

I can't speak for you, but the only times I've really pondered Jesus suffering have been around Easter, or before taking communion. Both fine times to contemplate it, but it's more in a "thank you Jesus for doing this for me" way than a "what can I learn about suffering from this?" way. I've never found myself hurting and called to mind Jesus experience with hurting. That makes this passage intriguing.

Some scattered thoughts:

1. The slave thing. The NIV (which I used above) translates the word oiketes here as "slave"...perhaps a better rendering would have been "servant" or even more particularly "household servant." Either way, people who misunderstand the Bible point to passages like this and say "Look, it's an archaic book that promotes slavery and demands slaves to submit to and obey their masters." Still worse, others throughout history have pointed to passages like this and said, "See? Slavery is okay in the eyes of God, and I can use the Bible to browbeat my slaves into submission under fear of divine punishment." Both camps fail to understand contextualization. The society Peter wrote in and to was far removed from the American understanding of slavery. I won't go into great detail...suffice it to say that although mistreatment of slaves was not unheard of in the Roman empire, it was certainly not the norm. In addition to being generally well-treated, servants were usually paid for their services and thus could expect to purchase their freedom if they so chose. Peter writes here for the purpose of encouraging believing those who, at present time, found themselves in the position of a servant, to serve their masters well for the sake of the gospel.

Moving on to suffering...

2. Not all suffering is created equal. I heard this proverb (a long time ago so you'll forgive the likely errant details) where a woman lost a son and in her grief seeks the wisdom of the king. The king tells her to go throughout the village and when she finds a home that has not known suffering she should ask for some salt. (Maybe it was rice. Pick your favorite.) Days later, she returns with nothing but the understanding that everyone suffers.

It's also said that suffering brings wisdom...yet, though all suffer, not all are wise. Peter says here that if you suffer for doing wrong, you don't get any credit. Plenty of people are suffering the consequences of their actions...and while I suppose it's better to endure that patiently than poorly, it's still not the grace-giving suffering that changes our hearts and causes us to commune more closely with our Savior.

So what's the magic formula to give suffering meaning? Peter mentions it in verse 19...we must suffer being conscious of God, or as ESV puts it, mindful of God. When we understand how deeply loved we are by God, and then consider how, in this deep love for us He has not only allowed, but hand-crafted certain difficulties and trials into our lives for the purpose of growing us...that is when suffering has benefit.

Doesn't mean it won't hurt. Doesn't mean we'll enjoy the process. But it does mean we can patiently endure this hardship as having been filtered through the altogether loving fingers of our Father and seek His comfort in it and His guidance through it.

3. "...to this you have been called..."

Wait...what?! Let that sink in for a moment...Christians have been called to suffer unjustly. Hoping this was an isolated remark, I was surprised to find the following texts saying pretty much the same thing...John 15:18-20, 16:33, Acts 14:22, I Thess. 3:3, II Tim. 3:12. Meaning that nearly all the writers of the New Testament agree that we have been called to suffer.

Why?

Because Christ suffered for us. Being a Christian (literally little Christs) means that we are following after, imitating the pattern of Jesus. Jesus suffered...and His suffering accomplished so much...the propitiation of the wrath of God, the cleansing of sin, the removal of the curse, the purchase of our redemption...the theologians have written volumes on it. But Jesus' suffering also provided us a pattern ...an example so that we may follow in his steps.

4. So how exactly did Jesus suffer?

"He committed no sin"...whatever Jesus suffered was completely unjust. And more unjust than any example we can think of because not only was Jesus not guilty of anything, he was completely holy. One time my dad lost a pack of cigarettes. It was summer so it was just he and I home all day. He had been in and out of the house doing various chores...and upon returning to where he was sure he had left his cigarettes he found them gone. He assumed I was guilty. (I was not.) In fairness to him, I was the last of many children, all of whom had pilfered cigarettes at one time or another. I tried convincing him to no avail. He remained positive that I was lying until he eventually found the cigarettes outside where he had left them.

It was a horrible feeling to be unjustly accused. My 15 year old pride was wounded and indignant that such an accusation could be made. Yet, looking back...I wasn't entitled to all the indignation I was suffering. You see, my track record was far from perfect. I'd been guilty of swiping things before...popsicles I'd eaten without permission on the sly...loose change left on the dryer. As I raised my defense we both knew I'd lied to him before. Even though I happened to be innocent of that particular crime, I was far from innocent. Jesus was entirely innocent. Not only did he commit no crime, his entire existence on planet earth was an unbelievably altruistic rescue mission. It would be akin to running into a burning building to save someone only to have them yell at you for getting mud on the carpet.

"When he was reviled, he did not revile in return, when he suffered he did not threaten..."

The whole time my dad was accusing me of theft and deceit, I was angry...but there was also a smugness about my innocence. I knew I had done nothing wrong, so I knew that I would be exonnerated at some point...and part of me relished the thought of saying "See! I told you!"

Jesus was one of many who suffered death by crucifixion. Yet I'll bet he was absolutely unique in that he hurled no insults and screamed no obscenities. I recently read a book called Death by Love, and it talked about how among those who were being crucified it was commonplace to seek revenge on the soldiers and jeering onlookers by spitting on them or urinating on them. It was a small act to avenge the merciless beatings, the cruel taunts. I would assume this to be even magnified in the cases where the one being executed was innocent of the crime.

But we see Jesus, not only innocent of the crime he was accused...innocent of all things. Dying a death he (and only he) did not deserve...with full knowledge that he rightly deserved the worship of mankind, and was instead receiving its bloodthirsty wrath. Yet his words from the cross were things like "Father forgive them" and "John, will you take care of my mother". With every nerve in his body on fire with undeserved pain, he was thinking of others. No threats, no defense speeches, no venom.

I'm amazed at this dignity in suffering. I walked into the open dishwasher yesterday and whacked my shin, letting out a groan that frightened my children. Then I griped about it like 6 more times before the night was over, checking for bruising and pointing out the lump that was rising. What incredible strength Jesus showed as he endured unimaginable physical, emotional and spiritual pain.

"(he) continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly."

We cheat Jesus of his humanity when we assume his ability to endure the cross was just "the deity coming out in him." As in somehow Jesus, being God, was a little above the ugly scene on the cross, viewing it in transcendant detachment. No. The pain, everything was real...and the way he endured it was by continually entrusting his care to God.

I think this is the key of the whole bit. We suffer well when we number one, do so "mindful of God", and number two, entrust ourselves continually to God. In our pain, we need to moment by moment speak truth to ourselves that we are in God's care, and God judges justly. His love sees. Jesus knew that whatever pain he faced had been measured out by God, and he knew that God makes no mistakes. He also knew that the fate of those inflicting pain was up to God as well. For their cruelty, they would either be accountable to God, or that God would forgive them because their punishment had been taken by Christ on the cross. Either way, the wrongs would be put right.

God has placed in each of us a sense of justice that will not simply forget wrongs. It's why children tattle, it's why adults hold grudges. There is something within us that knows those wrongs must be accounted for. When we suffer unjustly, there is freedom in knowing that the sins committed against us will be accounted for. I've listened to victims of rape and abuse ask how they can possibly forgive as God calls them to. How they can just "let them off the hook." I try to kindly point out that they're not on our hook to begin with. Their predator's sin will be paid for...either by them in hell, or by Jesus if they repent. God's universe is just and He himself is the judge. No sin goes unpaid for. To suffer well means we trust God to set things straight rather than make feeble attempts at revenge or restitution ourselves.

All this makes verse 24 all the more remarkable. He himself bore our sins on the tree...He died, the just for the unjust. He became subject to death so that we could die to sin and live to righteousness.

Peter will talk more about suffering in the next chapters, but we've already seen that to live as Christ lived means sometimes encountering "undeserved" (in quotes because none can claim perfect innocence) suffering...and that He has left us a pattern to follow. More to come!

It's not a mess...it's an...eclectic collage

2009-06-08T13:25:00.000-07:00

I haven't "life blogged" in a while, in fact I'm a little overdue. Which means that rather than a single unified theme or topic, this is going to be the blog equivalent of a collage created by a hyperactive kindergartener. Nothing too neat or organized, but lots of glue. Maybe some glitter.

Here we go.

Kids:

The big ones have been out of school for a couple weeks now and we're still in the love-fest that is always early summer. By late July we'll be looking balefully at one another wishing the other had somewhere else to be, but for now we're all peas in a pod. Each summer we issue a challenge or two to our older kids to keep them busy and their stop their brains turning to mush (or at least slow the process). Abby's challenge is "learn to cook some stuff. And bake some cookies." The specifics are that over the course of the summer she needs to create (unassisted) 7 meals for the family. Jeff bought her a couple of cookbooks to help her on her quest, so she picks a menu she thinks she can manage, adds the ingredients to the shopping list, and on her designated night tests her wings. She also has to try out some new cookie recipes. So far she's made a meal of Sicilian Meatballs Subs(tasty, but if you disrespect them they might bust your kneecaps) and made peanut butter cookies. Both were very tasty. She is currently planning her next menu.

Alex's challenge is to learn Spanish. His tools include a "teach yourself Spanish" kit with some cds and a book. His culminating activity is to go with us all to Paraiso Vallairta (sp?) and order for everyone in Spanish. Which, even if he messes up, we all get really good Mexican food. Right now he's learning how to tell a Spanish speaking person where he is from. And since he might someday be from places like The Netherlands or Israel or Indonesia, it is vital that he learns those phrases too. And makes lists of the phrases. Don't ask.

Silas has been given the challenge of staying out of the street. It's not going so well. A few weeks ago the gate got left open and he seized his opportunity to escape. He was on a full run about 25 feet up the street when we caught up with him. And we're ever so thankful that our neighbor was outside to witness this proud moment in our parenting.

This Saturday Alex plays in the Little League championship game, which he is exceedingly excited about. After that basesball will be over and I'm sure part of me will miss it. Abby began voice lessons last week and I'm more than willing to pay the money just for the entertainment of watching her practice her posture and breathing.

Church Planting:

Things are going well at Confluence...and in the world of church planting, well means that you are exhausted. We usually run about 50-70 people. In the next couple of weeks we launch "community groups" which is the oh so fresh take on small groups. Next month kicks off Man U, which is our men's discipleship/training...thing. I'm not a guy so I don't know all the inside information or secret handshakes or anything, but it sounds awfully exciting and masculine. I think meat is going to play a significant role in the ministry...so it can't be that bad. Summer is, we're aware, not the ideal time to launch new ministries, but this is where we are and we'd rather move forward than sit around waiting for fall.

Next Sunday is going to be very weird because for the first time, we won't be there. It is our 12th Anniversary so Jeff took the day off. We'll see what kind of shenanigans ensue while the pastor is away. If you find our bleary eyed church wandering around downtown Clarkston in the middle of the night with a pack of cigarrettes, just send them home and we'll deal with them in two weeks.

Books:

Books are my crack in the summer. I don't even seriously attempt reading anything during the school year because there is just not time between the kids and work and the house and all. But come summer, I fall off the wagon and I fall hard. Since May 25 I have finished about 7 books, two of which were Harry Potters so that accounts for like 1500 pages alone. And that's not me bragging, that's me confessing because I really am embarrassed about it. It's a shameful amount of time to spend in books but I can't seem to stop. Some greats so far...

A Thousand Shall Fall. This is the very interesting true story of a German Seventh Day Adventist family under Hitler's regime. The father is drafted into the army and ends up building bridges for the Nazi's invasion of Russian. The wife and children are left to survive bombings and food shortages and persecution for failure to join the Nazi Party. As SDAs they are committed to some things that make it challenging for them...such as worshipping on Saturdays, avoiding pork, and pacifism. Needless to say, it was not a great time in history for an Aryan to act a lot like a Jew. It was a fast and interesting read.

Peace Child. I really enjoyed this one. It's the story of missionary Don Richardson who was called to go to the Sawi people of what is now Irian Jaya. They were cannibalistic headhunters who viewed treachery as a cultural ideal. Imagine trying to explain the gospel to people who thought the real hero of the story was Judas because he helped kill someone under the guise of friendship. But Richardson firmly believed that within every culture there are redemptive analogies, stories and values, imprints on a culture that one can use to point them to Jesus. For the Hebrews He was the lamb of God...they got that. For the Greeks He was the Logos...they got that. His challenge was to find what it was in the mind of this primitive tribe that would unlock the gospel.

Humility. If I had an autograph book, I would so be stalking CJ Mahaney to get his. I'd never heard of the guy a year ago and now I'm trying to find everything I can that he's done. He's one of those guys who, when you read him, you realize he is just on a whole nutha' level than you are. But he makes you think you can get there too, and even manages to make you like him even though he makes you look bad.

John Piper. Again, whole nutha level. And FYI...many titles of his voluminous library can be downloaded for free via the Desiring God website.

Movies:

Finally, the Orchards have red boxes. Here are some of the great ones we've watched so far.

Slumdog Millionaire. I tend to avoid, on principle, movies with Oscar buzz, but this one is totally deserving. Go watch it. But not with your kids.

Valkyrie. Watched this one right after reading A Thousand Shall Fall and I was encouraged to hear two true stories so close together that showed that not all in Nazi Germany were brainwashed into supporting Hitler's monstrocities. Really well-made.

Marley and Me. I know I know it's the consummate chick flick. But when the Warriors were still in the world series I spent a lot of late nights home alone so I was in the mood for one. I was actually pleasantly surprised. I really liked how the couple in the movie related to one another. I even got Jeff to watch it with me the next day, and it spawned a new nickname for our youngest son, because if the boy were a dog, he would be Marley. A lovable nightmare of destruction. Again, not a family movie in my opinion, (no matter what the box says) but pretty good for the genre.

7 Pounds. A bit of a downer, but thought provoking and well acted. If you haven't watched it and want to, skip the next paragraph or I'll give it away. This movie actually fed the Calvinist in me, if you can imagine that. The whole idea is that Will Smith, racked with guilt over a car crash he was responsible for that killed 7 people, decides to orchestrate an involved plan to dramatically change the lives of 7 people to "make up" for the lives he took. Several organs are involved, including his heart...so it's truly the highest sacrifice possible. He gives his life willingly to help others...sound familiar? But one of the (many) ways Will Smith differs from Jesus is that Will Smith goes to extreme lengths to 'test' his benefactees. He wants to make sure that they are deserving...worthy to be given the gifts that would cost him his life. And I thought how thankful I am that Jesus did not look for the worthy...since they don't exist. Jesus died for us because HE is good, not because we are. That's the doctrine of total depravity...the T in the well-known TULIP acrostic. He chose us to be the receivers of his life (and eternity) changing gift apart from any goodness or faith in us...that's the U, unconditional election. So that no one can boast indeed!

The Homefront.

Our deck, pergola and trellises are very nearly finished...needing only to be stained. It looks awesome if I do say so myself. Very very exciting. We also declared war on some of the weeds and undesirable trees taking up residence in various nooks and crannies of our yard. This is all very cyclic...we built the deck so we spend more time outside. Since we spend more time outside we want to get rid of the weeds and trees that we didn't really notice while indoors. And since we're outdoors so often we end up looking at our house from the outside which led to today's chore, washing the filthy windows. Maybe we should have just stayed inside...it would have given me more time to read. Smile.

Mixing Religion and Politics

2009-06-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

"Be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emporer as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emporer."

I Peter 2:13-17

I almost lost my mind the day after Barack Obama was elected president.

People on all sides of me...wonderful and sincere believers in Jesus were behaving badly. I was frustrated and embarrassed. Facebook statuses (is that a word?) were cropping up like dandelions with words like "antichrist" and "hell-in-a-handbasket" and "ashamed to be an American." I felt ill equipped to take them all on, but when one of my students at school made a remark I tossed aside the prepared lesson and went a little berserk. The poor things were sitting ducks, and got to bear the brunt of every other anti-Obama remark I'd heard in the previous 12 hours.

And it wasn't because I was an Obama supporter. My vote went the other way. But that all changed the moment he became president, because of Scripture like Romans 13, and this one. I'll spare you the finer points of my speech to the slightly frightened sixth graders...but as this passage points out, believers in Christ should joyfully subject themselves to the leaders that God has seen fit to appoint. Whether we agree with their politics or not. Whether we think they are a respectable leader or not. Whether we got that leader through a democratic election or because the king died and his son took over command. The beauty of serving Jesus is that you are free to submit to and pray for the leaders of our world without expecting them to be the saviors...we've already got one of those.

Some would see this as impassivity...resignation...'whatever happens happens' thinking. And while I readily admit I'm not as politically informed or involved as many, I don't think that's the case. I do care about what happens to our country, the country my children will be left to live in when the consequences of the decisions we make today are felt. I just think that the manner and time to make change is not to speak venomous criticism toward the man God has placed as ruler.

In fact, this verse says if we really want to "be the change", we do it not through political activism (not that there's anything wrong with that per se) but through, once again, good living. Seems to be Peter's answer for everything from "How can I get my co-workers to listen to me about Jesus" to "What do I do when the president spends too much money?" You do good. You live out the gospel. I hope my proudly conservative Christian friends will forgive me this...maybe if we're dissatisfied with the job our government is doing, rather than whine and gripe and speak rudely of all things Democrat-ic...we should heed scripture elsewhere which tells us to pray, and heed scripture here which tells us to submit to them, and live right. Then we can live in peace and trust God (remember Him? the one who's REALLY in charge?) with our future.

Okay, I'll stop now.

Right after he tells them to be subject, he tells them to live as free people. Remember when you were a kid and someone told you to stop doing something and you're witty reply was "It's a free country!" The eight year old on the playground knows little of what that statement truly means. They think freedom means the ability to do whatever I want.

I've heard much made of "Christian Liberty" and remain skeptical of just how Christian some people's liberty is. We are free to serve our Master, and to serve our brothers. When I hear Christians claiming their freedom to have sex outside of marriage or be careless with alcohol or attend church once a quarter or become romantically involved with someone who is not a Christian...I guess they sound a little like the kid on the playground. Peter's reminding them that they are free servants. They are not to use their freedom as a way to hide or feel better about sin, they are to use it to serve Jesus and others.

The next part was my favorite one to study because I think Peter might have been making a little joke. He's giving instructions, reminders on how we're supposed to respond to others. ESV says we're supposed to honor all people. This means that we are basically to extend common courtesy to the world at large. Beyond that, upping the ante, we are to love the brotherhood...a higher obligation to other believers. Going even further, we are to fear God...an even higher and deeper obligation. Then, when it's time to get back to addressing the emperor, Peter reverts back to the first word. "In what is apparently mild irony Peter has put the emporer on the same level as 'all people'." (grin.)

So the balance seems to be that we should give proper respect and subjection to our leaders...but despite what the Roman Heads of State declared, they were in no way to be feared the way we fear God. I find this comforting, as I'm sure Peter's friends did as well. The stance of Scripture toward authority seems to be that we should obey, respect and pray for our leaders because of the position God has allowed them to have, regardless of their personal character or quality of service...and the fact that this comes from God is really amazing when you think about it. God telling us to submit to human authority...even that which is well-intentioned and benevolent...is a little like leaving Barney Fife in charge of the Sheriff's station. They might do okay running things for a while, but we just better hope nothing big happens or he'll shoot himself in the foot.

Which is to say nothing of the more malevolent leaders humanity has known. For every David there are a thousand Ahabs. In only the last century we've seen men the likes of Hitler, Stalin, Mao and other violence-mongering monsters come to power....and, difficult as it is to imagine, they have done so under God's sovereign hand. Shockingly, God calls His people to sumbit and the respect and to pray.

And yet not without bounds. Peter, before he told his friends to submit said he needed to obey God rather than men when he was commanded by his authorities to stop preaching about Jesus. That's why I'm so glad he included this little bit in verse 17. Honor the Emporer (by being subject)...but fear God. Only God gets total, unconditional submission. If the Emporer says pay your taxes, pay your taxes because God says we're supposed to be obedient. But if the Emporer says "Worship me as God" or "help me kill Jews" or "abort your second child" we can respectfully tell him "when hell freezes over." Insomuch as we can obey our human authorities without DISobeying God, we need to.

In our neck of the woods...these paths don't diverge much. Despite what the militia members think, the right to keep an arsenol of weapons in your basement is NOT God-given. Neither will paying high taxes force us to disobey God. So for us, at least for now, the path is pretty clear, thank God. Believers in Muslim and Communist run countries would love to have our set of complaints.

I hope my children get to enjoy the freedom and comfort with the powers that be that I have. But even if they don't, I hope they will only ever honor the emporer and only ever fear God.

Deee-sighhhhhh-yyerrrr

2009-05-18T14:22:00.000-07:00

"Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day He visits us."

I Peter 2:11-12

Here Peter is transitioning from proper theology to proper living. The first bit of the book was focused on the hope of the believer in Christ...now he's moving on to the way a believer lives his or her daily life.

And he does so as their friend.

Because of Peter's fame and apostolic authority, he has every right to make commands and directives as someone who's "in charge". Indeed, the people who received this letter would have certainly seen Peter as an authority, but the apostle instead appeals to them from a place of affection and love. English translations here seem to be lacking. You either get the somewhat archaic "beloved I beseech you" or the too casual "friends I urge you". The gyst is that Peter is writing to people he loves dearly, and he's pleading with them...not simply making a suggestion...that they abstain from sinful desires.

One commentator suggests that some of these desires would be found in Galatians 5:19-21...things like sexual immorality..idolatry...rage...selfishness...drunkenness etc. In that passage Paul says that we should live by the Spirit so that we wouldn't gratify these desires, Peter seems to be upping the ante and saying to stay away from the desires themselves. The tense of the verb would say "continually keep away from or avoid them". Vigilance is needed.

I find this interesting because we tend to see urges and impulses as morally neutral and only wrong if they are given in to, but this passage seems to indicate that the desires themselves are to be avoided. This isn't to say that being tempted to sin and sinning are the same thing...but it is worth pointing out that our desires can be restrained. I think particularly of sexual sin, which begins without exception in the mind. If these desires are not rooted out while still in the idea stage they easily put down roots and lead to full on sexual immorality. I think it was Martin Luther who said you can't stop the birds from flying about your head, but you can stop them building a nest in your hair. Thoughts, desires, impulses can be wicked in themselves-even if we never act on them. Peter's rebuke is needed in our world that we CAN and MUST take charge of our thoughts and desires long before they ever become actions.

And why? Why should we go to the trouble? Two reasons are given.

One, because these desires war against the soul. Love this phrase. Again, present tense...these desires are continually waging war against your soul. These desires left unchecked are posing constant harm. Constant weakening of the spirit's defenses. I know so many anemic believers...who crawl along from crisis of faith to crisis of faith and never know victory, joy or peace in their walk. Yet their faith seems sincere, their intentions seem good and even their actions don't give cause for concern for the most part. I wonder if in some cases there hasn't been slow and steady assault on their souls because they have not sought to bring even their desires (as well as their actions) under the authority of Christ.

In calling his friends aliens and exiles he's reminding them that planet earth is not nor will it ever be home for those who belong to Christ. We're like astronauts who can function in space as long as they're wearing their suits and all the hoses are connected...but who would be foolish to ever become too comfortable and lax in their actions, lest they damage their moon helmets (I used to work for nasa, that's what they're called) and get vaporized. We're the same way...we're on a different planet spiritually. Because this isn't the home our souls were created for, there are dangers and toxins that we have to take precautions against. One toxin for our souls is entertaining sinful desires. Peter's pleading with his friends not to get lax in this regard.

The other reason given is the world is watching. Basically Peter's saying that if we live good lives, unbelievers may persecute us for a while (accuse us of doing wrong) but eventually, some of them might get saved (glorify God on the day He visits us). Wow. I've heard a lot of tips on evangelism....person on the street evangelism and friendship evangelism and small group evangelism and from the pulpit evangelism. I don't think I've ever heard someone say "You want to evangelize? Live a good life. People who seem to be your enemies are watching and the way you live matters."

There's something different about a person who continually seeks to avoid sin. There's something radically different about someone who continually seeks to avoid the temptation to sin. People notice. And for a while we may be labeled or mocked ostracized because of the movies we don't watch or the websites we won't visit...but the benefit of fleeing temptation is a strong and perceptive soul, and the potential conversions of those who observe our way of life.

But

2009-05-04T12:53:00.000-07:00

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy."

I Peter 2:9-10

Some of my favorite parts of the Bible start with a but. "you were dead in your sins...but God..." or "the wages of sin is death but the gift of God..." or "but God demonstrates his love for us in this way...". In these passages and others, this miraculous three letter conjunction gives us the good news. Like, he just ate the last cookie, BUT there are more in the oven. See? Great news!

Peter just finished talking about how some people stumble over Jesus, the idea is not so much an "oops, didn't see that rock, tripped over it" but that of taking offense at and rejecting. How their lives are characterized by refusing to believe the gospel, and even further the text seems to be saying that they are living in general rebellion of God. And then Peter makes a startling statement...this is what they were destined for.

(I won't here try to make a case for reformed theology or Calvinism. There are those who find the notion that God would choose some for salvation (and not all) offensive. They would find the notion of reprobation even more so. Someday, after a bit more study, I may write to that topic specifically, but for now let me just say that this verse isn't talking about the classic examples tossed around when discussing this topic. This verse isn't talking about the person living in a remote village who has never heard the gospel. It isn't even talking about your sweet elderly neighbor who bakes you cookies and volunteers at the Soup Kitchen but happens to be an agnostic. This verse is talking about people who, in spite of opportunities, have chosen to show contempt for the cross. People who live their lives rebelling against the God who made them in every way they can conceive. People who would spit upon the broken body of Jesus.)

BUT...Peter quickly interjects....we were destined for other things, like;

To be a kingdom of priests. In the Old Testament, and, for that matter, lots of pagan systems, the priests were the ones to represent men before God. The priest would pray on the nation's behalf, and would offer sacrifices to atone for their sins. For the Israelites, priesthood was something you could only be born into...you couldn't "become" a priest the way you could become a lawyer. It was exclusive and prestigious honor to stand in the Lord's presence and minister. But, as in every other way, Jesus made things better. Now that honor is available to all to believe. No longer do we need someone else to offer prayers on our behalf. No longer is an intermediate necessary. We are our own priests, and we serve as priests to the unbelieving world we are trying to reach.

A Holy Nation. Peter pulled both of these thoughts from Exodus 19:6. Believers form their own spiritual race, their own spiritual nation. That's why elsewhere the New Testament says "There is no longer Jew or Greek...." All the dividing lines of ethnicity and nationality and class are abolished once someone comes to faith in Christ. We are immigrants who have left our homeland and our countrymen behind to be citizens of another kingdom.

Peter's friends must have seen much comfort here, because they were exiles. In a day when few people ever left the village they were born into, they'd been run out of town on a rail...probably several times. They likely had family they had lost touch with, friends that they wondered about. Sort of reminds me of the Island of Misfit Toys from Rudolph. But Peter's reminding them that their real home is with their real countrymen...fellow believers.

A People Belonging to God. God made us, and He bought us. We are twice His.

And why? Why are we destined for all this? To make God famous.

I couldn't possibly say it better than Wayne Grudem: "The answer to our search for ultimate meaning lies in declaring the excellencies of God, for He alone is infinitely worthy of glory. Redemption is ultimately not man-centered but God-centered."

I feel like I could write page after page on how that last sentence has totally up-ended my theology in the last few years. But you've done nothing to deserve that, and this is supposed to be about I Peter. So I'll reign it in. For now.

And oh, my stars. For the lovers of literature out there verse 10 should make your heart sing. Never before had I known that Peter was again alluding to Old Testament...and not just any book, but one of my favorites....Hosea.

Hosea is this beautiful and tragic story that just kills me every time. God told his prophet Hosea to marry a woman named (sadly) Gomer. Together they have some children and all is well until Gomer becomes (or perhaps returns to, the text isn't clear) a prostitute. God tells Hosea, "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she...is an adulteress." So Hosea goes and buys his wife. This woman he had loved and cared for for at least a few years, possibly many, is standing on the auction block. She probably smelled of cheap wine and stange men. No doubt dressed as a prostitute. Drunk, lust filled men leer at his wife...HIS WIFE...and she's probably enjoying it. The mother of his children is out turning tricks, selling her body to the highest bidder. So Hosea becomes the highest bidder...he pays 15 shekels of siver and some barley to buy back his wife.

How we despise this woman. This woman who had a husband who loved her, cared for her and provided for her, and children who needed her love and guidance and she traded all that for loveless sex with depraved men for pocket money. What kind of twisted psychological issues would lead someone to behave like that?

Then we realize that Hosea is living out a cruel object lesson that shows how Israel (and, mankind in general) behaved toward God. Even the names God instructed him to give he and Gomer's children are significant because they showed the judgment Israel would face because of their unfaithfulness to God. Their son was named Lo-Ammi, meaning "not my people", their daughter was named Lo-Ruhamah, meaning "No mercy."

Peter is saying, once you were Lo-Ammi, but now you are the people of God. Once you were Lo-Ruhamah, but now you have received mercy.

You see, we're just like Hosea's wife. God created us, loved us, gave us innumerable blessings and graces, but we chose to run after sin like a prostitute runs after a wealthy man. We've given the affections of our heart and our worship to despicably unworthy suitors while the Love of Our Souls watched, broken, from the crowd.

But God....

But God buys us back. Not with the paltry sum of some silver and grain...but with the blood of His Son. He showed us mercy we didn't deserve and made us His people again.

Once by creation, once by redemption. We are twice His.

does this mean I really am a rock star?

2009-04-27T13:38:00.000-07:00

"As you come to him, the living Stone-rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to Him, you also, like living stones are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. For in Scripture it says: "See I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame." Now to you who believe, this stone is precious, But to those who do not believe, "the stone the builders rejected has become the capstone," and "A stone that causes men to stumble and a rock that makes them fall." They stumble because they disobey the message-which is what they were destined for."

I Peter 2:4-8

These verses herald a new section in our book where the "big idea" is to show Peter's friends (and, by extension, us) that those who put their faith in Christ become a new people of God. For a long time (like, the Old Testament era) the people of God were the Jews...wait...do we need to back up a bit?

A loooonnngg time ago, way back in the book of Genesis we meet a man named Abraham. About all we know about Abraham, prior to God stepping into his life, is that he was a wealthy descendant of Shem, Noah's son. (You DO remember that one, right? It rained and poured for 40 daysies daysies?) He was married to a gal named Sarah who was barren. They lived with their extended family is an up and coming metropolis in the near east called Ur.

One day God appears to Abraham and tells him to pack up and move. Where to, you wonder? Abraham probably did too. God doesn't tell him. He just says "Start moving and I'll keep you posted. BTW, I'm going to make you a great nation, descendants as numerous as stars and sand. Nevermind the fact that you and Sarah are card carrying members of the AARP and have no children. It's gonna happen."

The story takes some interesting twists and turns from there, but I'll shorthand it by saying that God does in fact give Abraham a son, named Isaac. Later on, Isaac has a couple kids himself, one of whom was named Jacob. God changed his name to...any guesses? Israel. If you've ever wondered why in the flannelgraph stories in Sunday school the Hebrew people were always referred to as "the children of Israel"...that's why. They were descendants of a guy named Israel. Jacob aka Israel has 12 sons, and a nation is slowly being formed. Few generations later...guy named Moses leads the descendants of Israel out of Egyptian slavery. God leads them to "the promised land" and sets up an orderly system for people. He gives them a highly extensive law, some geographical markers, leaders, a justice system and a priesthood. He is their King, and they are "His people." It took a while, but God was keeping his promises to Abraham, long dead. The story of the Israelites, or Hebrews, or as they eventually became known as, Jews, is the story of the Old Testament.

One part of God's promise to Abraham that was not fulfilled within the Old Testament, however, was the promise that "through you all the nations of the earth would be blessed." This was yet another Old Testament allusion to the Messiah that God would send to deliver his people from sin. We meet him in the first part of the New Testament.

Unfortunately, Jesus as Messiah didn't really fly for the Jews. They expected someone more important. So most did not recognize their Messiah even when He was among them. It's sad, in a way, but I think you'll see the silver lining in that it was part of God's plan to save bacon eating Gentiles like you and me. After Jesus died and was resurrected, he told his followers to go into "all the world" and tell people about Him. And, eventually, they did. It took some doing to convince them that "all the world" and "to all people" meant non-Jews, but they caught up eventually. And now, a couple thousand years later, Christianity has spread through most of the world and is one of the largest "religions" on earth.

One of Jeff's professors at Moody said "The whole point of it all...creation, Israel, the cross, the church...was that God wanted a family." The story of the Bible is the story of God gathering a people. Not just a few people, not even just a large nation like Israel (the Israelites never really got that concept, unfortunately) but a people of every nation and tribe and tongue. What was lost in the garden, God set about correcting by promising a Redeemer who would step into His own story, become an actual person with actual ethnicity and actual ancestors and buy back all that was broken. And from then on, the focus was on collecting a people through the cross back into God's family.

Peter's reminding this motley crew of misfits that they are a people. Not just any people, they are the people of God. It will be a recurring theme in the rest of the book. Peter says that as we come to Him we are being built into a spiritual house. Families live together in houses. We are little bricks being laid...to build a dwelling on the steady foundation of Jesus, our cornerstone. He quotes two different Old Testament books to show that this was God's plan all along.

And all of this is such a funny little thing because Peter's name (which was changed by Jesus from Simon to Peter) means "stone". Remember when Jesus told Peter that "on this rock" he would build His church? I like to think that Peter's been waiting for the opportunity to use this whole rock bit in one of his writings. Jesus is the cornerstone...sometimes also called the capstone. The first and most important stone laid when a structure is being built because all other stones will be set in reference to it. Peter is another important stone, he was the first post-resurrection preacher, used to see 5-10 thousand Jews become Christians. But we're stones too, in the same way that Peter's readers were stones. Living stones that God is using to make a temple...a temple made OF people and made FOR people to worship God with spiritual sacrifices.

And speaking of "spiritual"...the term isn't being used here like we tend to use it. As in, immaterial. After all, people are not immaterial. It's a word that means 'influenced or dominated by the Holy Spirit". Our sacrifices aren't limited to what we would typically classify as spiritual activities like praying or reading the Bible...though those are allowed too. Spiritual sacrifices are any acts done under the leadership of the Holy Spirit. So baking someone a lasagna, washing your car, sending someone some money can all fall under this category of spiritual sacrifices that we are supposed to be offering since we are a kingdom of priests.

The last idea that I see in this passage is the unpopularity that is destined to follow true followers of Christ...as it followed our Leader Himself.

And to be honest this idea has little barbs for me because one of my philosophies is "Be easy to get along with." That idea definitely has merit, but at the end of the day, Jesus is pretty determined...the phrase "My way or the high way" comes to mind. That's why so many people both in His day or ours stumbled over Him. Everyone loves to hear about Jesus loving the little red, brown, yellow, black and white children...the world likes that He was a revolutionary who stuck it to the man...the world likes that He's loving and forgiving. But then He'll say something like "No one comes to the Father except through me." and suddenly there's a line in the sand and He loses popularity.

I think at some point we will too, if we're really following Him fearlessly. Because sometimes following Him fearlessly means telling people they are wrong, that their belief system (if it doesn't rest on the cross) is stupid. That their "life style" is sinful. And if I'm being honest that chafes at me. I like being liked. I like people thinking I'm cool and fun. I even like having them see me as a "person of faith" because, let's face it, it's pretty en vogue right now to be a person of faith. A book I just finished had a quote that said "It's really cool (among musicians) to be searching for Jesus. It's not very cool to have found Him." That's a line I still have to figure out.

As for those last 7 words...well, that's another post altogether, and I haven't the time.

Mid-night Feedings and Doritos

2009-04-07T12:53:00.000-07:00

"Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good."

I Peter 2:1-3

It seems to me that verse one would have actually fit better in chapter 1, but who am I?

Again, the word therefore is telling us to look over our shoulder at the ground we've already covered on loving our spiritual siblings. To stretch ourselves out loving them,we have to get rid of some things. The idea in the original language is what you do with your dirty clothes.

Okay, maybe not what YOU do with your dirty clothes. Maybe I should say what Jeff does with his dirty clothes.

He's never been a clean worker. He can be part of a crew of 5 guys all doing the same thing and without fail he will come back the filthiest. He tries to tell me that means he's just working the hardest, but I think sometimes he's just sloppy. That all got taken to a whole new level now that he's working in pest control. The worst days are spray days, when he sprays sterilant fluid to kill and prevent weeds. At least, that's the aim...the weeds. Typically though he's soaked in it up to his knees. The stuff just reeks. And is flourescent green. When he comes home on those days he doesn't kiss me hello or pick up the baby or sit down to dinner, he immediately heads downstairs to peel off the noxious garments.

That's the picture Peter's painting. Except in Peter's day, when they didn't have the maytag downstairs with hot water, stain lifting and odor neutralizing detergent and a super wash cycle (though around here we just call it the Jeff cycle) these garments would have been permanently discarded. That's what you do when things are that nasty. You get rid of it.

Peter's letting them know that if they want to have the kind of self-sacrificing fervent love he described, they're going to have to purge malice, deceit, hypocrisy, envy and slander. Those things will kill brotherly love just as surely as the day-glo green sterilant spray kills weeds. They have to go.

One thing I love about the Bible is that almost every time there is a "put off" there is also a "put on" somewhere nearby. When we take things/habits out of our life, we are usually told what to put in their place. The "put on" here is spiritual milk...which is reference to taking in scripture.

Peter's using a metaphor of newborn babies and their quest for food to show us how we should have a quest for God's Word. So I thought for a while about how exactly it is that newborns desire milk and two main ideas came to the top rather quickly.

1. Intensely. They really really really want to eat. And when they want to eat, there is nothing else that will satisfy. Sure, you can maybe buy a few precious seconds with a pacifier or some bouncing...but when baby wants to eat, that is the only thing that they seem capable of thinking of. As opposed to the rest of the time when they are thinking deep thoughts about art and culture. Babies, especially the "newborn" type Peter's talking about here have really only one desire in life...to eat.

I wonder how much more victory and power and consistency I'd have in my life if I desired God's word with half the intensity that a newborn desires food.

2. Often. The nursing mother of a newborn gets very little else done but feeding that baby. Their tummies are so tiny they can't hold much...so about every twelve minutes or so it's time for a refill. It's really an inefficient system. Wouldn't it be nice to give them 16 ounces first thing in the morning and call it good for the day?

Infant food reserves are a lot like adult attention spans. Neither can hold much. Apparently, the best way to grow up into our salvation (which may be my new favorite phrase) is to have frequent feedings so that we are continually being centered...reminded of who we live for and what our purposes are.

I also like the phrase, "now that you have tasted that the Lord is good." Tasting is so...personal. We can see and hear from a distance, along with the crowd. It's pretty non-committal and arms-length. But tasting is up close and personal.

Sometimes I wonder if the reason for so much of the spiritual malnourishment we see isn't because people are experiencing God from a distance, second hand. We go to church and hear other people teach us what God is teaching them. We read books about what God is doing in other people's lives, sing songs of worship that other people wrote out of their hearts. Not that there's anything wrong with any of those...but if the only things of God we learn from other people, are we really tasting Him? Or is it the equivalent of someone licking all the powdered cheese off your Dorito before you get it? Sure, we get the nutritional benefit (or lack thereof) of having consumed a chip...but we missed fullness of flavor.

There came a point in my life that I had to stop reading books about the Bible and just read the Bible. I used to be the devotional/Christian inspiration genre queen. And I did learn somethings, but there was also a lack of depth and dimension. Worse yet was that I was somewhat dependant on having someone else explain things to me. You miss a lot doing it that way. Like speaking to someone using an interpreter. Sure, you get the gyst and can ask basic questions and get basic answers, but it's no comparison to one on one conversations between people who speak the same language.

If we believe God speaks to us most often through His word...we should learn to be fluent in it ourselves. Sure, use the interpreters when you need them, and until you re fluent, but fluency is the goal.

God tastes a lot better when there's no pastor or author licking all the cheese powder off. Give it a try.

Milestones

2009-04-02T13:41:00.000-07:00

My husband and I have 3 babies. And now we are raising a baby church.

There really are sooo many paralells. There's the gestating part:

excitement
joy
impatience
anticipation
fear
anxiety
mood swings
pain
barfing (okay, that was more metaphorical in the church process)

We went through all of this last year when God told us to start a church. Talk about a life change...at LEAST comparable to pregnancy.

Then comes the labor part:

pain
work
more pain
more work....then....
magic!

This part started back in October. It really was, in a literal sense...labor. Labor in prayer. Labor in relationships. Labor in faith. Labor in Labor.

But then you get a person. Or a church.

Our church started months ago, when some Spirit led believers committed themselves to banding together for the purpose of Knowing Jesus better and Serving Him. Confluence was born then. Though we'd never had a service, had no building to meet in, didn't have a worship team or a pulpit to preach from. We ARE the church...we don't go to church.

After the child is born, the countdown of milestones begins. First smile. First laugh. Teeth. Crawling. Walking. Talking...on and on. Growth.

Last week our little baby church smiled. We had our first public service...with real singing and real preaching and real guests...I was told the count was about 70.

See, here's the thing about newborns. We love them and all...but they're usually pretty ugly. Pointy heads...scrunched up faces. I mean, people say they're beautiful...but I think it's more "the gift of life is beautiful" than this red wrinkly bald monkey is beautiful. And then for like the first 6 weeks they pretty much just scream at you with that indicting tone that to me always seemed to say "Man you SUCK at this....can't you get my diaper changed any faster? WHY are you putting me into a tub of water? How hard is it really to get a meal around here?!!" I mean really, does anyone else feel so very accused by infants?

But then, they smile. And you know it was a real on purpose smile. And suddenly they're a little more human. And as the weeks keep rolling by they start to interact with you a little more...smiling and cooing and becoming a little less angry about the sloppy care you're giving them. Until at 18 months, like Silas was last night you can have a little exchange like this:

me: "Iiiiii..."
him: "mahhhh"
me: "loooovvveeee"
him: "boadddd"
me: "Yoooouuuuu!"
him: "Mooooo!"
both: HAHAHAHA (crazy wild laughter)

We have loved our baby church fiercely from the beginning. But it was soul-warming to see this little milestone. We know there are months more of the screaming and sleepless nights, followed by teething, the first big ear infection, the second big ear infection, the first sloppy attempt at solids, and a Mack Truck full of dirty diapers to change (sweet Jesus I hope that's all metaphorical) in the coming months and years. But all of it, the joys and frustration and tears and laughter are all part of watching God grow this little organism into something that is strong and healthy and capable.

Wrapping up Chapter 1

2009-03-31T09:35:00.000-07:00

"By obedience to the truth, having purified yourselves for sincere love of the brothers, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again-not of perishable seed but of imperishable-through the living and enduring word of God. For "all flesh is like grass, and all its glory like a flower of the grass. The grass withers, and the flower drops off, but the word of the Lord endures forever." And this is the word that was preached as the gospel to you." I Peter 1:22-25

Prepositions seem to be sneaky things when crossing language barriers. It's a little more clear to say "Your obedience to the truth has purified you, so that you are capable of sincere love of the brothers..." and then a command that seems a bit redundant...love one another earnestly. At first I thought maybe this Peter was the first guy to be called "Repeat Pete"...because it seems like he's saying "since you love each other, love each other."

And herein lies the beauty of taking the time to study a book verse by verse. I've probably read this passage a dozen times or more through the years, and not only did I not take the time to figure out what was really being said, I didn't even really take the time to realize that something was seemingly being said that didn't make sense. I would've just blown right by getting to something that was a little clearer. And I would have missed something cool.

The key is in the two words that qualify the word love. The translation I quoted used "sincere love" and then later "love one another earnestly". Other translations use "unfeigned" and then "fervent". And here's why that's important.

First, Peter simply recognizes that they already have unfeigned love for their brothers and sisters. It's not a command, or even a commendation, it's more just an acknowledgement. He says that because they obeyed the gospel they could now (and were now) love one another in an unfeigned fashion. Oh and don't you worry because I have the definition of that Greek word right here in my pocket for you...it means undisguised, sincere, without hypocrisy. Sounds good, right? Sounds like the type of love we should be having toward one another, right? Love without duplicity, agendas or self-serving motives.

This may be a stretch but it seems like there is an allusion being given here that it is something of a prerequisite that one be a believer before they have the capacity to love in this way. I wonder if, in Peter's prepostional statement he's revealing something about unfeigned love and how it can only be shown by those who have purified themselves by obeying the truth.

At any rate, that's the acknowledged love...unfeigned. Now on to the directive...to show fervent love. The word translated "fervent" or "earnest" is the Greek ektenos and this word study blew my mind. First off, it's the only time this particular word is used in the entire New Testament...which gets your attention right away because it means that the Holy Spirit was choosing a particular word that would stand out.

Are you ready for definition number 2? Ektenos means "intensely, fervently, earnestly." It's actually taken from a verb that means "to stretch out the hand"...so it literally means to be stretched out.

Tell me that doesn't blow your mind.

Here's what he's saying "Okay fellas, thanks to the gospel you're able to love each other honestly, without the hypocrisy that the world loves with. But what I want is for you to love each other intensely. Stretch yourselves out loving each other."

In the world the word love is thrown around easily but is often just a means to a self-serving end. Not that they're somehow choosing this type of love...but they're broken inside and are so needy themselves that even with the purest of intentions their love is tainted. As in, I need relationships to fill my need of companionship or I'll feel lonely. I seek affirmation that I'm attractive, wanted, funny, smart, likable, important...and if you love me then you give me that. For a pure, obedient Christian, those needs are met in Christ. That frees us, makes it possible to simply love without an agenda. To love for the one being loved, not because it serves my purposes or meets some need I have. (Note the word possible there...this is the theory. Unfortunately we don't plug in to this conduit nearly often enough and still go around to human relationships with our sad little cups hoping to be filled.)

To be able to love someone, apart from what they can do for me...is a gift that Jesus gives. But simply loving sincerely isn't the goal.

The goal is to love fervently. To stretch ourselves out for others. To give and sacrifice die to self for the benefit of the one loved. That's what Peter is calling his readers to.

The object of the love is interesting too...it's to be directed at "the brothers". There's a lot of familial language in the Bible, particularly the New Testament. We are the children of God. He is our Father, making all of God's children siblings. They were to have this fervent love for other Christians.

And here's your fair warning that a soap box is coming...

Two actually.

There's a book called "I'm Fine With God, It's Christians I Can't Stand" and beyond the title I know nothing about it. It may be a fantastic book with great truth. But the title, and it's conotations, I find moronic and anti-Biblical. There seems to be this trendy idea (among Christians, that is, I expect the world to be clueless) that God is super cool and Christians are super lame and you can love God and proceed to dismiss, mock or distance yourself from other Christians because you're so much smarter or more sophisticated than the rest of us. I've heard Christians lament how they so much prefer the company of non-Christians to Christians, and even though I can understand to a point, I don't think that's okay. If you love God, you love what God loves...and God loves His church. Jesus died for His church, and is building His church, interceding for His church and will return for His church.

Are we a sorry and dissentious lot? Absolutely. We love to fight and be right and feel superior to one another. That's not okay either. But checking out and mocking from a distance is not part of the solution, and I believe you're violating about a jillion instructions in Scripture. We're supposed to be loving each other.

Second, we're supposed to be loving each other. This is gonna sound like I'm just being ornery, but honest I'm not. At least I don't think I am. I totally believe in being involved in the community and building relationships with unbelievers and looking for opportunities to bless and serve them. I think it's one of the things the church is supposed to be about. But, I do find it interesting how often the Bible tells us to love Christians...as opposed to loving non-Christians. Jesus said the world would know we were different when they see us loving each other. I haven't done the study but I'd be willing to bet that nearly every book of the New Testament makes mention of this admonition to love believers. We're supposed to do good to all people, but ESPECIALLY to God's children...those are God's words, not mine. Maybe we would serve our unbelieving family, friends and communities best by showing this consistent, sacrificial, crazy, stretching-out kind of love to one another. This is an idea I've been percolating on for a couple months, and I'm open to being stretched by Scripture on this idea. Obviously we're supposed to love everybody, but it seems to me so far that we're supposed to make showing active, on purpose love to one another a priority. And honestly, from a human perspective, it doesn't make much sense to me. If we're supposed to be acting as God's ambassadors, reconciling the world to Jesus, it seems like we should put our focus, time an energy into loving and serving unbelievers...but unless I'm missing some stuff (which could be) I'm just not seeing nearly as much about loving them as I am seeing about loving each other.

Okay, soap box over. Back to Peter.

So, we're supposed to love Christians fervently, because we're Christians. We've been born again into God's family which makes anyone else born into that family OUR family. Like it or not, my children HAVE to love each other, because they're all my children. God's family is like that, except even more because God's family is forever. Permanent.

Not like us. We're like grass. We spring up and grow for a while...and we may even get to bloom a little. Everything great that humans can achieve is like a flower that, no matter how beautiful or fragrant, will only bloom for a season. Peter's reminding them (and us) to live for what is forever. God's Word, God's family, God's glory.

If I were to pick a word to summarize chapter 1, it would be perspective. Got trials? Get perspective. When life is hard, it's comforting to remember that it's short. When we face trials and rejection, we need to be reminded that we were chosen by God and redeemed by the precious blood of Christ. When the weight of the world brings us down, we do well to recall that
we need to pursue holiness, and to practive fervent love toward our brothers and sisters. And at the end of the day...there's an end to the day. All the trials and pain and even the glory is temporal. "Only one life, t'will soon be past. Only what's done for Christ will last."

Back to Peter

2009-03-24T14:57:00.001-07:00

I Peter 1:17-21 "And if you call on him as Father who judges impartially according to each one's deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile, knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot. He was foreknown before the foundation of the world but was made manifest in the last times for the sake of you who through him are believers in God, who raised him from the dead and gave him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God."

So it's been a while and a brief review is probably in order. Peter is writing to his friends who have been driven from their homeland and are facing some pretty hard knocks because they are living as Christians in a pagan world. Peter is writing to encourage them, to remind them that they were chosen by God and that even the trials they were facing were chosen by God to perfect their faith and bring praise to God. He parks on the wondrous gift of grace they have received in their salvation, and he reminds them that they should be holy because they serve a holy God.

Okay, we're up to speed. Let's jump in. That first "if" isn't so much an "if" as it is a "since". Peter wasn't questioning if they would call on God, but was pointing out that they would. He's introducing his next thought by saying, basically, "since you call God your Father..."

One thing I've always liked about the Bible on a literary level is how it will use two or more words that don't really go together to describe something or someone. God is described as long-suffering and yet uses the word wrath a lot. Hmmm. Jesus is full of grace and truth. I think God knew that as humans we tend to park on one idea to the exclusion of all other ideas. So here in this intro statement Peter's giving two titles to God that don't really seem to have much in common. Father and Judge.

It seems to me that people tend to get into trouble when we cling to tightly to one of those titles and forget about the other. Those who are apt to see God more in his "Judge" hat tend to drift toward performance-based sanctification. God will judge so I better get my act together. God will judge so I better stop doing A, B and C and start doing X, Y and Z. They see life as the Olympics and themselves as the little Romanian kid on the balance beam...hoping that they've practiced enough and trying to make sure their toes are pointed. Their goal is to impress the judge, or at the very least not anger the judge.

The problems with this view of God are legion and I know because I spent a fair amount of time on the beam, metaphorically speaking. You focus on what God expects and you try really hard to give Him what He wants...knowing that you really aren't going to be able to. Then when (not if) you blow it, you face the ever-looming displeasure of the Judge. Not a great way to live.

At the other end of the spectrum are those who cling to the picture of God as Father. These people tend to be a lot happier, in my experience. Undoubtedly because they aren't performing. It's a lot more relaxing to watch the Olympics than to compete. But sometimes God becomes their benevolent benefactor rather than someone to whom they will give an account for the way they live. After all, my dad has to love me whether I play video games all day or wash the car for him, right?

Bottom line: No matter how seemingly incongruent it would be for a father to judge or a judge to father...God says both are true of Himself. He who is our patient, unconditionally-loving papa (Romans 8) is also our great and terrible judge. I know I need to learn to hold to both truths, one in each hand. If I forget God is my judge I may forget to walk in holiness, making the most of every opportunity, making it my aim to please Him....if I forget that God is my father I'll lose the joy of being perfectly accepted and loved apart from my performance, I'll serve from compulsion rather than love and gratitude, and I'll become legalistic.

So, Peter is asking his readers to keep both thoughts in mind as they arrange their lives. He tells them to pass the time of their sojourning with fear. Again, one simple little word that carries so many shades and variations. What does it mean to fear God? I wish I had a great answer. Instead what I have are answers that I've been given that don't satisfy me. Seems that whenever this idea of fearing God has come up someone has been quick to disclaim...as in "Now, it's not that God wants us to be afraid of Him...."

Really? I'm not so sure. Again, we falter when we put our relationship with God into the context of human relationships. And that would be true of human relationships...we don't naturally bond closely with those we are afraid of. We wouldn't have deep affection for them. We value people 'being safe' for us. I know as a parent it would give me great pain to know that my children feared me. But God is not human. So it's not possible or helpful to draw too many parallels between human relationships and our relationship with God.

What if we are supposed to fear God? We're certainly told so many times. Hoping for some clarification I looked up the Greek and Hebrew words for fear, hoping they would say something like "to respect" since respect I is so much friendlier a concept. And that's how my well-meaning Sunday School theologians explained it all to me. Unfortunately that's not what I found. What I found was even a little more intimidating than fear..."dread. terror."

Thing is...there's a big part of me that really chafes at this idea. When I think of the people I have feared...it's been because of some defect in them. They had a bad temper. They were unstable. They were violent, unkind, malicious. I know that none of those things exist in my God, so why should I fear Him? The one who knit me together, the one who loves me and cares for me and is so patient with me, the one who faced Hell so I wouldn't have to. The one who has only every been good and loving to me?

Again, don't have any good answers. My puny brain can't conceive of a being so completely...other...that He is big enough to be perfectly good and perfectly terrifying at the same time. But the longer I spend in His word...without someone there to explain it all to me...the more I see the possibility.

One commentary I read said the difference between fearing God and fearing, say, a serial killer is that fearing God is "reverential...not slavish." Maybe the real key is not in who we do and don't fear...but our perspective of what fear itself is. What if we learn fear so early in life from our nightmares and thunderstorms that we grow up to project that wonky definition onto God, and maybe that's why it feels so wrong? Maybe. My guess is that if we had clear perspective, we'd see fearing God to be the most wholesome and appropriate response to His holiness and greatness. Maybe if we learned to properly fear God we would cease fearing anything or anyone else.

Peter wants his friends to fear God more than they fear the future, the persecution they face, and the other things of life on an alien plant. Because that's where they are. Not at home. This is a wonderful paradox...that we who have never been anywhere else can be tourists on this earth. We are a people caught between two worlds...the one we were born into and must live in for a season...and the one we were created for, but have never been to.

I wonder how my life would be different if I really grasped that idea. This isn't home. You live differently when you know it's all temporary and transient. Priorities change.

This place has kidnapped us with our consent. But Jesus paid the impossible ransom with his blood. This idea is one we grow up with and are so comfortable with that it can sometimes lose significance (though maybe not if we study Peter much...he seemed rather obsessed with the whole idea)...so I love what Matthew Henry said here, "The redemption of man was real, not metaphorical." The nails were real, the flesh really tore, Jesus was utterly and completely dead. That is the price we were bought with.

We briefly discussed pre-destination way back in the beginning of this study, and now Peter adds an interesting new wrinkle into the discussion. Not only are we believers foreknown...the cross was foreknown. Even though most people say God is all-knowing we get goofy theology sometimes when we think human choice has more impact than it actually does...like that God creates these tests to see how humans will respond, then somehow creates a contingency plan based on what the human decides. No. Praise be to God, the course of human history is not dependent on human beings making right choices. God created Adam and placed him in a perfect place knowing it would never last. Knowing he would blow it, knowing that before long our world would be broken and require redemption. He knew what evil, hatred, cruelty and violence humanity would perpetrate to one another. He saw the faces of starving children, the horrors of war, genocide and disease. He knew how even the beautiful earth he created would be warped and moan under the weight of decay. Knew the pain of Gethsemane and the horror of Gologotha. He knew. From before the beginning He knew how sin would decimate His creation, He knew that only a lamb without spot or blemish could redeem it all. And He still made us.

We're all threads. Threads woven together to make a square of fabric on the quilt God's been making for thousands of years. The quilt of his grace.

He's got it all figured out...it's as good as done right now. In spite of difficulty and persecution, if we only call these truths to mind we'll be able to endure and pass the time of our sojourning with fear...because our "faith and hope are in God."

2009-03-19T14:04:00.000-07:00

I've been away from blogland for a while. I've really been into my study of I Peter (though judging from my comment count I'm probably in the minority there) but the thing about processing all that I'm learning on my blog is that I can't just sit down for 10 minutes and produce something. At least not something worth reading. So I decided to take a little break to talk about other things. Liiiiiikkkke:

Seattle. Last week at this time I was sitting in the Ballard Campus of Mars Hill Church...listening to a workshop on missional community groups...probably eating Fig Newtons...and wishing I'd brought warmer clothes since Seattle decided to set record cold temps that particular week. The Acts 29 Church Planter's Bootcamp was a wonderful reason to get out of town with Jeff and do things we hadn't done in a while, like finish a sentence, sleep past 6, and eat an entire meal start to finish without tending to the need of a child. Seriously, forget spas. I'm all about the pastor's conference for a vacation. This was the first one we'd ever attended together...and I was loving life. For nearly 4 days I didn't cook a meal or wash a dish. I got to sit. SIT! And listen and learn, which I love to do. These wonderful people set out copious amounts of snacks and beverages at every break. And the best part? I got to walk jauntily past the line of 350 men for the bathroom and skip right into the ladies room which was totally vacant. I was one of like, 30 women there. Jeff didn't find this irony nearly as entertaining as I did. Particularly by day three. Oh yeah, the conference was good too.

Everyone keeps asking me if I met Mark Driscoll, and unfortunately I did not. However, at one point he addressed the room of church planters who were being assessed and told us that he was excited we were there. And we were in the front row, a mere 3 feet away. So I think he was mostly talking to us. I don't get the impression that he's a make-the-rounds-meeting everyone person. In fact the only time we actually saw him was when he was on stage. I'm pretty sure he went home between gigs, which is the perk of hosting the boot camp in your city I guess. But his sermons were fantastic.

I also got to hear someone else to add to my podcast list...Matt Chandler from Dallas. I wish we'd heard about him before we went to pick up Silas, we could have gone to his church, Village Church, while we were down there. He was really great to listen to and learn from.

The point of this conference though was mostly our assessment. Acts 29 is a church planting network that we were interested in joining so that we could have the benefit of accountability, shared resources, comraderie and everything else that comes with being part of a group instead of just on your own. We quickly learned that not just anyone with aspirations of planting a church is accepted with Acts 29. We've spent large chunks of the last four months completing the many many steps of their application process. We've written what felt like volumes on our theological positions, approach to scripture, personal and family background and any other thing they wanted to ask about. We took gargantuan online personality tests. We submitted preaching samples. We had phone interviews. We wrote in detail about the culture of our valley and challenges to the gospel. We created action plans of how we would go about meeting those challenges. All the while logging on to the applicant's site and cheering when we could check a task off the list.

The culminating event of the application status (assuming one survives the rest) is ominously referred to as "assessment". (dun dun duuuuunnnnnn). They put the prospective planters in a room with 4-5 A29 representatives for 2 hours of grilling I mean getting to know-you time. This panel all held files with all of our information from the last 4 months, and sheets that they made frequent notes on. They ask you basically anything they want on any topic they want from theology to your marriage to your finances to what your biggest sin struggle is.

When your time is up you leave, not knowing what they thought of you or how you did. "We'll be in touch." they say mysteriously.

Honestly it wasn't as bad as we'd been led to believe. Our assessors were kind and gracious and seeking nothing more than to be of help to us. And the nose-ring-wearing hipster from Australia said I was "very shop" (sharp) so that helped.

And the good news is we just heard yesterday that we have been approved for membership with Acts 29. They sent us a really nice report from the whole process letting us know what our scores meant, and saying lots of affirming things like that (according to the online personality profiling) Jeff's personality was "very well suited to plant a medium to large church" and that he "exudes the culture of your community" and that he was "perfectly suited to plant a church there." I mean, at the end of the day we're doing this because God called us to, whether anyone else thinks we can or not. But it is nice to hear someone who is objective and who KNOWS church planting and church planters say that they think you'll do great. I'm so glad Jeff got to hear that from these guys. (I've been telling him all along, and even though I'm apparently very "shop" I think he thinks I'm biased.) They also gave us some things to read through and work on to better help us prepare, which was great.

So our next step with them is called the "covenant phase" and I don't really know what it means because we've only been focused on the "applicant phase". We'll see.

What else. Well, my mom was here. She decided last minute to come out and watch the kids while we were in Seattle, which was great. The kids had a great time and there was less upset to the routine than there would have been if they'd had to stay somewhere else. She stayed for about a week after the conference and we had fun.

We are a week and change away from our first real-honest-to-goodness-public-may-show-up service for Confluence! We've had two practice services where we tried to work the bugs out of children's ministry, sound, etc. This Sunday we're having prayer bonfires (off campus of course, in case our insurance guy reads this) and committing the whole thing (again) to Jesus, and then, 7 days later it's sink or swim time. We're super excited and super freaked out and super overwhelmed all at once.

So, yeah. That's what we've been up to. I think Silas grew 2 inches while we were gone, and learned a couple new words. One of my favorite things to hear each day is the way he says "hiiiiiiii" with a slightly nasal tone that drops after the third or fourth "i", almost like he's got a southern accent, with a cheesy smile. My mom is convinced he's a musical prodigy because he can hum (on nearly perfect pitch) the ABC's. Big kids are doing great too...but when they say "hi" it only has one syllable so it isn't as cute.

Alrighty, now you're all caught up.

Random Mutterings from Peter

2009-02-23T16:00:00.000-08:00

"Therefore, get your minds ready for action, being self-disciplined, and set your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be confomed to the desires of your former ignorance but, as the One who called you is holy, you also are to be holy in all your conduct; for it is written, "Be holy because I am holy." (I Peter 1:13-16)

And in my head is the voice of the dear man who was my pastor for years, "And what is the therefore there for?" Rather than being a separate thought, these words tie in the thoughts that preceeded them. In other words, BECAUSE you have received this amazing salvation, in LIGHT of the fact that the prophets labored to understand the gift you've been given, and REMEMBERING that the angels themselves long to look into it...listen up because there's a call to action. Peter's saying because of all that, now do this. And that, Pastor G., is what the therefore is there for. Moving on.

I have a love hate relationship with the King James translation. (Love:)It's what I grew up with, which means that it's the version in which I've memorized about 90% of the verses in my brain. Granted, I probably didn't understand much of them (hate), but I memorized them. So this version is in my head(love)...but it's not a version I ever read if I can help it (hate). If you want to make the veins in my forehead stand out you could suggest that it is the only "inspired" version of the Bible (hate). But there is a beauty and melody in saying "there is therefore now no condemnation..." that I sometimes miss (love). What I don't miss, now that I'm not a baptist, is people praying in King James...as in "We ask and doth beseech thee heavenly Father to bestow to us Thine blessing..." (hate). See? Conflict all over the place.

I adore my NIV and my ESV and my NASV. On occasion I even moonlight with a NLT or The Message....though not very often on that last one. But for some thoughts, only the KJV will do. Verse one has one such phrase..."Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind..." Doesn't that sound exciting? Personally I don't think we use the word loins enough. You start talking about loins and people start listening. Think of the connotations...loin cloth...hard to ignore, isn't it? How about pork loin? See? Still engaged. So when the instruction given is to gird up the loins...you know you're being asked to do something important.

Obviously Peter's calling to their minds a picture that would be very familiar to his readers...but nowadays doesn't really apply. You know, like someday when we tell our grandkids to "rewind the movie"...they'll be completely lost. But the picture is that of getting ready to get to work. It those days of tunics and togas, one had to be ready to "tuck in" if they wanted to be able to move quickly or get a job done without tripping. So, in preparation for activity, one would make the appropriate wardrobe adjustments and secure the extra fabric into one's belt so as to move about unincumbered. Having gone to a college that required females to be in dresses much of the day, I can totally relate to the unwieldy attempts to move about without pants.

Sometimes when I notice a lack of productivity in my life...it's simply because I didn't prepare myself for productivity. Like the old adage, few people plan to fail, they just fail to plan. Perhaps worse than accomplishing little due to poor planning is when I've messed something up because of poor planning. I'm a person taken to notions, and sometimes I'll get a notion to do something and tear right into it without really stopping to plan out the rest of the situation. I'll get a notion to clean out a closet thirty minutes before small group meets at our house. I start working, only to realize I've not planned my time well, then have to stop before I'm finished, leaving a bigger mess than if I'd never tackled it to begin with. Peter is pointing out that before we get to work, we need to get ready to get to work. To prepare our minds...to gird up our loins....so that we can do a good job. And to do so with self discipline.

And what is it, exactly that we're getting ready to do? Well, first off, we're supposed to set our hope on grace. Isn't that a fabulous thought? For 21st Century English speakers hope is a rather passive word. I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow. I hope the baby doesn't have an ear infection. I hope there's cake for dessert. Almost like, if I could have my way, this is one nice scenario I'd like to see come about. But it's little more than a passing wish. Not so in New Testament Greek. The idea is more one of trust. A good definition for this word in Greek is "hopefully to trust in." One could not correctly use the Bible's word for hope the way we use it. It gives the picture of an event you are happily anticipating because it is on the schedule. And it is an active word, not a passive one. We are supposed to SET (another strong verb) our hope on grace. The Geneva Study Bible said it this way, "We should not be wearied in looking for so excellent a thing, which the very angels wait for with great desire."

When Jesus comes...our salvation which we have in seed form now, will bloom. In light of trials and afflictions, when there is little to happily anticipate, we get that to look forward to. But, Peter's reminding us that we have to choose to happily anticipate it...not in order to make it happen, but in order to make us different because it's happening. Jesus will return. If we've been reconciled to God through His blood, this salvation will be fully realized. But if we choose to not make that our hope, to not make that reality something that touches our everyday life and pains...we are no better off in trials than the unbeliever. So we're supposed to actively set our hope on the grace which will be revealed.

The next thing we're being called to do by Peter is to act like what we are...children of obedience. (Another translation point...I realize the passage I quoted above says 'obedient children, but that seems to be a less accurate rendering.) Again, this thought isn't readily understood in English. When we speak of children, a son or a daughter, we mean it fairly exclusively. For someone to be my child in the natural sense, they must have come from my body...share DNA. Thankfully, one can also be made a child of mine by means of adoption, which is a binding legal arrangement. Either way...I am the parent, that's what makes them my child. When we read that meaning into scripture we naturally get confused when we read that people can be children of light, children of darkness, children of God, children of the Devil. It can even make it hard to understand how Jesus is the Son of God. But in the original languages of Scripture, 'son of' or 'child of' doesn't only apply to the parent/child relationship. It's kind of tricky, but it can be loosely translated "the same as in essence". So Jesus being the son of God doesn't mean the same as Alex being the son of Jeff. It means that Jesus is in essence the same as God. I told you it's hard to understand. And when the Pharisees were acting like idiots and claiming to be sons of Abraham (biologically) Jesus told them they were actually much more like their "father" the devil in terms of what was in their hearts, what their lives were demonstrating. So, basically Peter is reminding them that as followers of Christ, they are supposed to be characterized by obedience. Their "essence" is to be obedient.

Out of obedience, we're supposed to be different. Different than we used to be before we knew Christ. When we lived as prisoners of our desires. This is a liberating idea that I am still very much in the infantile phase of learning...I do not have to live according to my desires. I can choose to deny greed and selfishness and anger. Not saying that I always DO deny those things, but because I'm in Christ they no longer have the control over me that they may over someone who is not a Christian.

Not only are we supposed to be different than we used to be...we're supposed to be different from the world. Peter quotes a phrase that is repeated several times in the Old Testament...where God tells His people to be holy because He is holy. He doesn't say "Be holy because it's the best way to live" (even though I believe that to be true.) or "Be holy because I'll be mad if you don't" (even though there are certainly times when God is rightly wrathful at the sin of man). He says this, first to the Israelites, because they belonged to Him. When God called Abraham and later Jacob, He was forming a people for Himself. Not that he didn't love the rest of humanity, but for reasons known to Him he chose to be known in a unique way to the nation of Israel. He would "be their God and they would be his people". He would be a Father to them. And,as we've already talked about, one requirement for that sort of relationship was that they be like He was.

In Theology Proper we spent a lot of time learning about the attributes of God. We learned that God is just and God is love and God is immutable and that God is perfectly each of these things and many more. Not like us, who even in our best traits have limited amounts. You may be more patient than me (and you likely are) but you still don't have perfect patience. God is fully, perfectly each of His attributes. And yet, we were taught that the primary attribute of God is holiness. Not that He's somehow "more" holy than He is loving. But that for whatever reason, when God encountered humanity in the various times and circumstances recorded in Scripture, the one thing that He seemed to want them to "get" more than anything about Himself, was His holiness. While this is a principle drawn out of, as opposed to stated plainly in scripture, it makes sense to me and I believe it to be true. On several occasions God says "You should be holy because I am holy." Not "you should be loving because I am loving" though that is certainly true. Not "you should be just because I am just" though again, true. It seems to be very important to God that we A. get how holy He is, and that B. we try to emulate that as best we can. If you've ever seen a little boy immitate his daddy's walk and voice and mannerisms you get the idea. We should be imitator's of God...copy-catting His holiness. Will we ever be completely sucessful while we are dirt walkers? No. But we sure can try to be like our Father in all our conduct. Because what the world sees in us they will project onto that Father. Let's show them the holiest picture we possibly can.

There's a big push right now for believers to look more like their neighbors. And I get it, I think it's mostly aiming for missional living...being missionaries to our culture. All of which I believe is a good and Godly thing to do. But when it comes to who we imitate...I think we need to be careful that we don't look so much like the world that the world forgets how holy our God is. How completely separate He is from all that is tainted and coarse...how completely OTHER He is. Some hipster authors and pastors give the idea that if Jesus were on earth today he'd be all about mainstream culture. He'd have a soul patch and drink at Starbucks and hang out at Happy Hour. Maybe He would. But I also really believe Jesus would stick out like a sore thumb everywhere He went because of His holiness. Because that's what holiness means.

I think Peter's saying...listen guys, because it's time to stop talking spiritual principle and start talking day to day life. This salvation you have...it's a big deal. Choose to treat it like one. Choose to actively put your hope THERE. Those hard times you're facing...I know. It's rough...you have my prayers and sympathy. But this is not all there is. There is a glorious tomorrow waiting because of Christ. So...because this isn't all there is...we need to act like there's more. We need to be characterized by obedience. We need to have self-control. We need to be holy in absolutely everything we do, say and think because the God we serve is holy.

This Week from Peter

2009-02-09T14:17:00.000-08:00

"Concerning this salvation, the prophets, who spoke of the grace that was to come to you, searched intently and with the greatest care, trying to find out the time and circumstances to which the Spirit of Christ in them was pointing when he predicted the sufferings of Christ and the glories that would follow. It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves but you, when they spoke of the things that have no been told you by those who have preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. Even angels long to look into these things." I Peter 1:10-12

About the Prophets:

This passage sheds light on something I'd wondered about...that being how much the human authors of the Bible understood of their subject matter...particularly those who wrote prophecy. When Isaiah wrote that God "the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all"...did he understand the significance? And if he did, would the messages about the long awaited and anticipated Messiah have been hidden in the midst of judgments on pagan nations and pleas for Israel to return to Jehovah? There is mystery about the way the Spirit "carried along" the human authors of scripture.

We may not know just how much the Old Testament writers knew and understood, but we know a few things from Peter about what they didn't know...the timing. They may have had an idea about what the Messiah's coming would look like (or maybe not) but they had no idea when that time would be.

God likes to keep His secrets on timing, doesn't He? I sometimes feel like 1/5 of the Bible could be boiled down to various people asking God "When will these things be?" and Him either not answering or answering cryptically. It can be really frustrating. It's no wonder humans have turned to astrology and fortune tellers and reading tea leaves. We want some inside information. We feel like if only we knew more details our worries would be over. I have experienced this a hundred times, but most pointedly when we were waiting for our adoption. I would say things like "If only I had some idea how long it would take...even if I knew it was going to be a year...then I could move on with life and not think about it all the time. The imminency is the worst part." Unfortunately as often happens God disagreed with my reasoning and opted to not let me know how long the wait would be. It was dreadful. And wonderful. Because the not knowing kept me close to God's elbow...watching every move He made, wondering if this was the time. The thing about "moving on with life and not thinking about it" is that it usually moves us away from God. We're so darn distractable it doesn't take much.

I thought it was interesting to learn that the words translated "searched intently" were the same words used in the gospels to describe what happened on resurrection morning when Jesus' followers saw the empty tomb. They looked into the tomb...searching for Jesus body. It wasn't a quick scan, they wanted to be sure they didn't miss something, some clue as to what had happened.

Alas, though the prophets searched intently with the greatest care, they were given not a neatly put together timeline of future events. (By the way, to the folks who make those neatly put together timelines of future events like rapture, tribulation, millenium, etc...puhleaze. Are you that much more clever than the men the Holy Spirit used to pen scripture? If they didn't know how it was all going to work...it seems somewhat arrogant to assume we can. I used to be mildly interested in timelining future events, but lost interest once the kid from Growing Pains got involved.) They were given revelation of a different sort than that which they sought. It was revealed to them that it wasn't about them.

Sounds like a good book introduction doesn't it? We like to think it is about us, at least to a point. We view ourselves as the main character in the movie being made about our life. So we want happy endings and closure and for no plot lines to go ungathered by the time the credits roll. But sometimes it's not about us.

Think of these poor prophets for a minute. I don't get the impression that many of them went looking to be a prophet. Some were farmers...just out doing their thing. And bam...God chose them for a job to do and pretty much totally took over their lives. It wasn't always pretty. They faced the hatred of their countrymen, the abuse and persecution of their king, not to mention all the crazy stuff God Himself asked them to do (like marry prostitutes or roast dung). And sure, I guess for all their trouble they do at least get the distinction of being used to record God's message to man. A little "inside information"...and everyone likes to feel like we're important and in the loop and all that. But it would seem from Peter that when they start getting really curious about the details and circumstances and timing...that the Spirit promptly tells them not to worry about it. These guys got their lives turned upside down because God had a job for them to do, and they aren't even allowed to know the details. In all likelihood they died just as confused about what would happen as were their neighbors who never experienced being the mouthpiece of God.

They were a piece of the puzzle. A part of the treasure map that would one day lead slobs like you and me to understanding a bit more about grace. They didn't get things all wrapped up in a neat package. There were loose ends everywhere. And my guess is that they were okay with it...because they accepted who they were and who God is.

Jeff once preached on this idea...and had a brilliant illustration. Sometimes at pro sporting events they hand out cards to people in a given section of the stadium, and say "When we tell you to hold up your card, hold it up." And for the folks watching at home, up pops a message or a picture created by all the individual cards being held up at the right time. Outside the stadium, it makes sense. But for the card holder, all they got to see was what was on their card...just a fragment of the big picture. It probably didn't make sense. His point was...don't spend your whole life trying to figure out what's on your card...it likely won't make sense to you anyway. Just hold it up and trust that it's part of something big. Something cool. Way cooler than your individual card. That's kind of what the prophets were doing...each holding up their part of God's message. Each probably ignorant of the other parts...each wondering how it all fit together.

And in this case, the big picture was for us. We're the ones sitting in our living rooms enjoying the big picture. That's cool. But sometimes we're the ones holding cards...for future generations who will see the big picture. We're starting a church right now and it's hard and scary and exciting and wonderful and we're more tired than we've ever been. And who knows what God will do with it...but we can't put our focus on our little part. We have to just hold up the card God gave us. Maybe what we're doing right now isn't so much about us as it is about us serving future generations.

About the Angels:

Not only were the prophets of old curious about this mysterious plan of God's...to take on flesh and die for sin and rise again to conquer death...apparently the angels are wondering as well.

This just blows my mind because if what I understand from Scripture about angels is at all accurate...these are some impressive beings. Far from the Renaissance-esque chubby baby angels...the Bible gives a picture more akin to superhuman warriors. While not omniscient, like God is, I've always assumed their mental capabilities to far outweigh our own for two basic reasons...(both are more speculative than scriptural in nature) one, their minds were not darkened because of sin...like ours were. And two, they have the benefit of a few millenia of experience to draw from. I'm impressed by all that I've learned in the past 10 years...imagine if I had 10000 to learn? And yet, this whole God becoming man to redeem sinful men thing seems to be a bit of a puzzle to them.

And why not? It's really ridiculous, when you think about it. To have spent time in the very presence of God...they must find humans terribly passe. Competely disappointing. To think that somehow this earth-bound rabble could possibly be worth the price that was paid...well, it's no wonder they find it odd. My older son has a very tender heart toward animals...to the point that he has honest to goodness pangs of guilt sometimes over eating meat. We've had the conversation about 15 times about the whole thing and I think on some level it makes sense to him...but somewhere in his 9 year old heart it still doesn't sit too well that some sweet cow had to die just so we could have burgers instead of beans. Sometimes we get frustrated with it...and we've been known to make comments like "They're just animals! They are not the same as humans...they don't get the same treatment! Why on earth do you care so much about the fate of livestock?" I wonder if that's how angel brains tend to think. If my son were to suggest to me that somehow my life, or his life would be well spent to save the world's population of ants...I'd be dumbstruck. I wonder...when Gabriel was sent to the tiny dot on Nazareth on the tiny ball of earth to deliver a message...if it seemed as unfathomable to him? If it seemed as, dare I say it, wasteful to him? That God the Son from eternity past would leave the glory of heaven, the worship of angels, the perfect union of the Trinity, to become...one of THEM? To ransom THEM? How could it possibly be worth it?

But being in nature far too wise and humble to question their Creator...I doubt they demanded answers and explanations. Still, this passage makes it clear, they do stand back and quietly wonder. Quietly long to understand. Maybe that's why they are so interested in our worship (I Cor. 11) services...because they are trying to figure out how the often half hearted worship of often half hearted mortals could possibly justify the unthinkable price that their Master paid.

It causes me to look on the whole affair with more wonder as well.

I Peter 1:6-9

2009-01-29T13:58:00.000-08:00

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen Him you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe him and are filled with inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." (I Pet. 1:6-9, NIV)

This books just keeps getting better and better the longer I chew on it. Here are some of the swirly thoughts this passage has inspired.

"In what?"

The first two words beg a look back to the previous verses. What are we greatly rejoicing in? See verses 3-5...and review the last post on I Peter that I did if you want, but the short answer is the living hope that we've been born into thanks to Jesus. The total salvation we are promised to inherit when the time is right. The fact that said inheritance is being guarded just as we are being guarded. That's what inspires the rejoicing...

"even though..."

even though they are facing some hard times. We can't be exactly sure exactly what types of hardships these readers were facing, but there are some things we can ascertain from the book itself.

We know, for example, that these trials were not the result of sin. Sometimes we go through difficult times because we make sinful choices...i.e. we are selfish in our relationships and then experience the difficulty of estrangement and loneliness. Later, in chapter 3 Peter will speak at length about the fact that they were "suffering for righteousness' sake"...not suffering because of sin. I do believe that God sometimes uses adversity to be punitive, to get our attention to affect repentance...but it doesn't look like this is the case with Peter's friends.

Next, know that these "grief-causing trials of many kinds" were necessary. There is an important word in there...only three letters, easy to miss, but key. Had. They have HAD to suffer." Other versions translate it "if need be". The idea here is that these are not random, incidental difficulties...nor are they the every day inconveniences and frustrations of living in a broken world. The struggles they faced were true trials, and they were purposed for them by God. I love how some translations word it..."ye are in heaviness."

To me that's a perfect description of these types of trials. Heaviness.

Matthew Henry has some great thoughts on this idea. "Great heaviness is often necessary to a Christian's good." The nature of people, for whatever reason, is that of atrophy. We do not naturally become stronger, whether in the physical sense or the spiritual sense..we naturally become weaker. People who are serious about their physical strength (and I'm really only going off of what I've been told here) understand this and dedicate themselves to strength training. Lifting weights, doing toning exercises...all in an effort to create an artificial resistance. They do this because they know that the everyday life experiences of moderate activity do not create opportunity to strengthen. So they invented weight benches and nautilus machines and crunches and lunges. The extra weight is needed to develop strength, to fight the atrophy. The same is true for our souls. Everyday life going smoothly simply does not afford opportunities to be strengthened. So God, in His relentless desire to mold us, sends in resistance. Trials. Heaviness.

Several years ago I found myself in a trial and pretty much threw a fit. I found God capricious and random and accused Him of being detached from my pain and uncaring. The pain of the trial threw a spotlight on my immature faith. I'd been bopping along just fine in my "Christian Life"...going to church, reading my Bible. All was well. Only it wasn't. I wasn't surrendered. I had exchanged true worship of God for worship of a happy and peaceful life. And I wasn't even aware of it until the trial came along and my response to it showed just how far I had to go. C.S. Lewis calls trials "God's megaphone."

Matthew Henry goes on to say "These troubles...never come upon us but when we have need and never stay any longer than needs must." God is anything but capricious. If He allows a trial, we can rest assured that there is a need within us to be met. And idol to tear down.

"so that..."

In addition to specific idols that trial can demolish...there is a general principle Peter gives as to the purpose. They refine our faith. He compares it to gold, which is refined by fire to remove dross and impurity...leaving only the beauty and luster of the untainted mineral.

I was talking to a friend a while back and we were exchanging stories of recent spiritual failures, and somehow this idea came up. She said "Yeah, that song Refiner's Fire is such a nice, soothing song...fun to sing. But when you're in the fire, all you really notice is that it's hot and you want out."

True gold won't burn...but the junk and impurities that imbed themselves within the gold will. Only the fire can separate the two, revealing the true treasure. The trials Peter's friends were facing were going to prove the genuineness of their faith by getting rid of the impurities.

"may be found to result in praise and glory..."

We do benefit from trials...but that's not the cheif end. The cheif end of all that God does, says and ordains is His Glory. I recently read a wonderful phrase...that God redeems sinners and makes them worshippers. Our faith, having been refined through the fire of trials, brings glory to Jesus. A wounded, weary saint brought to his knees by pain...who can yet lift his hands in worship of his Lord is a beautiful thing.

"Though you have not seen Him..."

One commentator suggested that here Peter was recalling his old friend Thomas, and the doubt he had of the risen Christ. This is one of my favorite stories in scripture simply because Jesus accomodates him. Thomas gets a bad rap...but at least he is honest in his unbelief. Lots of us say we believe what God says, but our lives prove otherwise. It's my personal theory that Jesus cannot resist an honest heart, even if it's honest in its unbelief. So Jesus made another appearance when Thomas was there and shows him the nail marks...and Thomas becomes an honest believer. Still, in a gentle rebuke, Jesus speaks a futuristic blessing on those who believe in Him even though they aren't granted what Thomas was.

I love Peter's empathy here. He knows what it's like to doubt Jesus...and He was a personal friend. He spent three years with Him...the flesh and blood Jesus. They talked and prayed and laughed and wept together. They probably had inside jokes. Peter knows that in some ways it was easier for him to love Jesus than it was for his readers, or for us for that matter. He's commending their faith, to love someone they've never seen and to believe in someone they've never spoken to face to face.

"obtaining the outcome of your faith...the salvation of your souls."

For the Christian, all of life...all of trials and joys are about this...obtaining the outcome of our faith. Evangelicals in the west tend to be hung up on the "salvation experience" the one point in time wherin you went from a sinner to a saint, an unbeliever to a believer. It's almost seen as brief and fleeting moment that everything leads to and then looks back on. I don't think that's the kind of salvation the apostles talked about. Yes, I believe there is a moment in time that you become a child of God through His grace. But I don't think that's "the end of the story" or even "just the beginning" of the story. I think that IS the story. God has been redeemING me all my life. When I was a kid I responded to His grace in faith and He at that point redeemED me. When I sin, I need His redempTION, not because I lost it the first time He gave it to me but because I need His grace again. Every sin leads me back to the cross because Jesus died for every sin. And as we walk with Him, be it in victory or trial...we're walking toward something. Toward redemption. The Greek here means "to receive back, to get what is promised, the conclusion, the culmination of your faith." When I was a kid Jesus saved me from the penalty of sin. I need His grace every day to save me from the power and the pleasure of sin...understanding I'll never quite get there and I'll need His grace all the more. One day, I'll obtain the outcome of my salvation and His grace will save me from the presence of sin.

That progression, that journey, is what it's all about.

Life Update

2009-01-27T09:19:00.000-08:00

So those of you on facebook have already seen this...but I wanted to post it here for anyone else.

As you can see, one of Silas's favorite pastimes of late is wild hip gyrations. You hate to give in to racial stereotypes, but neither of my two other children were this driven to dance. He dances to any and all music, as well as the spin cycle of the washer and rhythmic books (dum ditty dum ditty dum dum dum). We all enjoy it immensely.

It has also been fun to watch his language skills blossom. Only a month or so again it was mostly blank stares and incoherent babbling, but now there are definite word attempts. Any non-human creature (animals, muppets, etc) is still a dog but he knows that a cow says "mow" (sort of) and that a cat says meow, and that a dog (all of them) say oof oof. He can say mom and dad and has several words ascribed to Abby and Alex, but they vary and don't really bear any resemblance to their actual names. He loves talking on the phone and this is entertaining to us because he babbles with great expression and excitement, like he's telling a great story, and then he inserts fake laughter at various points which just really sells it. He's also made some good steps in his signing, now that we've convinced him that simply clapping is not a good one-size fits all remedy for signs. He does all done, please (which still looks an awful lot like one handed all done) and thank you (which looks a lot like blowing a kiss)...but we're making progress. He also loves standing at the top of the stairs and yelling at whoever may be down there, usually his siblings. They don't need to answer, or even be visible, he just likes the echo I think.

He is a climber and we've begun to discuss beginning a fund for the ER trips we are sure to make. He recently figured out that if he opens the bottom drawer and then stands in it he can reach more. Fun times.

Abby has been fighting some sort of bug since before Christmas it seems. But she's bearing up under it and has taken to asking me to pack an advil in her lunch. She is very excited that her team has qualified for the regional knowledge bowl competition, and has been studying for that religiously. She's also gearing up for awana Bible quizzing in Spokane. She continues to play piano, which Silas appreciates because it gives him something to dance to.

Alex received his "Godly Character Award" at chapel last week for wisdom and fairness. He was delighted for our school's winter fun week because one day you could dress up like anyone you wanted and he chose to be William Howard Taft. He wore Jeff's suitcoat and shirt and tie and stuffed a pillow under it for effect. Guitar is going well, and he too will be doing quizzing for awana.

Church planting is going well. It has been a very busy month with no end in sight. We are in the process of applying with Acts 29 which is a church planting network started by Mark Driscoll. They are a thorough bunch and we have had a LOT of writing to do on theological positions, philosophical points and anything else you can imagine. There is a boot camp in Seattle coming up in March that we may be going to.

We also may have a building, but since it's not a for sure yet I don't want to name it. But it looks like it will work out great and we hope to be doing services in the next 5-10 weeks. There have been some challenges and lessons for us in the past few months, but we are still really excited and anticipating God to use us. Particulary as the idea of services becomes a reality...that will be really cool.

So that's what we've been up to.

this week from Peter

2009-01-22T10:06:00.000-08:00

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time." (nasv)

I tried looking up "run-on sentence" in the Greek lexicon, but apparently the Greeks made no rules about such things. When I first read these verses I thought about my sixth grade class trying to read the instructions for how to play DVD Clue a few weeks ago. One of them said, "I hate reading instructions like this, they use so many extra words!" Sometimes it seems like the New Testament writers take a thought that could be stated in a concise 12 words, and dress it up by adding 35 extraneous ones to dress it up a bit. Sometimes it can be a little confusing...like, instead of saying "the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ", why can't he just say "God" and get on with the rest of the thought? But I have a hard time seriously concluding that the Holy Spirit is simply "wordy", I know all Scripture is inspired and profitable and I believe that to extend to the very word choices. Something that occurred to me recently was that the writers probably wanted to convey as much doctrine as possible in a letter. The church was SO young and there were SO many false teachers, especially on the topic of who exactly Jesus was. My theory is that the reason so many of the NT letters "greeting" section contain so many references to the trinity is because they were trying to insert some more teaching on it, even though the rest of the letter may have been on an unrelated section. So sure, Peter could have just said "Blessed be God" but in that age of Gnosticism and other deceptions of who Christ was, maybe Peter just wanted to remind them of a little Christology 101. So what we may see as extra or flowery wordage could have been a very deliberate statement of theology or a reminder of doctrine.

So, it's hard to boil down to just one thought what is being said here, and furthermore I think we lose the heart behind the words when we try to reduce it to a pithy statement we can tuck into our pockets for inspiration later. Hence, like Peter, today I may be wordy and roundabout. ("Isn't she always?" ba-doom-ba-chhhhhh! yeah, you're so clever.)

First Parking Place: the born again part to a living hope part.

Of all the word-images for salvation, this one has always intrigued and confused me most. I'm a little like Nicodemus, wondering how exactly that would work and furthermore what my mother would think of it. We all know we're not talking about literal birth here (right? we all knew that, right?) so what on earth does this really mean? I chewed on it for a while and this is a bit of what I came up with.

When someone is born, in a sense their life begins...but in another sense it doesn't because they were alive prior to their birth. They were sleeping and kicking and rolling around...sponging off of their mother's nutrition, circulation, etc. But their birth begins the real chapter of their life. They enter the world as their own little person. They go from a dark, fluid filled quasi-existence to a world of bright lights, loud noises, changing temperatures and huge people who like to stare at them and mess with their feet. It's a pretty big life change, when you think about it. And it's not a life change that the infant purposed or initiated. It's not like one day he's in there having in-utero thoughts and decides it's time to relocate. The mother's body decides when it's time, and junior can only hang on for the ride.

So, in my mind...being born again spiritually means that we go from a "life" of darkness and loneliness into the real world...a real life where we are meant to live and thrive and grow and change. And this begins not because we decided, but because God decided it for us. He "causes us to be born again" and that's when our true life begins. Sure, we existed before...but it was only a shadow of the real life that awaits us once God says it's time to push. Life begins. Things are new and different.

Second Parking Place: the "to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus" part.

Sadly, in physical birth...it's really just the very beginning of the dying process. Someday on a headstone two dates will be etched, the one of our birth and the one of our death. That's where spiritual birth is SO much cooler...we are born to a living hope.

I have a real fondness for this really old chorus we used to sing in church...my favorite verse talks about how great it is to hold a newborn baby and enjoy him..."but sweeter still, the calm assurance, this child can face uncertain times because He lives." Apart from Jesus, each birth should be a bittersweet reminder of the life and death process. We are born, we grow, we age, we die. In between we face bitter disappointments and heartaches and pain. But Jesus is alive. And since Jesus is alive, as the song states, we can face tomorrow. That's what it means (to me) to be born to a living hope. All made possible by the resurrection of Jesus. One commentator I read said "hope rose up with Christ from the dead."

Parking Place 3: the inheritance part.

Not only do we get to be born into this amazing new hope-filled life, we are born with the proverbial silver spoon in our mouth. Which is a weird expression...how would that be a good thing?

Except, unlike silver, which tarnishes or can be stolen or loses its value when the market slumps...our inheritance is "imperishable...undefiled...and will not fade away." I love how in other passages wealth is referred to as "so uncertain". Isn't that the truth? In the past few months people have lost savings, retirement money, property, real estate, stocks...and why? Because of this abstract idea that the market is bad.

Our inheritance, that is, our salvation from sin and death which, though it has already begun will not reach its fruition until we are ultimately with Jesus and free not only from the penatly of sin, but from the presence of sin...could not be more secure. It is imperishable (not subject to loss...cannot be destroyed), undefiled (untouched by sin and its effects...imagine what THAT would be like), and unfading (not able to diminish...an interesting part of the definition was "perennial"...so it just keeps coming back bigger and better every year).

Sounds pretty rock solid, but Peter's not even done yet...not only is the inheritance in and of itself, by its very nature secure...it is also being "reserved in heaven for you." This is where the NASV is in my mind a weaker translation on this verse, because that word is better translated "guarded" because it's a little truer to the Greek word meaning to attend carefully, to guard, to care for. This indestructable inheritance is under protection they could only wish for at Fort Knox.

Again, to pull in the cultural context...these readers were poor, oppressed, vulnerable. Maybe they had once had money, status, protection, connections...but not any more. Now they are just sort of trying to hang on and fly under the radar to avoid further trouble with the world they lived in which didn't understand or appreciate them. Peter wants very much to remind them that even if they've lost everything else...either by decay or theft or bad markets or bad public relations, they have an inheritance that is forever valuable, untouchable, and is being protected by God the time comes when He presents it to His heir.

Who, by the way, is also "protected by the power of God." Not only is the inheritance never out of God's careful attention, the heir is also guarded by God.

It's hard to imagine a more secure place to be. Once again, amidst a very uncertain life, Peter is reminding his friends of all that IS certain. And how certain it really is. Life's been a little surprising and unpredictable for us this week too, in some ways good, some not so much. But it's nice to know that whatever we may gain or lose in these brief years under the sun...our true wealth exists out the reach of everything and everyone but God. And it will be there when we need it.

So, sure, maybe Peter could have said "God saved us and is keeping our inheritance until the time is right." But I think we would have lost an awful lot.

Some Early Thoughts on I Peter

2009-01-13T13:57:00.000-08:00

The world of indepth Bible study is a complex one. Mostly because at some point you should probably consult some other source than the Bible itself. Fortunately, sources abound. Jeff's been building his 'pastorly library' for over nine years now and since his 'pastorly office' right now is just down the hall...I have easy access to lots of books. Were that not enough, the internet affords hundreds if not thousands of online commentaries, lexicons, encyclopedias and concordances (if we'd only known this was coming we could have saved a lot of money spent on a 25 pound Strong's Concordance). UNfortunately, all these sources can be overwhelming. Especially since a lot of them are written in odd formats with lots of Greek. Jeff sometimes wonders why more people don't thoroughly study the Bible with all the study tools available...I totally get it. It's like taking a silly straw to get a drink from a fire hose.

Plus, as if sifting through the incredible volume of material wasn't daunting enough...not all commentaries are created equal. Just like there is bad theology...there are bad commentaries. Study tools created to explain away the supernatural facts by allegorizing everything. Liberal theology ascribers have written just as much as conservatives. For example...apparently there is this huge debate among scholars as to whether or not Peter actually wrote the books of I and II Peter. There are a number of reasons for this view...but when I read that in a reference source I promptly closed the browser and moved on...simply because both books claim clearly to be written by Peter. Which means that if someone OTHER than Peter is the writer, then that person is a liar...and my hunch is that God wouldn't inspire someone to lie. Ergo...if a commentator doubts Petrine authorship (look how smart I am...using Ergo and Petrine all in one sentence like that) then we will continue to disagree because he most likely denies the inerrancy or infallibility of the Bible. I, on the other hand, do not. Which is precisely why I'm studying it to begin with.

So, yeah. The author is Peter...the guy who was the most vocal and impetuous disciple. The guy who was in the inner circle or what we would probably today call the "senior management team". The guy who spent three years watching Jesus do crazy things and teach crazier things. The guy who vowed never to deny him, and then did a few hours later, three times. The guy who decided to go back to the fishing business after Jesus died, only to have the resurrected Jesus make him breakfast and ask him if he loved Him. The guy who stood up on Pentecost and preached a sermon and 3000 people got saved. The guy who got a clear message from God to accept the Gentiles but later chickened out when he started taking heat from his Jewish Christian friends. The guy who was probably given celebrity status among early Christians. The guy who blew it a lot, and the guy who got it right a lot. The guy who, as reliable legend holds, was crucified upside down under Nero.

Peter is writing to aliens, according to the NASV, which sounds pretty exciting until you check another version and it turns out his audience were plain old earthlings like the rest of us. These earthlings were having a hard time. Because they had embraced Christianity, they were decidedly unpopular in the Roman world. Not that Rome so much cared who you worshipped (at least not for a couple more years when Nero assumed control), but they did care who you didn't worship. Like, say, the Caesar. Good Romans proudly acclaimed Caesar is Lord...and for obvious reasons Christians wouldn't. I learned an interesting fact, that the term atheist was first used to label Christians, because they refused the deity...of Caesar, of all the Roman gods and goddesses. So these early Christians were not really welcome citizens wherever they went. Think Jews in pre-war Europe. They sort of got kicked out of their cities from time to time...never really able to set down roots or call a place home. Basically, they suffered because they were trying to live for Jesus in a pagan world. Their suffering was not the intense being fed to the lions variety that would eventually dawn in Rome...it was more just living in a place where you weren't welcome. People talked about them, slandered them...reported untrue charges of crime to the authorities. It's likely many of them were struggling financially, because in those days "labor guild" type organizations were unwilling to allow this "atheistic" rabble to join. They lived in odd-sounding towns in an area that makes up modern day Turkey, and were discovering that living to honor Jesus was proving more difficult than they'd likely anticipated. That's why they're called exiles.

Peter also calls them something else in verse 1. Elect, or Chosen. Elect Exile, Chosen Weirdo. Selected Freak. Sounds a bit like an oxymoron.

So I'd like to mostly sidestep this hot button issue of what's usually called the doctrine of election. I believe it, I don't think you can explain your way through the New Testament if you don't...but I'm the first to admit that there are parts of it that are difficult. My overly simplified answer is that it's God's Party, and He gets to make the guest list whether my puny brain can conceive of the reasoning behind it or not.

But whatever your stance on pre-destination, and WHO is and isn't elect, I'm sure we can all agree that at the very least, THESE people were elect. Chosen. By God. Exiled by their neighbors, governments, families, friends, yes. But chosen by the God of the universe.

I read a lot of adoption blogs. I'm totally addicted to following the stories of a family bringing home their child and a child getting a family. One family I like to read just adopted 3 siblings from Columbia...aged 4-8. They live in Alaska and they love Jesus and they added these children to their family that already had 3 kids living at home because they believe God told them to. But it hasn't been all hugs and Candyland. These children have spent several formitive years in an orphanage and I would ask you to consider what ache and pain and anger would live in your child's heart had they been there? The middle child, a little girl named Mayerly has been quite the handful. The youngest boy is sweet and more than willing to be hugged and kissed. The oldest girl is old enough to better understand the amazing gift they have received...and is eager to please her new family by being compliant and well tempered. But little Mayerly needs to push them all away. She says mean things to them and will rarely show any affection or love. Orphanage directors had warned them of all of this, apparently she had gained herself a reputation there too. The parents understand that she's making them prove that they are in it forever, for better or worse. They continue to love her and pray that God would give them a road into her heart. In her last entry, the mom wrote about how one of her biological daughters, a teenager, has taken a special interest into Mayerly. She confided to her mom, "Don't let on, but I think she's my favorite." Her mom wrote something I found incredibly profound...she said "I think Mayerly really needed to be somebody's favorite." I have no doubt this family's love will win over this little girl...giving her the security to love them in return.

To me, that's a picture of election. God picking us. God wanting us. God loving us before we could love Him back. When we were sullen and angry orphans pushing Him away. Peter, and the other Epistle author's must have really wanted their readers to get that...because they sure wrote about it a lot. I think they wanted them to know they had been picked and loved by the only Person who really matters.

Peter's friends didn't have much going right for them. Maybe some of them were starting to wonder if the whole Christianity thing was worth all the hassle it caused. So in the very first sentence, Peter makes it apoint to remind them of their status...ELECT EXILES. The God who had called them knew their circumstances, their difficulties. In the middle of a hard life, that was the truth he wanted them to hitch their wagon to first and foremost.

I'm confident it gave them the same hope and security it gives me.

Obsess Much?

2009-01-10T14:15:00.000-08:00

If you've spent more than, say, thirty minutes with my oldest son, you know he's into presidents. Really into presidents. OCD into presidents.

Earlier this week he was going around school wishing people "Happy Fillmore Day!" because it was his birthday. Nixon's was this last week, too. It was an exciting week.

In the vein of "this is at least educational information" I've endured this obsession. I endured him making lists of the presidents as classified by home state, political party, nickname, birth month, height, and favorite food. I've endured fourteen thousand questions like "Pop quiz, mom. Which president refused to be innaugurated on Sunday?" "How many presidents have been born in Ohio?" "Who was the first non-federalist president?"

Last night Jeff showed him how to play Madden Football on the Play Station two. Today he found the inevitable bridge for the two worlds. He created his very own NFL team. It's name? The Idaho Presidents. It's roster? Made up of all 43 presidents.

He was proudly showing me his players. At the Free Safety position is a beefy looking Ronald Reagan. "This was when he was 23 years old. That's why he's so muscular." Playing Tight End is Theodore Roosevelt... "Before he dislodged his retina in a boxing match. That's why there's no monacle."

I did have to agree with his decision to make George Washington the Quarterback...all that battle field experience and all...he's bound to be quick on his feet. Abraham Lincoln clearly had the height to be Wide Receiver...but rather than play Taft at Right Tackle (Taft was really fat. Right Tackles are usually the big boys) he decided to start Warren G. Harding, who had recently bulked up. ("He really likes his nachos.")

And at some point I really begin to wonder if there are other boys in the world who do things like this...and aren't in the National Spelling Bee.

First Post of 2009

2009-01-05T07:26:00.000-08:00

Nothing much New Years-y...just documenting an accomplishment that took a while (longer than I thought) to reach.

On September 24, 2007 Jeff issued a challenge to our small group to focus on consistent Bible reading. He made these cool cards that listed all the books of the Bible and had the number of chapters and he gave them to us and said whoever read the most DAYS (I think there was a one chapter minimum before you got credit for a day) over the next few months would be the winner. Then that person got to pick a favorite restaurant and we would all go and the rest of us had to pick up the tab for that person's meal. I was totally poised to win (we checked in every couple weeks to see who was in the lead) and had already picked not only my restaurant but my entree as well.

Then in October we got the call about Silas.

So yeah. Between the trip to TX and just the craziness of having a newborn...Halyna stole my lead. At least she picked the restaurant I would have picked. And she's pretty spindly so she doesn't eat much.

But I was enjoying crossing off the chapter numbers as I read, so I decided to keep up with my handy chart with the goal of getting through the entire Bible. Maybe in a year? I thought to myself.

Obviously that didn't work out. I way underestimated the chapter length of books like Ezekiel, Isaiah and Jeremiah. But...a few days ago, I happily checked off my final chapter. I did it! I didn't do it in a year, like I'd hoped...it took me fifteen months. But that's okay, or so I keep telling myself. And I've grown oddly attached to my tattered little X covered card. Think I'll keep it just for old times' sake. We've been through a lot together.

I decided for 09 I'd go back and do a more detailed study of some of the books I particularly enjoyed or found challenging. So I'm starting in Peter. I unofficially decided that it was a good two year plan, to alternate reading through the bible (where, let's face it, you're going for volume) with a year of going through books in greater detail and study. We'll see how it goes.

Meantime I'm thinking of asking the group how they'd feel about some sort of dessert related reward for my focus and dilligence. Think they'll go for it?

Christmas Fun

2008-12-29T07:48:00.000-08:00

So, since I didn't actually get around to taking any photos of our Christmas festivities thus far, I thought I better write down some of the highlights. Posterity and all that.

Party #1: Christmas Adam
(heh heh, get it? Adam? Eve?) We like to have a time for just the 5 of us to spend together and open our presents from one another. And since we had plans on Christmas Eve with Jeff's family, and since we had people coming over the night before Christmas Eve, our kids were delighted that we got to open presents Monday night. Well, almost all of them were. Silas was getting sick and chose that precise time frame to spike a fever of 103. Regardless, we got some Fazarri's (the best pizza in town for you non-valley folk) talked over Christmas a bit, thanked God for all his gifts, then tore into ours. The kids were thrilled with their gifts, which is always fun to watch. For many reasons, we don't let our kids make lists of what they want, so it's always a total surprise to them to see what we've picked out for them. They are always very gracious and grateful. After the mess was semi-cleaned up the older 2 scurried down to watch their new Prince Caspian dvd and we gave the unhappy one a bath and put him to bed.

Party #2: Christmas Eve
Mark and Melissa weren't able to make it out this year, and John and Tina and Quin and Melissa were spending Christmas with their inlaws, so it was just us, Jeff's parents, and his youngest brother Ben and his girlfriend. So they all came to our house Christmas Eve for lots of food. Abby and Alex decided they wanted to put on a little concert for them, so Ab played some Christmas songs on piano, and then Alex played guitar. Except he only knew one short Christmas song so instead he played some Taylor Swift songs. (he's currently playing 4 songs by her...which I think means she's a pretty rudimentary guitar player since he's only been playing chords for about 6 months. We are all thankful that she uses the same 4 chords in every song because it gives him catchy familiar tunes to practice and he even hears them on the radio sometimes. Then he casually shrugs off the fact that he can play that song to whoever he is with.)

Not to be outdone, Silas (who was feeling much better by this time thanks to a few days of pink goo) attempted to upstage his older siblings by dancing adorably while they played. This was not the first attempt, (his first attempt was to steal Alex's music sheets. his second attempt was whacking the guitar and singing along. Eventually we got Alex situated perched atop a chair out of reach...but Silas then discovered he could sabotage the cd player that Alex accompanied. finally, when these things were moved, he resorted to dancing) but it was the most successful.

Party #3: Christmas Day
I woke up not feeling well...a vague exhaustion that lingered for several days. So Jeff held the kids off on stockings until I woke up. Among other things, I always get them new toothbrushes in their stockings...and just to balance that out I also get them pop tarts. My children have a passion for pop tarts that is probably enflamed because I only let them have them once or twice a year. One of those times is always in their stocking. This year they were particularly thrilled to see the silver wrapped pastry because the one time since Christmas 07 that I had bought them...as a treat to be enjoyed on our drive to MN...Jeff had eaten nearly all of them. So, for the last few mornings they've happily enjoyed their pop tart breakfasts, casting baleful glances at Jeff as they do.

This year was one of wonder and amazement because it was the first year that MY stocking was filled as well! A month or so ago as we were hanging the stockings (with care) I mentioned that my stocking held its shape the best (having never really been stuffed) and in a moment of clarity it dawned on Jeff that while I always put things in his stocking, he had never reciprocated. It was kind of amusing to see his face as he put it together. So he internally vowed to remember this year and he did. It was fun to have my own things to dig out Christmas morning.

But then I went back to bed. We eventually made our way to Bob and Cathy's for a nice dinner, after which Jeff and the kids went sledding on the hill behind the house. We went home after pie.

We still have 2 more parties yet to come. New Year's Eve we're having a church shindig...then New Year's Day has been dubbed Pernukkah...and that's when we'll finally exchange gifts with Jeff's family since Quin and Melissa will be here then. Maybe someone will have the presence of mind to capture a few images so they can speak for themselves.

Can't.

2008-12-15T15:28:00.000-08:00

It started off innocently enough...God gave us an ipod...and Jeff and I really like listening to Mark Driscoll so we started listening to his Peasant Princess series on Song of Solomon. (I highly recommend it, I think. Maybe you better finish reading this and then decide for yourself.) It was a fantastic series on marriage...basically, and throw in some bits for engagement, dating and parenting. What I loved about it the most was that it instigated some great conversations between the two of us that were significant. So, you know how it is...when you're reading a book or hearing about some certain "thing" you kinda start focusing on that "thing"...so for a couple months I've been been putting some more intentional effort into the whole wife thing. I can tell Jeff has, too (on the husband front, that is), so it's kind of been a lovefest over here at Casa de Pern. Which is cool...so I'm eating up the Driscoll stuff as fast as itunes will give it to me.

Then one of the last sermons focuses a little more on parenting...and it was great, but with a few more barbs of conviction. He talked a lot about all the stuff he does with his kids, and I started feeling a little panicky. That's my natural response to feeling overwhelmed. It just feels like we're stretched so thin already between work and church and the house and the money and the yard and simply getting the kids cleaned, clothed, fed and educated. And, Driscoll already had me pouring a little more time and attention into my marriage...now he's telling me I need to take my kids on individual dates and remind them of the gospel everytime they get in an argument and I start feeling a little clausterphobic.

But, I know he's right. It's amazing how easy it is, with older kids, to let them go on auto pilot. Especially when you've done the hard work in their early years, because then they're so darn obedient and compliant and un-demanding. It's easy to assume they're fine even though it's been a while since you made time to pray with them or ask them the deeper questions beyond "how was school? did you clean your room?". Particularly when you've got a one year old running around who WILL make his needs known, who WILL demand. So Jeff and I sat down...repented a little...made some plans to really put some intentional focus on the kids.

Add that to intentional focus on knowing Jesus. And intentional focus on loving one another well. And somehow getting all the other stuff done too.

This led to our next book to read together...Age of Opportunity. We both know the teen years will be here before we're ready to meet them. The book is fantastic but made we want to vomit a little.

See, the author is talking about taking advantage of all the opportunities in every day, mundane life to reach into your kids' hearts and point them to Christ. He told this story about coming home at 10:00 at night after a long day of counseling and teaching. He was looking forward to checking out in front of the tv for a bit before going to bed to get the rest his body and mind were aching for. Upon entering his house though, he's met with an argument between his two teenage sons.

Now, here's what I would have done. "Hey! Beavis and Butthead! You're going to have to figure this out on your own and do so quietly. It's ten o clock and I'm in no mood. You're old enough to figure this out on your own!"

Maybe that's why no one has asked me to write any parenting books. Because that's not what the author did. He prayed for strength and grace, and sat his kid down. Talked for like an hour. Talked about grace and forgiveness.

And that's when I felt like I was going to throw up... and I wasn't sure why at first...but after a while my head caught up and started saying stuff like this:

"There's no way. I can't do that. I can't be that selfless. I mean, yeah, maybe I could for a couple weeks...but consistently, for the next 18 years? I can't do that. I can't develop my walk with God, be the wife I'm supposed to be, be the mom I'm supposed to be, serve in the church the way I'm supposed to, be the teacher I'm supposed to be, the friend I'm supposed to be, the community citizen I'm supposed to be...I can't! It is just not in me! How can God ask me to be all that when it's clearly not possible?"

(I should also mention having very dark and ugly thoughts toward both Mark Driscoll and Paul David Tripp.)

And in the middle of my "I can't!"s...God whispered, "I know."

I think every decade or so God has a new lesson He wants me to learn...it looks like my 30's will be the decade where I learn this. Because it's popping up everywhere. In everything I read, listen to, people I talk to. It all keeps coming back to one thing.

The cross.

Somehow...the pieces of the puzzle had been fitted in my mind like so: A person is born a sinner, and at some point, they hear about Jesus and how He died on the cross so they could be saved from the penalty of their sin. You accept that information on faith, and you believe that it's true for you as an individual...repent and then poof! You're a Christian. Then you move on to something called "Growing as a Christian." I thought it was sort of like a journey, the true beginning of which was at the cross...then you moved on. You learn and serve and let time and other people grow you into a more Christ-like person.

And I still think there's truth in that. But what God's started showing me a LOT lately is that we don't ever move on from the cross. It's not this one time thing where a transaction is made never again to be revisited. (BTW, what I'm saying has nothing to do with what Bible college people call eternal security.) Christians are supposed to be living at the foot of the cross...not making it merely their starting out point.

So when we fail, we need the cross. We need to remember that we CANNOT please God apart from Jesus. Maybe for a while we can drum up enough self-discipline and will ourselves to impart spiritual disciplines or holy living...but eventually we run out of ourselves. Then, I think God's teaching me that we need grace anew. I can no more live in obedience to God on my own than I could erase my sin penalty on my own.

Maybe it's only a shift in thinking...maybe everyone else has known this all along...but for me it's been pretty radical. Verses about vines and branches have taken on new meaning. When Paul says he rejoices in infirmities because when he's weak, he's actually strong...makes sense in a way it didn't before.

So, I've made my peace with Driscoll and Tripp. Maybe by the time I reach my 40's I'll have figured out all this living in the shadow of the cross business. It's still pretty new, and apparently I can be a pretty slow learner.

My List

2008-11-24T14:17:00.000-08:00

Mondays around here are typically dedicated to laundry and cleaning. Today I found myself feeling a little defeated by the constant messes and piles I find. Then I remembered what week it is, and decided to see this messy house as evidence of God's abundant blessings. Decided to make a little list.

Little Things I am thankful for...even though I usually whine about them...Thanksgiving 08.

1. The endless supply of crumbs on my dining room floor.
2. Plastic lids in various locations on my stairway.
3. Floss, combs and toothpaste scattered around my bathroom.
4. The odd things I sometimes find in my bathtub....

because those things prove that a happy, curious one year old lives here. Two Thanksgivings ago we decided to take the plunge and pursue adoption. We just kept looking around at our holiday table enjoying all the people we are related to, and we knew we wanted to expand that. We wanted to give that gift to our kids...those loud, chaotic holiday celebrations with squealing babies and giggling kids. Sometimes people gave us shocked looks when they heard we were volunteering to go all the way back to the parenting starting line with midnight feedings and diapers...but I am so so so glad we did, and so thankful that God allowed us to add this little person to our family.

5. The stacks of vitally important school related papers sitting on my kitchen counter.
6. The chore of making lunches at 6 am.
7. Books. Everywhere. All the time.

because those things are the evidence that my two older children are healthy and smart and doing great at school. They have teachers who love them and pray for them, and friends who encourage them. They are growing into some pretty great people!

8. The chores of figuring out what to eat this week, making a list of what we needed, and getting the kids to the store.
9. The 37 (not really) bags of Walmart fodder than I hauled into the cart, onto the belt, into the car, into the house and put away.

because God has provided what we need to buy said 37 bags of food and household supplies. We dropped our monthly income by nearly 50% and yet somehow, we have what we need. God has been so generous.

10. Our bright pink office (which used to be Ab's room) that has not yet been tidied of it's stacks of pesticide text books, spreadsheets, Bible study books, and probably no fewer than 19 pens.
11. The damp towels I usually have to hang up.
12. The drill charger on my kitchen table.

because those are Jeff messes. My stars...where would I be without that man?

13. The Bible I left on the table.
14. The memory verse cards I need to study.
15. My kids awana books which are so rarely where they are supposed to be.

because these things remind me that I have God's word...in about 25 different formats...in my very own house. The God of the universe wants to talk to us.

The more I think on it...the more this messy house makes my spirit sing.

Where I've Been

2008-11-04T09:14:00.001-08:00

So I was recently chided (in the way only one's mother can chide) about my lack of blogging. I realized it had been a while, and when I really stopped to think about it my first thought was "Well no wonder...you've been too darn busy to blog!" Here's what I've been busy with.

1. Silas is now walking. No further explanation necessary, I'm sure. Unlike my first two children, who took tenative steps around age 14 months...and then only when pleaded with from a crouching parent ready to catch them...Silas went from first steps to totally independent strolls through the house in about a day. He has a very cute slow, Frankenstein walk...keeping his arms up to maintain his balance. Whenever we joke about his Frankenstein walk Abby promptly reminds us that it was the monster who walked funny, not Dr. Frankenstein...and so technically we should be saying his Frankenstein's Monster walk. Smarty pants.

2. The other two. Two soccer practices plus one game per week, a guitar lesson, a piano lesson, awana and knowledge bowl practice (which I, in a moment of insanity agreed to coach. oh yes, not one, but two teams) make for busy weeks. Thankfully, the soccer madness is over as of last night.

3. Picking up slack. Jeff works 40-48 hours between Monday and Thursday. He's up and gone before anyone wakes up (this morning was 4:30) and skates in around dinner time. On top of that, he does church work one evening a week, all day Friday, and a few hours on Sunday. This leaves about 35 minutes a week for things like looking at his children or checking the oil. (ok, maybe I exaggerate a tad.) This has naturally left a great deal of slack for me to pick up. Things I've taken quite for granted like him being able to occasionally take the kids to school or to music or sports. Things like him having the time and phyiscal energy to do the dishes, balance the check book, do yard work. So my plate has been a lot fuller just maintaining the kids and the house stuff. It has been good for me...makes me appreciate all that he has been able to do historically (and will, I trust be able to do again someday) and makes my busy days go fast. I don't even object to going to bed before nine because I'm tired too!

I really appreciate Jeff's hard work for our family, which he has done without a breath of complaint. He's had to become an early morning person...study and sit 5 different state exams on pesticides and insecticides...he pulls rats out of traps 10-12 hours a day...but he comes home with a smile on his face, telling funny (if a little gross)stories about mouse skeletons and ready to interact with his family even though I know he's bone tired and would love nothing more than to turn on the football game.

A while back someone, maybe a little jokingly, made a comment about planting a church in town being "the easy way" as opposed to moving to a new town and taking on an existing church. So we often (maybe jokingly) laugh about how easy life is working way more hours for way less money...and trying to juggle family and ministry with the few remaining hours. Still, though there have definitely been sacrifices already, (and are certainly many more to come) there is such joy and fulfillment in doing what you know God wants you doing. We get tired sometimes, I get grumpy sometimes, and we do wonder about finances and all the rest...but there is peace and contentment. We're both so excited about what God is doing...we're happy to trade some cash flow and free time for that kind of adventure.

4. Confluence Community Church. Is going great! It's so neat to see this core of people, some of whom didn't even know one another's names when we first started, bond together in only a month's time. We have about 20 people who have committed themselves to the ministry...and about 5-10 others who are still visiting/checking things out. The past couple weeks it has really started to feel like a church and not just a home bible study. We even have a functioning nursery (read: 2 babies ((for now, 4 on the way!)) and 2-3 toddlers playing in a guest room)and children's church (read: 5-8 school age kids doing small group style lessons together before having a snack and playing the Wii). Last Sunday we made some campfires and spent the whole night singing and praying...it was so cool. One guy sent us an email saying it was the first time he'd ever prayed aloud with a group...and how excited he was about it...thanking us for stretching him and thanking God for this church. We had saltine and grape juice communion together too. Our plan for now is to do this sort of thing once a month...the rest of our times together are in bible study...we are in II Timothy.

5. Family stuff. Jeff's grandfather died on October 25...so last week we were up in Colville for the services. We will miss George but he was ready. Because of the funeral we got to spend some unexpected time with other family, including Jeff's sister Melissa, which is nice. As I was writing this though we got another call from Jeff's mom, and her father was just taken to the hospital because he was having some heart problems...so we're praying for Ken. Times like this always deepen one's appreciation for the gift we have in family.

So, see? Add my job and laundry and cooking and dishes and diapers to all that and it's no wonder I haven't carved out time to blog.

Life is good in this "mad season"...we are blessed. And coming up on Thanksgiving we're aware of how much we have to thank our God for!

What time is it?

2008-10-16T15:16:00.000-07:00

Every school day we go through the ritual of pulling out the folders, signing the planners, throwing old papers away, sticking important notes to the fridge, checking homework. Alex's teacher is kind to send home an answer key each day so we can quickly correct the 30 or so math problems they worked on. You know, without having to think or anything. Because fourth grade math can be pretty hard.

There are almost always some exercises in time telling...as in, they will show a picture of a clockface, and ask the student what time it will be in three hours and 14 minutes. Today's clock read 11:40 and asked what time it would be in 4 hours and 20 minutes.

(I'll give you a sec to figure it out...)

See, it's kinda hard. It must be because Alex, who is one of the smartest kids I know, got it wrong. At least I think he did.

He wrote: 3:60 pm.

hee hee.

Birthday Boy

2008-10-11T19:25:00.000-07:00

Today was Silas' first birthday. We had a family party at Grandma and Grandpa's house. He learned two new skills to commemorate the occasion...he can now climb into the bathtub unassisted (and apparently unattended by his big sister babysitter) and he has figured out how to open the sliding door at the top of the stairs at grandma's house.

He actually wasn't that into his cake eating experience. I think he'd rather eat ritz crackers than sweets. But he did take a few fingerfulls of frosting before getting down to play. Not quite the frosting smearing experience we had anticipated (hence the shirtlessness) but he was apparently full from the lasagna he'd eaten for dinner.

He was very delighted by the candle prospect, however. We had to keep it out of reach or he may have tried to make his wish via squeezing out the candle, rather than blowing it out.

Waiting for his birthday lasagna.

Present time! Lots of them made noises to his great delight. This one was a very talkative baseball toy from John, Tina and Kate.

He liked this puppy grandma. He snuggled it the whole drive home. (It too, had lots to say. Mostly playful growling and yelping.)

He's eyeing the set of cars he got from grandma P. They took a long time to free from their package...the toy people are nothing if not zealous packagers...but they were well worth the wait.

Chapel

2008-10-09T16:09:00.000-07:00

Reason #873 why I love our school:

This story was told to me this week by the mom of one of our new families at school. We were talking about chapel...this wonderful once a month event in the life of our school where we sing a bit, watch kids perform skits, music, share scripture they've memorized. It's so fun to watch. This gal's husband, who works for the public school district, was able to come watch chapel for the first time. She noticed he was pretty quiet the whole time, and afterward she asked him what he thought.

Apparently he was quiet because he was tearing up. It started when everyone (students and guests) belted out all the verses of our hymn of the month, Amazing Grace...and lasted right on through the first grader's cute and funny skit and the presentation of the Godly Character Awards.

He said, "I just couldn't believe it was school."

I had the first response the first time I went to chapel. We're in our 4th year at CCS...roughly 32 chapels. Like most blessings, things like this can become routine and lose their wonder. It was neat to see chapel through new eyes again...to be reminded what an incredible blessing it is to send your kids to school and know that they're going to be encouraged in their relationship with Jesus.

This isn't an "everybody should do Christian school" post...I don't do telling people how they should raise their kids. This is just an expression of thankfulness for the gift God gave us when he put CCS in our path. And a reminder to not take it for granted.

Asa

2008-10-07T11:07:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a lot in Kings and Chronicles...fascinated by Israel's history. The other day we were eating dinner and somehow we got to talking about bible events we would have liked to witness, and Jeff picked one I hadn't expected...he would have liked to be there the day Solomon dedicated the temple. I thought that was a good answer. Israel was at her peak. David's devotion to God had paved the way for a season of peace, prosperity and influence in his son's reign. Solomon humbly asks God for wisdom to lead the people, and God gives it. Then the temple starts to go up...more glorious than we can probably imagine. Gold plated everything. Silver as common as stones. Talk about revelling in the blessing of God.

Sadly, we know it didn't last. Solomon had a love for the ladies that led him into idolatry. God promised the tear the kingdom away from Solomon's son, and that's exactly what happened. Israel became a divided country. And it just kept getting worse. The northern tribes went from wicked king to wicked king...Judah did a little better, but still, there was a major decline in both places.

Then comes this guy Asa to the throne of Judah. He was one of the good kings. A very good king...for most of his life. He tore down the pagan shrines and altars in Israel...even deposed his own grandmother for idolatry. Once, he faced a battle with Ethiopia and was massively outnumbered. He cried out to God...

"O Lord, no one but you can help the powerless against the mighty! Help us, O Lord our God, for we trust in you alone..."

And, predictably, God intervenes...Asa and his guys win the battle. This seems to set him on an even greater high, and he went about making even further religious reforms in his country. They entered a new covenant "to seek the Lord, the God of their ancestors, with all their heart and soul....all in Judah were happy about this covenant, for they had entered it with all their heart. They earnestly sought after God, and they found him."

How cool is that? Unfortunately...things changed for Asa. In the 36th year of his reign, after years and years of enjoying peace from war...things change. Apparently the northern tribes of Israel decide to make some trouble for their one-time countrymen and invaded Judah to set up a seige. Time for Asa to take action, right?

And he does. I wish he'd taken the action he took when he faced the million Ethiopians. Instead, he takes some cash from the temple coffers and sends it to another king asking for his help to get the Israelites out of there.

The initial threat is answered...they attack some Israelite cities, and the king decides to give up his plan of a seige. Asa was probably patting himself on the back for a strategic leadership decision, when a prophet comes to Asa with a haunting rebuke, "Because you have put your trust in the king of Aram instead of the Lord your God, you missed your chance to time you destroy the army of the king of Aram. Don't you remember what happened to the Ethiopians and Libyans and their vast army, with all of their chariots and charioteers? At that time you relied on the Lord, and he handed them over to you. They eyes of the Lord search over the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. What a fool you have been! From now on you will be at war."

Wow. There is so much there I don't even know where to start unpacking. I guess my big thought is...what happened to this guy? He was so passionate about doing God's work...so fired up to clean up the country. He was on a mission to get rid of idolatry in Judah even though it meant taking on his own family. And the crazy thing is...his fire spread to the people! They got excited about returning to God again too! Everything was going so well. I so often wish God would reveal more in these stories...so we could see exactly what happened. As is we can only speculate...but knowing humanity, knowing myself...I'll bet he didn't just wake up that fateful morning and decide to not take his problems to God. I could be wrong, obviously...but like I said, I know how I operate. When I've gone from highest peaks to lowest valleys, it hasn't been a rapid descent. Get a little lazy with prayer over time...get busy and not make time to be developing my relationship with God...get frustrated by people or circumstances and let a little discontent (at best) or full on bitterness set in. One day you wake up a month or year or 25 years later and realize how far you've come. And not in a good way. I wonder if it was like that for Asa. If all those years of peace lulled him to sleep from his vigilance and zeal. And, hey, the altars were already destroyed, right? He'd worked hard, accomplished some things for God...the people gave up their idols. All in all a pretty good record for a king. And I bet, over time, he just kinda shifted to auto-pilot.

We don't do real well on auto-pilot, is the thing. Even when we don't intend to, we start to forget how much God has done for us...how much we need him. The other day, a friend said (totally in jest) with a shrug "Yeah. I'm kind of a big deal." It was funny...and she was just making a joke. But I've had that happen with me after seeing some small successes or victories. I forget that it was God who did that stuff and start thinking maybe it was me. And the worst part of that kind of thinking isn't so much the fact that it's just wrong or stupid or really ungrateful...I think the worst part of thinking like that is that it colors our future decisions. Maybe Asa started thinking he was kind of a big deal. Restored Judah to monotheism...no small feat. Conquered a million-man Ethiopian army...impressive.

So, in that fateful 36th year, when a problem arose, Asa went into problem solving mode. Some quick thinking, some carefully worded bribes...and he's out of his fix in a jiffy. No need to fall on his knees to ask God for help...after all, this was a manageable problem. Asa probably would have died before he'd ever say "Judah's king doesn't need Jehovah's help"...but he lived like Judah's king didn't need Jehovah's help.

The second thing that gets me with this story is that phrase the prophet used. "...you missed your chance..." That's the stuff of nightmares for me. I'm glad God doesn't usually tell us about all the opportunities we've blown because I think it would do me in. Had Asa bothered to ask God what he should do, God would have advised him and (I'm betting) provided relief from his enemy in Israel...and apparently was prepared to give Asa the Syrians as well. Except Asa couldn't be bothered to seek God's plans. He was the king, kind of a big deal...important stuff to do. And in that...Asa missed his chance. Is anybody else as freaked out by that notion as I am?

Man...I don't want to miss my chance to do something big for God.

After hearing from the prophet, we'd hope to see a David-like confession and repentance. But we don't. The phrase "kill the messenger" comes to mind...instead Asa just threw him into stocks. Rather than recognize his mistake and seek God's forgiveness...Asa lashes out at the one trying to bring him back. As far as we know, Asa never did repent. Toward the end of his life he was plagued with some foot disease, and even in his misery...it says he never sought God's help. Went to his doctors instead. How the mighty have fallen.

His epitaph could read "Started off great...did some great things for God...but decided he didn't need God at the end and died in misery." He fizzled out. That's his legacy.

It's easy when you know you're in an uphill climb to ask God for help. When Asa faced those Ethiopian soldiers, he knew he didn't stand a chance, it wasn't hard for him to ask God for help because he knew how much he needed it. We've started this hugely intimidating thing of starting a church...and we've been praying like crazy things like "God we don't have the first clue what to do here...can you help us?" It's been cool. I hope we don't ever think we've got it figured out and can manage by pluck or experience or good strategy. That's what happened to Asa. I hope we always know how much we need God's help and guidance. I pray we don't ever start to think we're kind of a big deal. I hope we don't miss our chance.

Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

2008-10-05T20:15:00.000-07:00

That was my heavy sigh of exhaustion. I think I saw the windows rattling a bit, that's how heavy a sigh it was. Not a grumpy sigh...just a tired from good stuff sigh.

After the initial "boy it feels weird us all to be home on a Sunday morning" wore off...we decided to go enjoy the beautiful fall weather and get some exercise. Jeff and the big kids ran, Silas and I walked...I prayed a bit. Silas successfully said "dog" after passing about 8 dogs on the path. It was glorious. Jeff astutely commented "It's like having an extra Saturday!" We've been involved in some sort of committed Sunday morning ministry since we were, like, 12...so it's a whole new world for us. We tried to remember the last time we didn't go to church...and couldn't. We even go while we're on vacation. You can imagine how bizarre it felt. We were sort of like third world children in a shopping mall.

Then we headed off to John and Tina's to watch the sad sad Seahawks game. We won't park on this idea very long. The one dull spot in an otherwise great day.

From there it was a frenzy of activity...getting ready for the "informational meeting" for the church. It went really well, at least from our vantage point. There were quite a few people there we'd never met, which was unexpected and interesting. We had 35 adults present, which was kind of surprising since we knew we would be missing a few people. Jeff shared his heart...answered questions...we had pie. Next week we start a Bible study. We have no idea how many of the adults present tonight will return, but if most do, that's a big herkin bible study. And we're not meeting in a big herkin house. We may need to make some adjustments.

Came home...collapsed in front of football...waiting until an socially acceptable bed tme to roll around. Do you think 8:45 too early?

October

2008-10-01T13:25:00.000-07:00

I am not ready for all that October brings.

Such as...October makes Jeff's employment at OCC a memory. Yesterday was his last day. He came in, carrying his 800th (and last) box of office stuff...looking a little misty. We both hate goodbyes...and even though we're really excited about all that's ahead, it's never easy or painless to close a chapter of your life.

October also brings the official start of Confluence Community Church...and yes, we have a name now! We wanted to wait and let the "core" throw out some ideas for the name...but we've learned a lot about all the red-tape of new church setup in the past few weeks, one being that you really need a name for business/tax purposes. So we picked the one we liked best. We really liked the community tie of this name, and we like that it can have a dual meaning, as in, "Welcome to Confluence...where faith meets life" or something cheeesy like that.

Anyway...yeah. Time to get that started. Time to go from theoretical discussion and legless ideas into nuts and bolts and oh my gosh we're starting a church. Sunday evening we'll be having our first get-together...an informational type thing where people can ask questions and we can share our hearts and the vision we believe God's given us. We're simultaneously entertaining feelings of being overwhelmed, and total peace...terrified and exhilirated.

The other thing October brings is a first birthday for Silas. Right now he's drumming my calf with one hand and the back of the screen with the other and giggling as if on cue. It's been such an amazing year with him...I always say he's my flesh and blood reminder of how much cooler God's plans are than ours.

Changes in vocation...church...family...money. Life looks a lot different in October than it ever has before. And Silas silently looks up at me, reminding me how the best things sometimes start off in uncertainty.

Saying Cheese

2008-09-18T17:14:00.000-07:00

I guess no update is complete without photos. And fortunately, our family photo enthusiast Melissa was packing her tricked out camera while she was here. UNfortunately, my big kids have learned to scatter when they see it emerge from its giant carrying case. So, you just get pictures of Silas. But they're cute, so no complaining.

Melissa CLAIMS not to have been responsible for this face...

But I think he clearly seems suspicious here.

the 4-1-1

2008-09-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

I realized it's been quite a while since I've done the kid update thing. Here goes.

Miss Abby is quite the glamorous fifth grader about town these days. She adores her teacher and loves school. She just began another season of soccer, except this year is way exciting because for the first time she's on an all girl team. So she's all girl power lately. It's fun, but I miss the old teams comprised of mostly CCS kids...boys and all. Saturday games just won't be as fun now that we can't watch Josh's face light up when he scores a goal, or watch Aiden try his hardest not to level the kid he's defending...and whom he likely outweighs by 30 pounds. But this will give the girls a chance to "shine" and be more aggressive, so that's a good thing. She is also continuing on with piano, and thanks to her wonderful teacher and loads of diligent practice has made great progress just in the past couple of months. She continues to have a sassy streak about a mile wide, but since it's always in check in terms of respect...we enjoy it (most of the time). Yesterday she reminded me that in only a few years it would be HER class leaving to go to Washington D.C. for school. I told her to go to her room.

Alex is simply Alex...a taller version. He's actually rocking fourth grade like a superstar...in that he's learning some of that organization that his mother and previous teachers have tirelessly hammered away at for years. He's also not driving his teacher insane (at least at last check...I suppose that may change at any point), and according to the progress report we got yesterday...a straight A student. He's still strumming away at his trusty guitar...when he and his teacher (who he adores) can stay on task...they often get distracted talking history or politics. I'm not joking. He still cracks us up with the totally unexpected remark. This morning he was bopping around the kitchen singing an REO Speedwagon song. That made me smile. ("I believe it's time for me to flyyyyyyyy.")

And sweet baby Sy is becoming less and less babyish every day. Next month he will have his first birthday and we're not sure how that happened...but I guess the calendar doesn't lie. He's very close to walking despite my best attempts to distract him. He has a little cart with wheels that he pushes around at warp speed with frightening manuevering skills. He is obsessed with the bathroom...the door of which never quite latches all the way, so he's discovered that one good solid whack and he's in. Jeff loves this. His second favorite hobby is my plastic container lid drawer. I think I frustrate him greatly by forever putting them all back in after he's so tirelessly emptied it. A baby's work is never done. His one word, dadadadada, is his label for all of us. He correctly identifies Jeff as dadada, but also squeals it when the kids get home from school or in reference to me. Now, that's all I've ever heard him say intelligibly, but Jeff insists that he told him a few days ago that he wants a baby brother or sister...preferably from Ethiopia. I told him they don't give Ethiopian babies to the unemployed, and to go get a job.

And, while he's not one of the kids, I guess I should update on Jeff given all the life changes. He actually has narrowed down his several job prospects to one that he will likely be starting soon. Construction...which he loves. He insisted that he needed a tool belt and came home with that plus about four other things he deemed essential for his new trade. In addition he's trying to tie up loose ends at OCC and get his four trillion books boxed up.

Our happy little band marches on.

C.S. Lewis

2008-09-15T14:12:00.001-07:00

Brace yourself...a real post is coming.

You know how in old cartoons they always show the mad scientist who had 2 people strapped to side-by-side tables...and he's gonna attempt a head transplant? If that could ever be true I'd like to be strapped in beside C.S. Lewis. Except I'd ask the scientist to try for just the brain and not the actual head because I think it would stink to be a 30 year old woman going through life with the face of an old man. A dead man at that.

But if the scientist couldn't, it still might be worth it.

Jeff and I are reading Mere Christianity together and ever couple of pages or so we pause for a minute and make some remark like "Gee that guy sure is smart." or some other really clever sounding observation. (See, if I had his brain I could think of better ways to comment on his brilliance.)

This book is a treatise on the believability of Christianity designed to make the skeptic think. But of course, truth has long claws and so we are finding much to relate to though neither of us are skeptics.

He writes, "Reality, in fact, is usually something you could not have guessed. That is one of the reasons I believe Christianity. It is a religion you could not have guessed. If it offered us just the kind of universe we had always expected, I should feel we were making it up. But in fact, it is not the sort of thing anyone would make up. It has just that queer twist about it that real things have. So let us leave behind all these boys' philosophies-these over-simple answers. The problem is not simple and the answer is not going to be simple either."

This hits a chord with me because in all my years God has never EVER done anything exactly how I expected Him to do it. There have always been the "queer twists" and columns that don't quite add up in the final count. And I have learned to love Him for that.

Thanks, in part, to C.S. Lewis. His writings, fictitious and non, portray God as highly unpredictable, if not at times volatile. In a person, those are not qualities I tend to be attracted to. That's one reason I don't like to be around people who drink heavily, because I don't feel I know what I can expect from them. Not that I don't enjoy spontaneity or breaks from routine...but I find comfort in knowing how people will likely behave. Words like consistent, dependable, even-tempered, reliable appeal very highly to me.

And, once again, God laughs.

Because He's not any of those things. He's altogether impossible to predict. One NEVER knows what He will do. Which isn't to say that He changes...(don't worry, I haven't abandoned my doctrine training)...he doesn't. It's just that He's so BIG that we can't see all the sides. It's like an ant crawling across a wall sized map of the world. One time he looks down and finds himself to be above Peru (did I mention it's a literate ant?) and a bit later he finds himself over Scranton. He's still on the same map...he's just seeing different parts of it. So while He's always good, sometimes that goodness will be shown Peruvian style...sometimes it will be Scrantonese.

There was a time (a long time if you want to know the truth) that I bristled against that and fought it and tried to talk Him out of it. But in case you haven't figured this out yet...it's no good good trying to reason with Him. It's hard to argue with someone who's always right. (Just ask Jeff. heehee)

All that to say...He still utterly surprises me. But I've come a long way toward anticipating the surprise, even looking forward to the surprise. Maybe one day I'll stop asking him to do things my way altogether...but it's nice to be able to look back and see progress. When things don't go according to my plans, and when they don't resolve the way I thought they would it's a little reminder that He's still so much bigger than I can imagine. And that is a very cool thing to be reminded of. And it's way more comforting than being predictable.

More Unconnectedness

2008-09-11T06:40:00.000-07:00

*I have missed blogging, but life has been really really busy and when there's time to do stuff like this it's less mentally taxing to just read what everyone else is doing. Like on facebook...because it doesn't require you to think as much. Thinking makes me tired lately. Which is why there hasn't been a "real" blog post (like with a single thought developed into something more than three sentences long) in a while.

*This Sarah Palin thing has been very interesting to me. A few weeks ago it was almost like, "Who's running against Obama again?" and then the big announcement came. Since then there's been all this buzz. I think there are some very clever marketing folks in the old McCain camp....because everybody's talking about her. Now everyone's like, "Who's Obama's vp guy again?"

*A photo scavenger hunt is the most fun structured activity I've done in a while. If you have a large-ish group of friends or family I would highly recommend it. We handed out a list of captions like "Famous movie scene" or "only in Idaho" and sent the teams off. In theory there were points awarded for each category used in the allotted time...but it's really more about watching the power points and laughing. Hard.

* Having a big family is really fun. I wouldn't really know any other way...I come from a big family, and married into a big family (that is getting bigger all the time it seems) but it seems like it would be dreadfully boring to have holidays be four people sitting around trying to talk. Our family gatherings are these incredibly loud, raucous events (even when John leaves the room) and it's so fun. Makes me wanna adopt 3 or 4 more kids so that our kids can have this much fun when they "grow up".

*Lots of changes come in fifth grade. They warn you about this, but you don't really believe them until you start to notice the changes for yourself. One parent at school told me when her daughter was in fifth grade she took her to the doctor and asked them to draw her blood because there HAD to be something wrong with her. Nope, they said. Just fifth grade. Some of the changes are fun, some...well... But I guess it's all part of growing up, which is probably a good thing...right?

Some Unconnected Thoughts

2008-08-31T10:17:00.000-07:00

*Our third child...who was by FA-HA-HA-AR our easiest infant...may in fact have the hottest temper of them all. We're wondering what his toddler-hood will be like. Can't be worse than Alex's, right? God's not laughing at me right now...right?

*Sometimes you need to do a little nothing. A three day weekend is a wonderful opportunity for this.

*Shopping at Wal-mart isn't nearly so exhausting when your husband comes with you...drives the cart...lifts the dogfood and heavy stuff into the cart, up to the cashier, into the car and then puts it away. I may have to make this happen more often.

*"The one who gives an answer before he listens--this is foolishness and disgrace for him." Prov. 18:13

*Eight graders can be every bit as silly as kindergartners. But it's less cute. And louder.

*There are times when a frozen pizza is a gift from God.

*Taking a walk is a highly efficient way to get perspective. Add in some prayer and it's very nearly magical.

*God is very kind to throw things into your path exactly when they are needed. This happened several times this week...encouraging cards and letters, times of refreshment, and a uniquely-stumbled-upon sermon by Mark Driscoll on III John.

Numbers and Arrows

2008-08-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

I'm still plugging away at my attempt to read thru the Bible this year. Now that there are only 4 months left I can look at my handy dandy record sheet and it tells me the books I have "saved" for the end. Right now I'm simultaneously making my way thru Leviticus (I can tell you all about infectious skin rules after today), Numbers, and those tiny little Old Testament prophets.

I've only recently finished all the rest of the Pentateuch books, so I feel like I've been travelling buddies with old Moses and those ne'er do well Israelites and all their wanderings. I find the whole thing relatable all too often. Today I read Numbers 13-14, where God tells Moses to send out men to scout out the Promised Land. You probably know the rest...and if you went to Sunday school with me you're already doing the motions to "Twelve men went to spy on Canaan 10 were bad and 2 were good!"

Indeed, the report from the scouts to the rest of the people went something like this:

"We went into the land where you sent us. Indeed, it is flowing with milk and honey,

and here is some of its fruit. However, the people living in the land are strong,

and the cities are large and fortified. We also saw the descendants of Anak there..."

It goes on and sadly, gets no better. If anything, the report gets worse...evidently the current residents of the Promised Land were so huge that comparatively speaking, the Israelites were grasshoppers...and it was one of those really scary places where the land will without warning up and devour the people who live there (I think that sometimes happens in Canada). Of all the spies, only Caleb and Joshua stand up and reminds the people of the tiny detail that God was a factor to consider.

"The land we passed thru and explored is an extremely good land.

If the Lord is pleased with us, He will bring us into this land...and give it to us."

In case you don't know the rest of the story...Caleb's warnings fall on deaf ears. Deaf, and rather violent ears. At one point the people take up stones to kill Caleb, Moses and Joshua. Then God gets pretty mad and considers wiping them all out. The end result is that the 10 "bad" spies were killed...and God decides that since the people were so faithless, that none of that generation would live to see the Promised Land except for Caleb and Joshua. They were doomed to spend the next 40 years wandering the desert.

It's a pretty intriguiging story.

Segway to my new computer...which I like a lot. But one of its quirks is that sometimes, like online, you'll move your cursor over a button which you can click. Typically, when you do this, your arrow turns into a little hand...letting you know, "Hey! If you wanna click here, you go right ahead! I'll give you a HAND!" My arrow doesn't always make this transformation. It's kind of frustration if you're on a new site and aren't sure if what you're looking at is a button or just a graphic. But, the nice thing is it doesn't impede the clicking process. Once you go ahead and click, it does turn into a hand before transporting you to wherever it was you wanted to go. In a way, you have to click before you know for sure that you CAN click.

Segway back to Numbers. These are some things that stood out to me from the story

1. The spies were not the faithless rabble of Israel. It would be easy to look at this story and conclude that the spies were idiots and that's why they lacked faith. I don't think the text supports that. These guys were leaders. Respected leaders, I'd guess. Men of influence amonth their various tribes, who throughout their life had evidenced good judgment and discernment. Their clansmen looked to them as individuals to listen to, I would assume. And even if I'm wrong in that assumption...I doubt Moses would have signed off on sending them if he found their character or judgment suspect.

2. The spies were God's idea. I once read someone write, of this passage "True faith would never have sent the spies." While I understand the sentiment, it's not accurate. Verse one pretty much shows that this was God's idea. Why? God knew what the land was like...God also knew He was planning on giving it to them. Why have them go check it out? Especially given the way it turned out?

3. All the spies saw the same stuff. Good fruit. Milk and honey, which sound kinda odd, but okay, we know it has to do with the visible prosperity of the place. And yes, large people. Fortified cities. Benefits and obstacles.

Bearing this in mind...the passage just got even more interesting to me. In regard to observation number one, these guys weren't the village idiots advising people to chicken out. These were respected men, and probably respected for good reason. Yet, they, for whatever reason, got this one wrong. Doesn't mean they were bad guys, doesn't mean they didn't love God. Just means they made a bad judgment on this one.

On observation number two...it is my opinion (and it's just an opinion since the text doesn't say...but it makes sense to me) that God sent the spies as a way to present Israel with an opportunity. The opportunity to get excited about what they saw that was great (giant grapes etc) and the opportunity to trust God for what they saw that was scary (plain old giants). Because the fact of the matter is, God could have said..."Okay guys, time to go conquer the land!" without ever letting them know what it was going to be like. How wonderful and frightening it would be. But this would not have required faith on the part of the Israelites. Instead, to me it seems that He was giving them an opportunity to take the lessons they really should have learned via the Red Sea and the manna and the cloud and all, and apply it to a future that was a little uncertain. Unfortunately...they flunked. And because of it, they didn't ever get to taste those grapes or plow those fertile fields. What a shame.

And as for number 3...this is one of the saddest parts. Because it's so easily seen in life today. Show two people the exact same data, and you'll likely get two different responses. Did you notice that nowhere do Caleb or Joshua refute the presence of the obstacles? They weren't like "Oh, come on...they weren't that big!" of "Giants? The only giants I saw were the fruits, man!" Faced with the same information...10 said nope, impossible, can't do it. 2 said, "Yeah, but, remember God?" Remember that God had promised them this land? Commanded them to take possession of it? Split a sea in half? Freed them from Egyptian slavery without requiring a single Israelite soldier's assistance?

Thing is...if you take God and his leading out of the picture...the other 10 guys were absolutely right! It was a fool's errand to presume that a band of sheep herders could conquer a fortified city protected by giants. Duh. And that's the problem...they had taken God and his leading out of the picture. When you look at things with purely human eyes, sometimes all you will see are problems. But when you look at something, and see perfectly well the problems, but you see them through the lens of "Yeah, but, remember God?" those obstacles don't seem like such big deals.

So, yeah. We've got some obstacles in our path right now. Like...finances. Uncertainty. Starting something that's really hard with no experience. Figuring out how to start a church in the same town as our old church without hurting people or creating the impression of divisiveness. Real, undeniable obstacles, and we don't deny them for a minute. And there are people who maybe could get hung up on those obstacles...man, we certainly could if we focused on them too much. The thing we keep going back to is "Yeah, but, remember God?"

When we first started praying about this...I told Jeff, "I want to know for absolute certain that this is God's idea and not ours. I want to know beyond any reasonable doubt that He has led us to do this. Because once I know that, I'll face any obstacle and make any sacrifice. But unless I know that...I'm not moving forward." He agreed, and thus began the most intensive period of prayer we've ever spent on any issue, including previous ministries, including our adoption. And God said to do this.

If He didn't...we'd be fools to attempt it. But since He did...we're fools to let any obstacle stand in our way, no matter how logical or well-intentioned its bearer.

Kinda like my cursor. I had to figure out that just because it looked like I couldn't click on something didn't mean I couldn't. I just had to go ahead and click...from faith if you will. We're going ahead with this next adventure, unsure of what's going to happen or how it will all end up. But one thing we have absolutely no question about is the God we are following.

I'm not saying that since God called us we're guaranteed success or good things. Even when Israel finally decided to follow God, there were battles to fight to lay claim to that Promised Land...and some warriors died.

This whole thing might flop. We may fail miserably, and never fully understand why on earth God would ask us to do something destined for futility. We might end up casualties on the battlefield of faith...but we're surely not going to die in some wilderness because we're too scared to follow him.

The Big News

2008-08-24T09:43:00.000-07:00

Oy. Where to begin?

See, the thing with blogging is that you're never quite sure who all is reading the dumb things. Except the people that leave comments. And there are things...announcements really, that need to be made to certain people in a certain order or people get grumpy. Like, gals, you should always remember to tell your husband that you're pregnant BEFORE you tell the bank teller...just as an example.

So for about the last six months the biggest thing going on in my world has been something I couldn't really talk about to people who didn't share my dna or my last name. And most of them didn't even hear about it. But as of, well, today, all the people who should know first...do. I hope.

We are leaving Orchards.

Jeff resigned on Tuesday, his last day is September 30. It's been a trip.

Too long a trip to go through all the rest stops and mile markers in a blog, really. But the general direction we've been heading for the last 2.5 years (in a way, though not as directly as the past 6 months) has been that we believe very strongly that God is leading us to start a new church. Across the river.

I'll bet some of you never even thought about the fact that churches start from almost nothing...honestly, I hadn't spent much time thinking about it until Jeff started talking about it. But they do. One day there's 15 churches in a town, the next day there's 16. All it really takes is someone saying "I think I want to start a church." All the rest is really details.

Details, like...who is going to come? Where will we meet? What kind of church will we be? Who is going to do what? and, my personal favorite as of late... How is the pastor of said church going to buy food and pay bills?

Some of those questions won't be answered for quite some time. I'm hoping the last one gets shored up by October. Right now Jeff is looking for a job. The kind where you don't have to work very much, but they still pay you a lot...where there is a totally flexible schedule and they give you full benefits and muffin baskets. We're pretty hopeful because we figure most people AREN'T looking for a job like that...so, fingers crossed. Plus, degrees in Biblical Studies are SO versatile that you're pretty much a shoe in for tons of jobs. Along with that, we are in the process of doing research on church planting groups, because we really want to have some accountability and resources available to us. We're also working on some informational type profiles/dvds that we can get out to let people know what we're doing. People who may, then, decide they want to send us lots of money and or muffin baskets...JUST in case the job thing doesn't pan out the way we want. There is also a lot of planning/dreaming/mapping/talking about all things related to starting a church. And praying. Man oh man is there a lot of praying. In a totally frightening way, it's all incredibly exciting. But ask me about that again when December comes and I'm making Christmas presents out of dryer lint.

But it's really sad too. We've been at OCC for 6 years and have people there who are so dear to us. People who have laughed with us and cried with us...people who helped us get our baby home with their prayers and incredible generosity. I've rarely been among such warm and wonderful people. And I will miss them. I know we're not leaving town and we'll bump into people all the time...but it's different.

So there you go. The culmination of months of prayer and discussing and meetings and fasting and tears boiled into a few paragraphs.

It's being announced at church today, but I'm home with a couple of sick kids. Part of me is glad I don't have to be there, though...it would be hard. Change is rarely without loss...even good, exciting changes.

Dja' Miss Me?

2008-08-16T15:37:00.000-07:00

(just say yeah, whether you did or not, k? I've had a hard couple weeks with no computer)

Turns out my computer's virus was, like, the ebola virus of the computing world...as opposed to the common cold virus. That's why plenty of rest and fluids were not enough to save dear, sweet Dell. May she rest in peace.

Which I was terribly sad over for quite some time...it's true what the computer geeks tell you, you should back up more often. I backed up...once. And just my school files. That means everything else, and I do mean everything, is gone. But after the initial shock wore off it was kind of astounding how liberating it is to lose a bunch of stuff like that, stuff that you always thought was really really important, and to not really have it matter that much. Life goes on, even when you lose your online recipe file. Even when you have to re-create your Christmas card list (I'll apologize in advance if I miss anyone). Even, surprisingly, when you lost your first serious "as an adult" attempt at writing...all 57 pages of it.

Of course, it also helps when your husband tells you you're getting a new one...before you even asked (which you wouldn't, if you were me, because you'd be way too cheap). It's scheduled to arrive on Monday. Yippee! I briefly contemplated being sullen and childishsly protesting "I don't WANT a new computer...I want my OLD computer!" But the truth is, my old computer was about 4 years old (which is like 15 in computer years) and the some of the keys stuck from the time I accidentally spilled orange pop on the keyboard...and it was kinda getting slow. Plus, it DID suicidally betray me by getting a virus. So after a moment of silence for the dearly departed I say out with the old and in with the new, baby!

So, that's the computer update I know you were all dying to hear. As for the rest of life...that update will have to come later. Maybe I'll make it my new laptop's maiden voyage. Maybe not, since school starts Tuesday and I'm not ready yet. But soon. Till then I just had to let you know you can take my old laptop off your prayer list, and call up your prayer chain and let them know (you did have a prayer chain going, didn't you? nothing I like more than a prayer chain for electronics...evens the playing field against the virus creators).

Get Well Soon

2008-08-04T07:55:00.000-07:00

**We interrupt this regularly scheduled blog post to bring you this important news bulletin**

So, one of the points of Calvinism is the total depravity of man...basically the idea that people stink. Some stink more than others, but everybody stinks. The jerky things we do come from our jerky natures. We do jerky things, sometimes for good reasons, and sometimes for no reason at all. We lie and cheat and steal to get ahead of others, or just for the joy of lying, cheating and stealing.

Example? Computer viruses. Like the one I just got. The one that has all but totally disabled my laptop. Grrrr.

So...while we're dealing with that, the posts will be fewer and farther between. If you have been sending me emails and wondering why I'm ignoring you...this would be the reason.

Pray for Dell, my weak, feverish computer with her addled mind ranting and raving. Hopefully I'll be reunited with her soon. Until then I'll have to get by visiting Jeff's laptop on nights and weekends.

Lame Poetry Monday

2008-07-28T11:03:00.000-07:00

So, while I was on vacation my friend Michelle had the idea to have every Monday be an opportunity to submit to the poet inside, who yearns to escape...but after high school and college, so rarely has the chance to. Loving an occasional bandwagon, here I go.

why,
little Sy,
did you cry and cry?

i was deep in a dream
when i heard you scream.

four o' clock is much to soon
to look out the window and greet the moon.
now i'm already tired, and its not even noon

"but i was wet!" you weep. "my diaper was leaky!"
"my sheets were damp too, soon they will reaky!"

so i changed my soggy bottomed boy
while my groggy brain devised a ploy

i tucked you back in (after changing your shirt)
too bad by this time you were fully alert
not sleepy at all, but your feelings were hurt

so we let you get up while planning the fix:
from now on we're cutting off fluids at six

Sunday 7

2008-07-27T16:24:00.000-07:00

1. My first week back home....aaaahhhhhhh. Dorothy was right, there really is no place like it.

2. I am over half done with school shopping. Thank God for Lands End online! All that's left is to tackle Alex's "supply sheet".

3. The new store I finally got to visit...Real Deals I'd had several friends recommend this place to me but I finally got to go check it out for myself. Definitely worth a look-see for those in the area. Picked up a few things, my favorite was the little thing Jeff threw on the pile last minute...it said "I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas." and it was clearly for me.

4. We're gonna build a deck! Because, really, what would we do without a major home improvement project to do? Jeff's been sketching like Bob Ross on crack, and we finally have a design, and a shopping list about a mile long. Hopefully we'll get it done while there's still some summer to enjoy.

5. The weeds in my flower bed, which have been taunting be brashly for a full seven days now, have been eradicated. For at least another week.

6. Facebook. I'm a newbie...but I've already found like 30 people that I haven't talked to in a long time. What a cool way to keep in touch.

7. A fun weekend ahead. Our small group is going to spend the weekend at a cabin in Coeur D'Alene...which I have probably misspelled. We haven't really met all summer and with vacations and different services I feel like I haven't seen them in forever. Can't wait to catch up.